“Tell me about Laney.” He needed to distract himself from that thought or he’d never get to sleep.
“What…why?” she asked, her eyes wide.
“Because, Milaya, part of your problems stem from what happened to your sister. You feel guilty. Talking about her will help.”
“What do you want to know?” she asked cautiously.
“Whatever you want to tell me.”
Lily stared at Nikoli’s face and frowned. Talking about her sister wasn’t going to help. It might make it worse. Anytime she thought of her twin, she always got depressed and lonely. She missed her more than anything and wished she could take back that awful day. Talking about Laney hurt.
What if he was right, though? What if not talking about her was part of the problem? Rebekah seemed to think talking about Laney was helping her to forgive herself, and it was easier to talk to him than anyone else about her sister.
“You remember I told you Laney and I were twins?”
He nodded and waited for her to continue.
She smiled. He was as patient with her as her psychiatrist was. Her fingers caught the hem of her t-shirt and started twisting. “When we were little, we did everything together, even finished each other’s sentences. Very twinish. She was a mama’s girl, though, and I was strictly a daddy’s girl. Our personalities were so different, it didn’t matter that we were identical. Anyone could tell us apart.” A grin lit up her face. “Unless we didn’t want them to.”
“You two were devils, weren’t you?” Nikoli asked. His laugh filled the room.
“Terrors,” she agreed, smiling. “My grandpa used to swear in frustration every time he watched us. We always talked him into doing things our parents said no to.”
“How was she different from you?”
“I was the quiet one with her nose either in a book or buried under the hood of a car. Not Laney. She had this bigger than life personality that drew all kinds of people to her. Everyone loved her. She was kind and sweet, but loud and boisterous too. Always the center of attention. The epitome of what a girl was—she loved shopping, purple was her favorite color, she loved cooking, fashion, you name it. If it was girly, Laney adored it.”#p#分页标题#e#
Lily paused and closed her eyes, flashes of her sister’s smiling face assaulting her. A tear leaked out at the pain that hit her in the gut. God, she missed Laney. So much. Missed the long talks they used to have, the sound of her laugh. Pain ripped through her and she almost doubled over from the force of it.
“Milaya, it’s okay to hurt, to grieve,” Nikoli said softly. “It’s how we deal with loss and move on. If you don’t let yourself grieve for your sister, you’ll never get better.”
“I miss her,” Lily told him, her eyes closed. “Every day. It feels like there is this big hole where she was. We were twins, two halves of the same whole. I always knew what she was thinking, what she was feeling. Now that’s gone. I’m empty inside, Nikoli. So empty. And every damn bit of it is my fault. If only I hadn’t been such a stupid…”
“Lily,” he interrupted her. “Your sister loved you, didn’t she?”
“Yes.”
“Then do you think she’d want you to keep blaming yourself? How would it make her feel knowing you were putting yourself through so much pain, when what happened to her was an accident?”
“No.”
“Then start to forgive yourself. From everything you’ve said, I know your sister would have forgiven you a long time ago. Neither of you had any idea that car was around the corner. Had you known, you’d have done everything to get to her, to save her. She knows that, and I guarantee she wouldn’t hold you responsible for what happened. It was an accident, Milaya, a tragic accident, and not your fault.”
Lily wiped her tears. Laney wouldn’t want her to be in this shape, but it was going to take more than a pep talk from Nikoli to make Lily forget what she’d done to her sister. She was starting to heal, even she realized that. Maybe it was just time, or maybe it was because of Nikoli. Either way, she was getting better. Talking with Rebekha had helped her come to that conclusion.
“Tell you what,” Nikoli said. “Every day, starting tomorrow, I want you to tell me something new about Laney. Tell me about some adventure you two went on, the pranks you pulled, anything you want to tell me about the happy memories you had with Laney. Can you do that?”
She nodded. She could do that.
“What are you doing Saturday?” he asked.
“Studying?”