“Mike and Adam thought it would help me,” she said finally. “Adam thought if I could get used to being intimate with someone online in a virtual setting where I couldn’t get scared, it might help me be able to deal with my fears in the real world. I was so embarrassed.” She laughed, remembering that conversation. “It wasn’t something I wanted to discuss with him. Virtual sex.” She shook her head, grinning.
“Did it help at all?” Nikoli asked, curiously.
She thought for a minute before answering. “Yeah, it did. Not with the physical aspect of my phobia, but with my own bashfulness and self-esteem. It was a place where I could be myself, be the person I hide from everyone else. No one cares in there how messed up I am in the real world, they only care about the little pixel person in front of them. It helped me learn to be myself in the real world.”
Nikoli stared at the woman staring at him and took a deep breath. Her honesty always shocked him. It was something he valued, though. Most women, while not dishonest, tended to stretch or avoid the truth. It was one of the reasons he never bothered to get to know many of them. Oh, he had a few friends who were girls, but only a few, and he never talked to them for hours like he did Lily Bells.
“So, did you ever have virtual sex?” he asked, the devil in him wanting to make her blush.
“That’s really none of your business,” she replied, picking at her food, the blush blooming on her cheeks.
“Come on, Milaya,” he wheedled. “You can tell me. It is VSL after all.” He watched her duck her head, and he smiled in response. She was nervous. The one thing she didn’t need to be with him.
“Really, Mr. Kincaid, it’s none of your business.”
“Oh, but I beg to differ, Miss Holmes,” he said, his voice soft. “You are my business, and now that I know you’re on VSL, you’ll be my business there too.”
“Well, no, I don’t think so,” she replied, finally looking up, and his breath caught at the devilment in her blue eyes. They were shining with laughter. “I may already be someone else’s business on there.”
Anger and jealousy swelled up within him. The thought of her being with anyone else, even some virtual boyfriend she’d never meet, had him seeing red. She was his. In the real world or in the virtual world.
“Do you have a boyfriend on there, Milaya?” His voice came out whisper soft, but the steel in it was impossible to mistake, and Lily’s eyes flared in response. When she didn’t answer, he let out a low growl. “Answer the damn question, Lily.”#p#分页标题#e#
“No,” she said. “I haven’t had a boyfriend on there for months. The guys on that game are bloody cheating bastards.”
Relief swept through him at those words. She would have broken up with the guy if she’d had one. “Well, it is a sex game, Milaya. They are there for one reason, and one reason only. If you aren’t giving them what they want, they move on.”
“I don’t do voice or video,” she said. “I think that is part of it.”
He nodded. He’d never thought of that, but then again, his same rule applied online as much as it did in real life. He never dated girls online either. He had lots of friends on there, but the girls he had sex with in-game stayed off his friends list.
“You shouldn’t,” he said. “They aren’t just cheaters, Lily. Some of them are downright stalkers.”
“Creepers.” She smiled. “That’s what I call them. The ones who creep me out.”
He shook his head. Leave it to Lily to come up with a cute name for the weirdos who liked to stalk girls online. “Now, next question. I’m assuming you’ve had virtual sex on there?”
“Yes.” The one word sounded low and almost torn from her. She was so embarrassed, and it was adorable.
“How long have you been a member?” he asked.
“Since our sophomore year.”
He sat back and stared. Two years on a sex game. She wasn’t as innocent as he’d thought at first. Then again, virtual sex wasn’t the same. “Do you touch yourself, Lily? When you’re in the moment, do you touch yourself for them?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I’ve never felt the need to do that with anyone. I just lie and say I do.”
Again her honesty shocked him. So she’d been playing this game for two years and never so much as stroked herself? He shook his head this time. Time for his girl to understand the beauty of being touched. She’d been depriving herself for far too long.