Touching Scars(16)

It was so hard for me to believe that the girl I watched in high school was the same tatted girl I’d seen last night. Katherine had innocence in her eyes that day, in the parking lot. Everything about her was pure. She was who she was, and she didn’t hide from it. It was something I admired about her. When she stood up to me that day when nobody else had, she made no excuses. The quirkiness, pouty lips, hazel eyes, and no holds barred girl was a total bad ass back then and she didn’t even know it. Even in my drunken state last night, I could tell she still had an attitude that said ‘don’t fuck with me’.

I sucked in a deep breath and blew it out through my nose. Squinting into the dry dirt field, I headed back out. There was plenty of work to be done and not enough hours in the day. I’d given Katherine too much thought already and I needed to focus on something else. Letting my mind wander to her wasn’t the best idea. I might be curious about her, but it’s like Slim said, I can’t get involved. I won’t ruin what I had going on here with my job, and I won’t ruin a girl that I could see was still innocent despite the external appearance she portrayed last night.

I wasn’t the same kid I used to be, either. I tried really hard to be normal around other people but I wasn’t always successful. My head was full of lists. I cataloged things everywhere I went. I had strategies, exit plans, and fail safe plans. I wasn’t normal and I wouldn’t fuck up someone else’s normal just because I was feeling inquisitive. Needing to focus on my job, I pushed Katherine out of my head. The rest of the day went on uneventfully, and I finally jumped on my Harley and headed home.

When I walked in the front door of my apartment I was met with silence. I moved through the pitch black space, allowing my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Making my way into the kitchen, I set my keys down and sat at the table. I had a small, two-seater table that was up against the wall across from the stove. Leaning my head back, I closed my eyes and listened. It was so quiet that I was imagining hearing ringing in my ears. I considered getting up and turning on the television just to have some noise, but I didn’t want to move. I couldn’t hear any traffic from outside, and even my usually noisy neighbors must have been gone. Listening to my own breathing eventually lulled me to sleep. I startled myself awake when I saw a flash of bright light behind my eyelids. Focusing on the time glowing from the microwave, I’d been asleep for the past hour. My whole body was aching from the day’s heavy lifting and how I had been sitting in the chair. I stretched my neck one way, then the other, allowing it to pop with each twist.

It was just past seven o’clock and I hadn’t eaten yet. In fact, I wasn’t even hungry. I really wanted a damn drink. I decided right there in that moment to do something that I knew wasn’t the wisest decision, but my feet thought otherwise. I got up, felt around for my keys, and walked out the door. A few minutes later I found myself standing at the entrance of The Hole. I stood there pondering what I was even doing here. I tried to justify it by telling myself that I was only doing what I did every night, which was drown myself in Crown. But there was no denying that I was here for more than just the alcohol. I wanted to get a glimpse of Katherine. Thinking that if I just saw her once, that would be all I needed and I could walk back out the door, go to the store to buy the good stuff.

That all flew out the window when I walked in and laid eyes on her across the room. She was behind the bar mixing a drink. She had her back to me and I watched her move fluidly around the confined space. Her long hair cascaded down her back in soft, wispy waves. The red ends shone under the lights, giving it a more vibrant hue. She was wearing a short sleeved t-shirt, and she had on a pair of short cut-offs like she did last night. I really wanted to see her legs, but the bar was blocking my view of her lower half.

I didn’t get to continue my perusal of her because a deep voice cleared his throat next to me.

“Dude, I’m gonna need to see your ID before you come in.”

Right. I’d been standing here like a total idiot for I don’t know how long. Digging in my back pocket, I pulled out my license and looked at the man I’d remembered as Beaver. I handed it to him and he inspected it, flipping it back and forth, and then finally looking up at me.

“Wait, you’re the guy from last night. Nelson, right?” Beaver was grinning like he was seeing an old friend.

“It’s Timber, but yeah,” I said.

“Nice seeing you again, man. How long have you been in the area, and how come I hadn’t seen you till last night?”