As I let my mind wander, I stepped up onto the windowsill, making sure my arms were braced tightly. Now the breeze was breaking across me, sending my hair spiraling behind me, the hem of my nightgown playing in the wind.
When I looked down, the breath I’d been taking caught. I felt like I was standing on the edge of the world without a safety net to catch me if I fell. It was both invigorating and terrifying. Closing my eyes, I relaxed my death grip of the windowsill and let myself experience the feeling of flying—the feeling of being free.
I didn’t hear him enter the room, but I felt him. The way a person wakes up to sun on their face.
“Ryan.” His voice spilled across the room, tension heavy in it.
I kept my eyes closed for another minute as I heard his footsteps pad closer. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to jump. You won’t be rid of me that easily.”
The sound of his neck popping filled the room. “Not funny.”
“Not to you maybe.” Opening my eyes, I let the moment pass, but the effects of it stayed with me.
“What are you doing?”
When I looked back at him, I found he’d moved right up behind me, his arms out, his chest twitching in anticipation. He’d really been worried I was thinking about jumping. Guess I couldn’t blame him. I was fresh on the heels of experiencing the worst episode of the disease that was going to, eventually, kill me.
“Looking death in the face,” I answered, turning to look back out into the black void. “It’s good to remind yourself that death’s always right here, waiting for us, letting us carry on. Death isn’t so scary. No more than life anyway.”
He was silent for a moment. “Ryan?”
“Yeah?”
Very gently, his hands molded around my stomach. “Will you please get down from there?”
Lowering my arms, I placed my hands over his. “All done reminding death I’m not scared of him. Bring me back down to earth.”
He had me off of the windowsill in half of a heartbeat, settling my feet in front of him on the plush carpet. I didn’t miss the way he turned so he was between me and the open window.
“No more balancing out of open windows please.” His forehead creased, his hands still holding me close. “Not after today.”
After everything he’d done for Charlie and me, I would have done anything for him. Least of all heeding a simple request. “Okay.”
He’d changed into a pair of jeans and a snug V-neck tee. The sweat and AstroTurf smell was washed off of him, making the man scent that much more prominent. It made me dizzy, especially with him touching me, nothing but a few fragments of moonlight invading the dark around us.
“Did you have dinner? I wasn’t sure what time you’d be home.”
Letting go of my waist, he turned and started to close the window I’d just crawled down from. “I’m not hungry. Sorry, I should have called or let you know what time I’d be home.”
“You don’t need to let me know where you are every hour of every day. It’s fine.”
He glanced back at me, most of the anxiety that had lined his expression gone. “Yeah, but I like knowing where you are every hour of every day, so I try to make it a two-way street.”
My hand settled on my hip as I watched him move to the next window. “Just because you like to know doesn’t mean you get to know.”
Grant’s soft laugh moved around the room. “It’s funny how after all of these years, and knowing you’re safe from the dangers of our old life, my palms still break out in sweat when I realize I don’t know where you are.” His shirt pulled across his back when he shrugged, moving on to the next window. “More old habits dying never.”
“After everything we’ve both been through, I’ll take it easy on you.”
“You’ll put up with my irrational, bordering-on-extreme overprotectiveness?”
“Well, I’ll try.” When he’d finished closing all of the windows, I realized he’d left them all open a little. Just enough to let the fresh air make its way inside.
“Then this is the perfect time for me to mention where I was tonight.”
From the way he was avoiding eye contact, I guessed I wasn’t going to be particularly pleased with wherever that was.
“Yes?” I took a deep breath, prepared for anything.
“I went to visit an old friend of mine. An old college friend. Well, actually, he started out as my tutor when I was having a tough time keeping up with my classes and threatening to get kicked off of the football team.”
The skin between my eyebrows came together. I hadn’t known many of Grant’s college friends. I’d met a few of the guys on the team the handful of times I’d made it to a game, but usually whenever we had a weekend together, he didn’t want to share me with anyone. We’d just found some place to lock ourselves up together, away from the rest of the world.