Traded(25)

That first full night had been awkward. After my two breakdowns, which was completely embarrassing, I never expected him to kiss me on the head. Yes, it might only have been a sign of comfort but then again, I never expected for that one simple kiss to be the catalyst for the rush of feelings that swept through me. It was all so overwhelming. I’d run from the room like an idiot. After that display, there would be no chance of him touching me like that again. Not that I’d thought about a repeat.

Oh, who am I kidding?

Of course I’d thought about a repeat. My mind was littered with thoughts of his lips on mine. Even as a young girl I’d had an active imagination. Could I help that each and every day brought more and more evidence of how incredibly sexy he was?

But with those thoughts came the guilt. Guilt at feeling things I had no right to. Dominic was my husband. It was wrong to be lusting after another man.

Not once during the last two weeks had Ashton mentioned what happened that night—nor did he try to do it again. While I was beginning to think it was wrong of Dominic to treat me the way he did, and wondering if I’d have the courage to demand better when I got home, I soaked up everything Ashton gave me, knowing that the attention I was getting from him was the best I was ever going to get.

And there were things I wouldn’t want to give up when I got home. Like always cleaning up after dinner, or missing new movies because Dominic wouldn’t want to take me. I was becoming more independent. “Growing a backbone” Ashton called it. Little things like picking my own dinner, or choosing the movie we watched got easier the more I did it. Ashton had even taken me out to dinner at one of his restaurants, introduced me to his employees.

My first thought had been to panic. Dominic had no problem announcing his displeasure at having to dine with me to the whole restaurant. If asked, I’d struggle to remember a time when we hadn’t rushed through our meal; Dominic always choosing to sit as far away from me as he could, paying more attention to the waitress than me, and not being shy about it either. It wasn’t uncommon of him to flirt with these women, even offer them his number, something that left them confused about who I was, even though I sat opposite him wearing a matching wedding band. I never ordered for myself, and if I didn’t like what he’d chosen for me then I knew to stay quiet. Once, not long after we were married, I’d made the mistake of speaking up and his response had been to coat my food in pepper and watch on as he forced me to eat it. I’d managed about four bites before excusing myself to the ladies’ room to vomit—another thing I’d been punished for when we got home.

Yet in his own restaurant, surrounded by people whom he trusted and respected, Ashton’s eyes had screamed pride. I wasn’t used to it. It was foreign to me. Everything in this world was new. By the time our entrees arrived, I was relaxed. This may have also had something to do with the two glasses of wine. The whole evening was thoroughly enjoyable. For the most part, Ashton spoke and I listened, and I learned much about him; all of which I liked.

In the early days, Ashton had stayed at home during the day, popping out to run errands or collect paperwork, but for the most part he stayed at home with me. Obviously, this couldn’t continue and he eventually returned to his normal schedule. Being left at home while he went to work didn’t freak me out anymore, although I still felt guilty about not contributing to the running of the household. But as many times as I tried to help, Ashton blew me off, claiming I’d done enough work over the last few years and I deserved some time off. Then he showed me the gym in the basement and encouraged me to blow off some steam.

The moment the words left his mouth, I was reminded that I hadn't done any exercise since I left Dominic. Even when I was at home I at least managed a small workout, in terms of a brisk walk to and from work. Add to that the fact I was eating more food—richer food—and I could almost feel the extra weight around my stomach and hips, a cold rush washing through me when I realized that Dominic would notice, and no doubt have something to say about it.

Ashton’s reply still danced around my head.

“You do not need to lose weight. That’s not why I brought you down here. Stop letting Dominic’s idiotic comments affect the way you see yourself. The rest of the world doesn’t see you that way.”



Tonight we were heading to his parents’ house for dinner. The whole thing made me want to throw up, partly because I didn’t understand why I was invited. I was a temporary inconvenience for Ashton. Meeting the parents didn’t exactly register on the agenda for short-term houseguests.