For the first time in a long time Willa felt that she and Lexi were on the same side. Her eyes misted over. This was what she’d missed. She needed to make sure they made amends so they wouldn’t lose each other again. “I am so sorry about everything I said—”
“It’s no big deal, Willa.”
“Yes, it is. You were right to call me out on it. My way isn’t the better way. Hell, I don’t even know what my way is anymore. You’re fearless, while I’ve always been afraid.”
“Fearless? Me? I’m a wreck on the inside. I just don’t let it stop me.”
Willa took another gulp of her wine. “Every time I try to be that way I get hurt. Every time. I’m not you.”
Lexi reached out and covered Willa’s hand with hers. “No, you’re not, you’re a better person than I am. You’re the most honest, loving person I’ve ever met. You genuinely want the best for everyone you meet. I don’t know a single person you don’t like. You see good in everyone. I wish I were like that. I wish I could love the way you do.”
Willa turned her hand so she was gripping her sister’s. “And I wish I had your grit. Your quick wit. When you walk into a room, heads turn because you carry yourself with a confidence impossible not to envy. You can do anything you set your mind to and make it look easy. If something knocks you down, you get up and kick the shit out of it. I wish I had your fight.”
“Maybe we both have it wrong—and right. I’ve spent half of my life trying to change you and the other half wishing I was more like you.”
Willa gasped at how perfectly Lexi’s words described how she’d felt. “Yes.” She wiped a tear from her cheek. “I don’t want you to change, Lexi. I need my strong sister.”
Lexi’s eyes teared up as well. “And I need you.” She sniffed loudly and used her napkin to dab at her tears before they ruined her makeup. “We also need to ease up on the wine, or I’m going to be bawling into my sushi, and I do not look good with puffy eyes.”
Willa chuckled and released her hand. “We have that in common.”
Between bites, Lexi said, “So, tell me how you went from working for Clay to working for Dax. Or skip to the good part, and tell me all about how you ended up hooking up with Lance. Spill.”
Closing her hand around her napkin, Willa inwardly confronted a philosophy she’d had for so long it had become part of her identity. She thought if she could push things out of her thoughts, if she could deny them long enough, they would lose the power to hurt her. If that were true she wouldn’t be looking across the table at a sister she’d fought to hold on to but somehow ended up alienating anyway.
It was time to borrow some of Lexi’s courage. “Lexi, I know you think that pretending to be me with Lance was why we fought that first semester at university.”
“It was a stupid thing to do, Willa. I knew you liked him, and I wanted to make sure he was serious about you. I didn’t want you to connect with him if he wasn’t.”
Willa took a deep breath and plowed forward. “I had already slept with him by the time you did that.”
Lexi grimaced. “I sort of figured that out on my date with him. I didn’t expect the kiss, but wham there it was and I knew. That’s all that ever happened between us, Willa—just that one kiss.”
“I believe you.” And she did. Lexi had never lied to Willa. If she screwed up, she was the first to say she did and own up to it. It was in the remorse department that she’d sometimes struggled.
Lexi chewed a corner of her acrylic nail. “I tried to tell you that back then, but you wouldn’t hear it. I was afraid you’d never forgive me. Then we started school, and instead of getting over it, you got angrier. I didn’t know what to do.”
“I was pregnant.”
“No . . .”
“Yes.”
“I would have known.”
“I wasn’t that far along. I used a home test when I missed my period. I went to the school clinic to confirm it.”
Suddenly pale, Lexi looked at a loss for what to say. She opened and closed her mouth a few times but no words came out.
Deciding to go on and get it all out, Willa continued, “I was scared. I didn’t know what was going to happen or how it would change my life. Or if I was ready for anything to change. I wanted to tell Lance, but he was angry about the switch. He’d thought I’d asked you to stand in for me. I also couldn’t talk to Kenzi.”
“And me?”
Willa shrugged a shoulder sadly. “I blamed you. I see now how unfair that was. I wasn’t thinking straight. I looked into getting an abortion, but I couldn’t do it. I decided to keep the baby even if it meant dropping out of school. It wasn’t just any baby, it was Lance’s. I was ready to trade it all to have a piece of him in my life.”