“That’s why you said no to all the parties I invited you to. I thought you didn’t want to be with me. But I don’t understand. What happened to the baby?”
Blinking back tears, Willa said, “I lost it. You were out with friends when I miscarried.”
Lexi blanched. “You could have called me. I would have been there for you.” As the news Willa had told her sunk in, Lexi’s face crumpled, and she brought a shaky hand up to her mouth. All bravado fell away and there was only raw remorse in her eyes. “I would have been there for you if I’d known, Willa.”
Willa stood up, walked around the table and put her arms around Lexi. “I know that now. At the time I was ashamed. I was the responsible virgin in the family. I gave in one time and got pregnant. I didn’t want to be pregnant. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to be someone who would abort a baby, but I didn’t see another option at first. I spent weeks torn between telling you or staying silent. I almost called Lance about a thousand times. Everything was so screwed up between all of us, though, that I couldn’t. Not that you wouldn’t have been there for me, but I couldn’t get past what had happened. I didn’t think I could handle raising a baby, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt I could make it work. I could love that baby. And I did love it. I wanted the baby. Then I started bleeding in the shower one day and I knew . . . even before the doctors told me what had happened . . . I knew. I can’t begin to describe the guilt I felt. Did I wait too long to see a doctor? Was it the drinks I had before I realized I was pregnant? Was it all somehow my fault? I felt that it was. How could I tell anyone how I felt when I had the added guilt of being relieved in a way that my life wouldn’t change? But it did change. I’m not the person I was before the baby. I never will be again.”
Lexi stood and hugged her back. “I’m an idiot. I don’t know how I didn’t see it.”
“I could have said something, but I wanted to forget. It’s why I couldn’t look at Lance without getting upset. Whenever I was with him it brought back all of that. I wanted to put it behind me.”
Lexi straightened. “I don’t know what else to say except I’m so sorry.”
There was a time when Lexi’s apology was all Willa wanted, but it now paled in comparison to what was really important. They were finally talking openly, honestly. “I’m not telling you this because I want you to feel badly. I’m trying to say that I’m sorry, too. I tried to rein you in because I was afraid. Mom and Dad followed their adventurous dreams and that decision took them away from us. I followed mine once, and I felt like I lost everything, including my sense of who I was. I didn’t want to lose you, too. I thought if I could keep us both on a safe path, I could somehow stop anything tragic from happening. I didn’t mean to make you feel that you weren’t good enough, Lexi. I never thought that.”
Returning to her seat, Willa gulped down the rest of the wine in her glass. Lexi moved closer and said, “I don’t let myself care when things go wrong, Willa. I guess that’s my way of controlling things. If I don’t care, it can’t hurt me. I told myself there was nothing I could do to make things better between us because I didn’t want to think it could be my fault. If it was, then I’d have to find a way to fix it and face the possibility that I might not be able to.”
Willa took her sister’s hand in hers. “Even when I was at my lowest, I always loved and appreciated you. You’re my best friend. And you always will be.”
Lexi gave her hand an equally strong squeeze. “I love you, too.” She cleared her throat and in a much lighter tone said, “Can we move on to the important part? Lance? How did that happen?”
Willa chuckled even as she wiped the last trace of tears from her cheeks. “That’s your fault. You and that damn flash mob.”
“That wasn’t actually my idea. Do you remember the dinner party at the Barringtons when Dax brought Clay with him for the first time? He and I were doing shots of tequila while watching you and Lance sneak looks at each other. I don’t remember all the details of it, but we got into a debate about life and if anyone actually achieves happiness. He asked me what would make me happy. You know how sappy tequila makes me. I said I wish you and Lance would finally see that you belong together. Clay bet me he could make that happen.”
Willa frowned. “Wait, you had me dance for Lance on a bet?”
“Technically, yes.” Lexi waved a hand to dismiss that portion. “But the two of you are together now.”