Trade It All(26)

Besides me.

I was a class A prick.

Lance rubbed one hand roughly across his forehead and let the memories in.

He was back in the guest cottage with her lying naked in his arms on the bed. Her head was on his shoulder and she was smiling, but he was losing his mind. He didn’t know if he should stay, leave, apologize, or just grab his pants and run. Not only had he just fucked his little sister’s best friend, but the condom had broken. That had never happened to him before. Of course, he hadn’t planned to have sex during a family vacation, so he’d used the emergency condom he’d tucked into his wallet years earlier. He wasn’t the type to impulsively jump into bed with women. He was a careful and considerate partner. It was something his college friends sometimes teased him about, but he knew that actions had consequences and sometimes they lasted a lifetime.

He wanted to blame the beers he’d had with Andrew after Willa had gone up to the house with Kenzi and Lexi. He knew, though, that the slight buzz he’d had when Willa returned alone had been gone before they’d sought privacy in the guest house.

The sex itself had been good. So fucking good he wanted her again. Had it been good for her? He hoped so. Despite how he’d felt, he’d tried to go slowly, be gentle. In the end, she’d wrapped herself around him and the sex had taken a wild, uncontrolled life of its own. They’d collapsed, sweaty and spent, onto the bed and only then had he realized the fragile nature of old latex.

Fuck.

He’d cleaned himself off and had been gathering his thoughts when she’d snuggled up against him. He knew he had to tell her, but she looked so happy, so damn innocent guilt twisted his gut. He turned onto his side so he was face to face with her. “Willa, what we just did was—”

“Amazing,” she finished his sentence and caressed a side of his face with her hand. “I’m glad I waited. So glad my first time was with you.”

There was a special place in hell waiting for him. Lance was sure. He cleared his throat and took her hand in his. “There’s something you need to know.”

Her face crumpled. “Are you seeing someone?”

“No. No. Nothing like that.”

The smile returned to her face. “Sorry.” She pulled her hand free from his and wiped at her eyes. “I’m being an idiot.”

“You’re not. Not at all.”

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better. You’re like that—always making sure everyone is okay. Kenzi is lucky to have a brother like you.”

There it was again, that trust in him he didn’t deserve. He remembered something his father had told him when he’d explained the facts of life to him. He hadn’t focused on the mechanics of it so much as the etiquette and responsibility of choosing to be sexually active. “If you’re not comfortable enough with someone to discuss contraception, you don’t know them well enough to sleep with.”

Sound advice, Dad. But you left out the possibility of the male brain completely shutting down long enough to make a mistake like this.

“Willa, I’m not good at talking about things like this, but—”

A huge smile spread across her face. “I love you, too.”

Lance sat straight up. “What?”

She sat up next to him. “I think I’ve loved you since the first time I met you. I knew I was too young, but I’m not any more. We can be together now.”

Oh, shit. It wasn’t that Lance didn’t like Willa. He did. But she was giving what they’d done an importance he hadn’t considered. In her eyes he saw a terrifying truth—she thought what they’d done meant they were in a relationship.

Not a dating relationship. Not one with a trial period. No, she was all in. One hundred percent. Whatever he felt for her was overshadowed by panic.

I’m not ready to love anyone. Not like that.

And the broken condom? What if something comes from this?

I can’t ask her to terminate a pregnancy if one happens. I don’t believe in abortions.

Do I?

If I don’t, and she gets pregnant, I’m fucked.

Trapped.

He stood up and grabbed his clothing from the floor. Once he had his pants on again and was buttoning up his shirt, he began to calm. By then, though, she’d had time to realize he hadn’t responded to her declaration. She was clutching a sheet to the front of her and her eyes were brimming with tears.

Lance finished buttoning his shirt and sat on the edge of the bed. Instead of reaching for her, he faced away from her with his hands hanging between his knees and his shoulders slumped. “The condom broke, Willa. There’s something called a morning-after pill. I’m thinking you should take one. Unless you’re on birth control already . . .”