She nodded her head. “I’m too much, Timber. It’s not your problem. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but this is why I didn’t say anything. You’ve been through too much. You’ve shouldered every bit of my pain on top of your own. You’re a strong man, but at what point will your legs give out because I’ve smothered you with my issues?”
This was insane! Did she really think that I wanted to ‘shoulder’ her baggage? There’s no shouldering it. I loved her. And because I loved her, every piece of her pain was my pain. When I walked into that bar with Slim and Roger to celebrate his niece’s birthday, I had no idea that I was walking into my forever. The baggage is ours. She was mine, just like I was hers.
“Listen to me, Kat. Adam is a demented motherfucker that isn’t right in the head. Anybody that can do what he did doesn’t deserve to be living. Now, did I take this a little harder because I found out it was him? Yes. Do I feel like I failed to keep you safe? Hell yes. But am I going to walk away from you just because you think you are a burden on me? Not on your fucking life.” I sat down on the edge of her bed and leaned in, putting my forehead on hers.
“I’ve been through hell and back, Katherine Pierce.” She flinched at her full name, but I didn’t care. I wanted to make sure she was hearing me. “I’ve had some of the most precious things in my life taken away from me, and all while they were trying to protect me. I couldn’t live with myself if you pushed me away now. I need to protect something I’ve found that’s even more valuable than the relationships I had with my brothers. Do you feel this?” I grabbed her hand and placed it over my chest. “This beats for you. I’ve wandered around without a purpose since I came back. You’ve given me a purpose.”
Her tears were flowing at a steady pace. “What if Adam were gone? What then? Would your purpose be fulfilled?”
I knew exactly what she was getting at and I was about to set her straight.
“Never. Simple as that. I’m here, and I have no plans on going anywhere.”
She seemed to accept my answer because she reached up and swept away the wetness on her face. She laid her head back on her pillow and closed her eyes, and I gave her the quiet that she seemed to be silently asking for.
Two weeks passed since the night of the attack. Everything had gone back to normal for the most part, except for times here and there when I’d catch Kat off in her own world.
I knew she was really struggling with her demons and wanting to blame herself for what had happened. She settled into the victim role and believed that she had asked for this to happen to her. That she’d provoked it somehow. I’d had my own moments when I wanted to rip my hair out because it was like going around in circles telling her she wasn’t to blame. Each time we talked, she’d say ‘I know’ just to pacify me.
There were a few instances when I’d tried to test the boundaries intimately, but I’d definitely held back because I didn’t want to push her too far too fast. It killed me to see her withdraw from me when I’d stroke her cheek or graze my hand down her arm. I’d been tempted to pick up a bottle of Crown just to feel numb. I wouldn’t do it to her, though. She deserved to have me present. This wasn’t about me.
Kat started back at the bar a week after coming home from the hospital. She had been evaluated by a psych doctor before being released. She had told her to get back to her normal routine and things would start to feel more regular. Kat stayed with me at my place when she was first released, but then decided that being in her own space was what she wanted. I didn’t argue, except when she said she wanted to stay alone. That’s when I put the brakes on and said no. I was willing to give her time and space, as long as that space included me. She fought with me a bit, which I found nice because I saw my girl’s spark come back for a short time. My fiery girl wanted out, and I knew that she wouldn’t be stifled much longer. Not if I could help it.
However, fate had a way of stepping all over my plans. Kat’s cell phone had rung about an hour ago, and it had been Beaver on the other end. He’d called to let us know that Adam had been released from the hospital. He’d apparently was picked up by an older guy that looked just like him, which I assumed was his brother Sam. Beaver said he followed him until they were all the way out of town and getting onto I-10. Kat’s hand started shaking and she hadn’t been able to keep the phone to her ear, so I’d gently taken it from her and gotten up from her couch to pace by the window.