“Get out,” she said in a deadly, calm voice.
“Kat, baby, whatever Timber just said, I’m sure he didn’t mean it. Let’s just sit down. I’ll make some coffee, and we can figure out what we need to do.”
I turned my face in her direction. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears.
“No, I don’t want coffee, I don’t want to talk, I want him out of here.”
She turned on her heels and marched into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. I heard the lock click and I couldn’t help thinking, why didn’t she do that last night while she was showering? I looked at Beaver, and he just shook his head.
“Sorry, man.”
“It’s alright.” I started walking toward the door, but stopped. “Before I leave, I have to ask. Was there anything weird about last night? New customers, anyone taking special interest in her, or stuff out of place?”
“No, everything was just the same as always. The only thing that I saw wrong was that the lock on the back door downstairs had been busted off. I’m assuming that’s how whoever it was, got in.”
“Probably. Listen, I’m just going to go take a walk. I’ll be back after a bit. Stay with her until I get back.”
“I wasn’t plannin’ on leaving, but I’m not sure she wants you around right now.” He gave me a skeptical look.
Scrubbing my hand down my face and feeling exhausted from the lack of sleep, I said, “She’ll get over it. I was a shit and shouldn’t have said what I did, but I’m not leaving her. Not right now with someone out there creeping around. When I said I was going to be on her, I meant it. Kat needs someone to keep her safe.”
“And you’re volunteering yourself?” Beaver didn’t sound pleased.
“If you want to call it that.” I had no plans of explaining myself to him. I wasn’t volunteering myself for Kat duty. How do you volunteer yourself for something that was a necessity?
“What was that all about with another attacker? Has she been hurt before?”
I couldn’t say anything without digging a deeper hole. “It’s her story to tell.”
I turned and went out the door before he could say anything else. When I got outside, the sun was bright so I put my sunglasses on. I had no idea what direction I was headed. Each step I took further away from her, the worse I felt. After I was a good four blocks away, my head was a mess. I had thought some fresh air would have given me some perspective when in fact it was the opposite.
The only time my mind felt like it wasn’t in a fog was when I was with her. How could something feel so foreign and yet right at the same time? There was no way I was already that attached to Kat. My feet picked up their pace. Another block down and I had gone from walking, to jogging, and now sprinting. My feet were hitting the cement with such force that the soles felt like they were being stuck with dozens of needles. My lungs were tight, and trying to pull in a full breath of air was impossible. The pain felt good. The pain made feel like I had something else to focus on instead of the fucked up world waiting for me back at that apartment. Up ahead I knew there was a bench that sat in front of a deserted stretch of beach. It was covered in sharp pebbles, so most people gravitated further down where there was actual sand.
I plopped down on the rickety wood, my chest heaving. The burning sensation was running deeper than just my lungs. Staring out at the water, visions began flashing in front of my eyes. Kat running down a dark sidewalk being stalked by some stranger… then I saw Holt, gasping for air. There was a massive hole in his chest, and it was spurting blood. My mind went back to Kat and the stranger now holding her up by her neck against a wall while his hips pumped forward, her screams silent. Holt’s own mouth was opening and closing, gurgling and choking on his own blood. Hazel eyes were looking up at me, lifeless and empty, while long dark brown hair fell over my arms. Then they were both gone.
I fell from the bench onto my knees and threw up. Every violent memory and image that my imagination took me through played over and over each time I heaved. I had nothing left. My whole body was spent from a lack of sleep, running, and thinking about her. Finally I stood, weak-legged. It was dark out and I’d been out here for at least two hours in pure hell. I needed to go to her. I had to put my hands on her and make sure that she was in one piece. It was a slow walk back. I tripped over my own feet a few times, still deep in thought. The locals that passed me probably thought I was three sheets to the wind.
Walking into The Hole, Beaver was sitting at his usual post. He didn’t question me as I made my way to the back hall. I passed Ed, who was behind the bar serving customers. I think he said something but I didn’t hear him. I was pretty sure I had tunnel vision and Kat was who was at the end. Nobody else existed. Climbing the last few stairs, I briefly considered knocking but then said fuck it. She could throw me out after I saw her.