Touch Me Not(28)

She swallowed, every muscle in her body tightening at the promise in his voice. Somehow in that moment, looking into his black eyes, she believed him. He might be able to do this for her.

“I’m sorry about your sister,” he told her. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost one of my brothers, so I can’t begin to imagine what you felt, what you still feel. Hell, all but one of my brothers have graduated and spread out around the country, and I miss them. If I couldn’t call one of them or see them…” He closed his eyes, and Lily just stared. She’d never seen this side of him. He sounded like a decent human being for once. “I am sorry, Lily.”

“Thank you,” she said softly.

“I’m a bastard. I know that, but I’m not a heartless bastard,” he said, sliding closer to her. She pushed herself as far into the cushion as she could, but he came closer, until he was sitting only about two inches away from her. Her palms started to sweat. “I want you to understand that simple fact. I’m going to push you, Milaya, push you well past your breaking points on many levels, but know that I heard you, heard your pain. I won’t let my own needs make me forget how much you’re hurting. You will always come first with me. You just need to be willing to try.”#p#分页标题#e#

His dark eyes burned with an intensity that scared Lily a bit. She’d never had anyone look at her like that. Those eyes held a promise. All she had to do was accept it. Could she do it?

“Will you tell me exactly how you plan on helping me?” She needed to know the specifics.

“We’re going to go slowly, Lily. First, you have to be comfortable with me, so you and I are going to spend a lot of time together. You’ll be as comfortable with me as you are with Boy Wonder and Mike.”

“Hardly.” She couldn’t repress the giggle that slipped out. She was too nervous. “Neither of them have designs on my virtue.”

He smiled, really smiled, and she couldn’t help but admire his dimples. Nikoli had a nice smile when he wasn’t trying too hard. It was honest. “Once you start to get used to me, we’ll move on to something basic.”

“Like?”

“Like putting your hand in mine. I won’t do anything except let you set your hand in mine. You can snatch it back without fear.”

“So you’ll let me touch you instead of touching me?” She’d never tried that before. Adam had always forced her to let him hug her.

“It’s all about control, Lily,” Nikoli explained. “Everyone has been forcing their touch on you, and I won’t do that. I may do a few sneak attacks, but I’m going to let you get used to touching me, become familiar with how my skin feels against yours. Once that happens, then I’ll touch you. Trust me, Milaya, you will learn to love the way I touch you.”

“What does that mean? Milaya? It’s Russian?”

“Yes, it’s Russian,” he said.

“So?” she prompted. “What does it mean?”

Nikoli wasn’t ready to tell her yet what it meant. He wasn’t even sure himself why he called her that. It meant sweetheart. He’d never in his life called a woman sweetheart. It slipped out around this one, and it unnerved him a little.

“What it means doesn’t matter.” He brushed the question aside. “Are you ready for this, Lily? Really ready for it? I want you to be sure.”

“I…I don’t want to live like this anymore, terrified, unable to show anyone how much I care about them. I can’t even hug my mom.” She twisted her fingers, her anxiety easy to read. “Even if things don’t turn out with Adam, I want to be normal again, Nikoli. I want to have what everyone else has—someone who loves them, a family. I need to be able to touch someone in order to get that. ”

Nikoli watched her. So many emotions ran rampant on her face. He couldn’t even begin to fathom all the pain this woman had gone through, but here she sat, stronger than most. Yeah, she had a hang-up, but she was trying to get past it. She wasn’t taking it lying down anymore. To face your fears took more courage than people ever gave you credit for. He’d faced a few demons himself, so he understood. Lily wasn’t just special; she was extraordinary.

“Then you’ll have it, Lily. I promise.”

“What about you, though?” she asked.

“Me?”

Lily grinned, her inner devil shining through, and Nikoli frowned. What was the minx up to?

“Well, you did say you wanted to improve people’s perception of you. If you plan on doing this, it means you can’t go out and have sex with whomever. If you want people to believe we’re dating, then you are going to have to conform to my standards.”