Touch Me Not(42)

“And?”

“And do you feel that way today?” he asked gently. “Do you feel anxious being this close to me? Do you need to run, to hide, or to flinch away from my touch?”#p#分页标题#e#

Her eyes widened slightly.

“The answer is no, Milaya. I didn’t give you choices today. You spent the day with me, dressed exactly as I wanted you dressed. I helped you decide to touch me by trapping you, distracting you so you couldn’t panic. I set the rules for our outing today, and you are stronger, more confident now because of those rules.”

“I…I’m not sure what you want me to say.” Her eyes were full of questions and uncertainty.

“I don’t want you to say anything, Milaya,” he said, his voice firm. “I just want you to stand perfectly still and remain silent. Don’t move, and keep your eyes straight ahead.”

He studied her profile. She was nervous, but not nearly as nervous as when Adam left. Deciding to take a chance on pushing her, Nikoli walked over to her closet. She had it partially open, and he’d seen several scarves. He selected the thinnest one he could find. He had much more suitable ones at the apartment, but this would have to do for now.

Lily trembled. She could hear Nikoli behind her rummaging through her closet. She’d heard the sliding door squeak as he pushed it out of his way. Why was he in her closet? The urge to look was strong, but she fought it. Honestly, she was almost afraid to look. She closed her eyes and shifted from foot to foot. She wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. The campus manwhore was in her room, giving her crazy orders, and she was obeying. Why? No clue other than she’d never been in a situation like this before and she was curious. Curious enough to tamp down her own fears for a few minutes.

She felt him standing behind her. Heat radiated from his body into hers. If she stepped back half an inch, she’d hit his chest. Her muscles tightened, panic creeping up. She fought hard to stand still, to not give in to her growing unease. Her phobia had the ability to rob her of everything in seconds. She’d been happy, even laughing a few minutes ago, and now she was beginning to feel afraid. She hated herself sometimes.

“Shh, baby,” Nikoli whispered, his warm breath blowing on her ear. She shivered in response, an instinctive reaction. “I’m going to put a scarf over your eyes.”

“What? No!”

“Be. Still.” His voice wasn’t harsh, but it held a definite command that her body obeyed. “Breathe,” he told her. “I’m not going to touch you, Milaya. Be easy, sweetheart.”

Lily’s hands started to shake, but she forced herself to remain still as Nikoli’s arms rose up on either side of her. She saw one of her favorite wool scarves come up and then gently cover her eyes. He stepped away from her so he could tie the ends together.

“Easy, katyonak.” Nikoli’s voice came out soothing, but there was still a bite of a command to it. “This is about trust. I told you I wouldn’t touch you, and I won’t.”

Could she trust him? He’d given her no reason not to trust him, aside from his sneak attacks, as he called them. They didn’t even bother her anymore. She’d stopped flinching about two hours into the drive this morning to pick up the car. It was then she’d realized she was starting to trust him. She shouldn’t, had no reason to, but oddly, she did. Maybe she just needed to trust him. Needed to have faith she could get better, that he could help her do it.

Believing it was entirely different from trying to convince her body of it.

She felt him move away from her, heard him walking around her room. What the hell was he doing? Her nerves were strung taught and she strained her ears to try and hear him. Where was he? Her mattress squeaked, and she turned in that direction.

“Did I say you could move?” he asked, his voice full of authority and displeasure.#p#分页标题#e#

Lily groaned. She wasn’t sure if she liked this side of Nikoli or not, but she had to admit her body reacted to it. It clenched up in all sorts of places it shouldn’t. Her nostrils flared and she realized her hands had stopped shaking. Other nerves were crowding her right now, ones that had nothing to do with her fear of being touched.

“Did I?” he asked again, an edge of irritation in his voice.

“No,” Lily whispered, trying to understand what she was feeling, but failing miserably.

“Back to your position, Milaya.”

Lily frowned, but turned back to facing the wall opposite her closet. Nikoli stood up, and she heard him walking again. Anticipation flashed through her, and it only served to confuse her further. Her heartbeat sped up when she felt him in front of her. He was close. She could smell his aftershave. It invaded her senses, causing her breath to get a little more labored.