Touch Me Not(43)

Why was he just standing there?

His breath tickled her ear. “Do you still want me to touch you, Milaya?”

DEFCON three exploded in her senses. Her brain said no, her body said yes. What was happening to her? Every nerve was alert, waiting expectantly for him to touch her. She craved it.

“Answer me.”

“I don’t know,” she almost wailed. She didn’t understand anything happening to her right now.

“Shhh, Milaya,” Nikoli soothed. He knew he couldn’t push her too far. This whole thing had been about trust. “Your entire body is quivering, Milaya. Not shaking in fear, but quivering in excitement, anticipation, and you’re confused. That’s perfectly okay. I’m going to remove the scarf now. Hold still for me.”

He carefully untied the scarf, letting it fall from her eyes. Her gaze swept up to look at his face, and his lungs refused to expand. The blue was darker, but they were sleepy, filled with desire. He could see the confusion on her face, but he sensed her excitement in the way her body reacted to his nearness. He forced his hands to stay at his sides.

“Better?” he asked softly.

“I…I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “Why did you do that?”

“Trust,” he said simply. “I wanted to show you that I can be trusted. A woman is at her most vulnerable when she cedes control to a man. You needed to understand that I don’t take that trust lightly. I promised I wouldn’t touch you, and I kept my word, Lily.”

She gave him a hesitant smile.

“Do you want to talk about how it made you feel?” he asked. “You weren’t expecting to feel anything but fear, were you?”

“I’ve never done anything like that,” she whispered. “I’ve read books like that. When a woman gives up control and willingly lets a guy hurt her…”

“Did I hurt you, Lily?” he interrupted her, his voice hard and unyielding. He wouldn’t let her think this was like those cheesy erotica novels about BDSM. It wasn’t. He didn’t hurt women for kinks. He liked control, yes, but to do some of the stuff he’d seen in the clubs he frequented? That wasn’t him.

“No,” she admitted. “It’s just when you said you were going to cover my eyes, I thought…” She shook her head. “I’m not that girl, Nikoli, a…a submissive. The one who lets a man take advantage of her, hurt her, use her for his own satisfaction.”

“You’ve got a skewed perception of the lifestyle, Lily,” he said. “It’s not about hurting a woman or using her. It’s about satisfying needs, about trust, and respect.”

“But how is it about respect when you take away someone’s control?”#p#分页标题#e#

“Lily, you obeyed the commands I gave you today. Why?”

He watched a myriad of emotions cross her face as she tried to articulate her answer. More than anything, the part of him that was the dominant alpha male wanted to hold her, to tell her it was okay, he’d take care of everything, but he couldn’t do that with her. She needed to come to grips with her own fears first.

“Can I sit?” she asked, her hands worrying each other. Nikoli smiled. She didn’t even realize she’d asked permission. He nodded.

She collapsed onto the bed. “At first, I was curious. Then, it was about trying to overcome the paralyzing fear I felt at the thought of what you might do when I couldn’t see it coming.”

“But it changed, didn’t it, Milaya?” He sat down beside her, barely an inch separating their bodies. “You found you wanted to obey, to do as I asked. Your body reacted to my voice, and that confused you.”

Lily nodded, not looking at him. “It went from fear to…to anticipation.”

Nikoli smiled and pride swelled within him. She was being honest, and that, more than anything, was going to cement his authority and her trust, her submission to him. It had to be hard for her, but she didn’t hide from it.

“Look at me, Lily.”

She looked up, her face hesitant.

“What you felt was natural. You were curious, your body reacted to the desire you felt. It let you know what it wanted, even when you weren’t capable of understanding it. Don’t be afraid.”

“I’m not afraid of you.”

He chuckled. “You should be, Milaya. You should be terrified of me.”

“I know,” she told him, her voice breathy, and his own breathing hitched in reaction. He leaned in closer, his shoulder brushing hers. She gasped, her mouth parting as the sound slipped out. His eyes focused on her lips. They were full, lush, and had inspired all sorts of fantasies the last few days. It would be so easy to lean in and brush her lips with his. She tilted her head up, her eyes questioning.