Trade It All(69)

Sophie closed the door behind her. It was opened a second later by a concerned looking Dale. Sophie waved him away and said, “Give us a moment alone, please.”

Dale reluctantly closed the door again.

Sophie moved to sit on the top step and said, “Sit with me, Lance.”

Lance took a seat beside her. This was uncharted territory for him. “I didn’t mean to wake everyone up. I should have waited until tomorrow.”

Placing her hand on Lance’s arm, his mother said, “You’re exactly where you belong. Especially if something is troubling you.”

“It’s nothing important.”

Sophie sighed and her hand dropped. “I used to think I was a good mother—”

“You are—”

“Let me say this. My mother died in childbirth having me. I never knew her. I don’t know if my father ever forgave my sister or me for that. People say he wasn’t the same after she died. I don’t know because all I knew was the man who looked through me instead of at me. No matter what my sister or I did, it was never good enough. He might have wanted to love us, but we knew he didn’t. I moved away from my family because I wanted my own children to be raised differently. I wanted you to always know exactly how much you were loved.” She blinked back tears. “After we lost Kent, I fell into a depression. It was rough on all of you. Especially your father. He wanted to fix everything that was wrong, but sometimes you can’t. So he tried to give me the perfect family he thought I needed. Kenzi opened your father’s and my eyes to what we’ve done well and where we’ve failed you.”

“Mom, I don’t know what Kenzi said, but you didn’t fail anyone.”

Sophie squeezed Lance’s forearm with one hand. “I’m not perfect, Lance—far from it. Your father isn’t either, and that’s okay. Love isn’t about never being wrong. It’s taking the best and the worst of who we are and knowing that we’re better together than we could ever be apart. I’m not as fragile as everyone thinks I am. You can get angry with me. You can disappoint me. I’ll still love you. Whatever problem you’re wrestling with, Lance, you can bring it to my door—night or day, and I will always want to hear it. Because you’re my son. And that bond is stronger than anything life can throw at us.”

Hearing his mother’s description of love was freeing. Lance had grown up thinking of love as something so delicate it might shatter from the slightest application of pressure just like his mother. Yet, there she was, facing her mistakes and the reality that her children weren’t as happy as they pretended to be, and she wasn’t falling to pieces.

Maybe love was a little more resilient than he gave it credit for.

He sat quietly beside his mother for several long moments. Then he said, “I think I love Willa.”

With a gentle smile, Sophie asked, “You think? Not sure?”

Lance raised and dropped a shoulder. “She’s perfect for me. I am happier when I’m with her than I’ve ever been without her. And I’m more miserable when we’re apart than I can put into words. We’ve only really started dating, and I’ve already said stupid things and hurt her again. Probably the best thing for her would be if I stayed away from her, but I can’t seem to.”

“Love by definition is scary as hell. Do you know why?”

Lance shook his head.

“It’s an all or nothing decision. You have to believe in it to fully feel it. It not only requires that you give yourself over to it, but if you don’t trust it, it withers like a plant without water. You can’t think you love someone, Lance. You have to know it. Imagine your life without Willa in it. If you can do that, and see yourself happy without her . . . walk away. But if the idea of being without her tears you up inside—if you would gladly trade everything you have for one more day with her—then she’s the one for you.”

Lance thought about his friend Neil and how much he regretted losing Linda.

I’d be a hundred times worse.

I don’t want to go a day without Willa.

Lance leaned over and kissed his mother on the cheek. “I love her, Mom. I love Willa Chambers.”

Sophie smiled. “I know you do.”

“I need to tell her.”

His mother glanced down at her watch. “Maybe not at this time of night. Everyone is here. Why not come in and at least say hello? Your father dragged them all here for an emergency family meeting. Poor Dax, I don’t know what he was expecting, but he came. Kenzi, too. Emily is home resting.”

Lance stood and helped his mother up. “They’re going to kill me.”