Touch Me Not(33)

“You’ve no idea. If one of us wasn’t bleeding all over her floor, then we were all fighting. She has this look that could make us all feel both embarrassed and ashamed in a heartbeat.”

“I think all mothers have that look.” Her own mother certainly did. She’d used it when Lily announced her plans to move to Boston for college.

“How about you?” Nikoli asked. “Do you have any other brothers or sisters?”

Lily nodded. “Mom remarried when Laney and I were fourteen.”

“You were twins?” Nikoli interrupted.

“Yeah. Identical.” They couldn’t have been more different, though. Laney hated the racetrack, hated cars in general. She’d have rather stayed home and helped Mom with whatever. Lily grew up on the racetrack, Laney grew up shopping and learning to be the future prom queen. No matter how different they were, though, they were also the same. Laney loved Lily more than anything in the world, and Lily felt the same. She still felt empty inside, like a piece of her was missing without her twin. Sometimes it was a physical ache that hurt so bad, she had to lie down until it passed. “So, back to your question. I have a little brother and sister. Twins again. They run in my mom’s family. Mia and Mitchell.”

“Does your fear apply to them too?” Nikoli asked softly.

Lily sighed. She wished to God she could say no. They were babies and didn’t understand why she wouldn’t play with them or hold them, or even kiss them. She loved them to death, but she couldn’t physically show it.

“I’m guessing that’s a yes?” At her nod, he said, “Well, we’ll fix that soon enough, Lily Bells.”

“Tell me about growing up in Russia.” She needed to get off this line of questioning. It was making her nervous. Just talking about her psychosis made her neurotic sometimes. She wanted to enjoy the day, not slump into a depression.

“I’ll tell you all about Russia if you do one thing for me.” Nikoli’s even and calm tone put Lily’s defenses on red alert. He was up to something.

“What?” she asked suspiciously.

Nikoli laughed. “Don’t look at me like I’ve just asked you to commit felony murder. It’s something simple.”

“What?” she asked again, suspecting it was something worse than felony murder.

“I want you to touch me.”

She stared at him. He kept his eyes on the road. He wanted her to touch him?

“You can poke my arm with your finger if you want,” he offered, keeping his tone light.

“Why?”

“Because Lily, you have to be comfortable with me…”

“And you think I’m going to get there by you forcing me to do something I don’t want to do?” Her voice sounded shrill even to her, but she couldn’t help it. She was already starting to panic just thinking about it.#p#分页标题#e#

“I’m not forcing you,” he said calmly. “You want to hear about Russia, I want you to touch me. It’s a fair trade. If you can’t do it, then we’ll talk about something else.”

Lily took several deep breaths, trying to calm herself. She closed her eyes and counted to twenty like one therapist had taught her to do. This was what she’d asked him to help her with, to help her learn to tolerate someone’s touch. Nikoli was even giving her the control, letting her touch him. Could she do it?

Fingertips ran down her arm from shoulder to hand, and she flinched away from them. Her eyes snapped open and she looked at Nikoli, but his eyes were still fixed on the road. “Sneak attack?” she spat. How dare he? He’d said she could touch him, and here he went and took that little bit of control away.

He grinned. “Yup.”

Bastard.

“Choice is yours, Lily Bells,” Nikoli said. “We can talk about Russia, or you can tell me about growing up on the racetrack.”

“Why don’t you tell me something else about yourself instead?” she asked. Russia would have to wait. She wasn’t ready to touch him yet. It was too soon.

“Nope. You want to know something about me, you know the price.”

She gasped. “You…you…you…”

He reached over and hovered a finger in front of her lips, not touching her, but she got the point. “Uh-uh, Milaya. If you want to know something about me, it’s going to cost you. A simple touch. That’s all. If you’re not ready, then you’re not ready, but that’s the price of asking me questions about myself.”

Bastard.

“Be pissed all you want, Lily, but those are the rules.”

“I thought you said we’d do this with patience.” She glared. He said one thing, but did another. What the ever-loving hell?