Nikoli had expected a story of violence, given how she’d reacted when he’d grabbed her at lunch, so he was very surprised to hear that. “So, it just kind of developed on its own?”
“Do we have to talk about it right now?” Her voice was strained as her eyes fell away from his, but he’d caught the glimmer of shame in them.
“Yes, we have to talk about it right now.” he said, his voice firm. “I need to understand this if I am going to help you.”
Another hollow laugh erupted from her. “It’s not about helping me, and you know it. It’s about trying to get me naked.”
“That’s true.” He cracked a grin, despite the seriousness of the situation. “I won’t lie about it, but I do want to help you, Lily. I don’t know exactly why, but I do. And I can help you, more than anyone else, but you have to help me understand why you can’t bear for someone to touch you.”
She remained quiet for a long time, but Nikoli patiently waited. He couldn’t push her, not right now. He would eventually, but for now, she needed to do this, to trust him. It was hard for her. Her face said as much, but when she nodded, he relaxed.
“You know my dad died when I was twelve,” she began. “I started to act out after that. Gave my mom some serious trouble. I skipped school, started hanging out with the wrong people, and over the next three years, you name it, I did it. My sister, Laney, decided enough was enough. It was Friday night, and I snuck out of the house. Laney followed me and tried to stop me. She grabbed me, and I pushed her. When she fell, I went running across the street. There was a park across from us that cut straight through to the cemetery where I was meeting up with my friends. She got up to follow me. Our house was on a curve, one you couldn’t see around. The driver never saw her. He wasn’t even going very fast, but he drove right over her. She died from massive internal bleeding.”#p#分页标题#e#
“And you blame yourself.” Nikoli hadn’t expected that. Losing so many people in such a short amount of time had to be hard to begin with, but blaming herself too? It sucked ass. He at least understood her a bit better now and could build from there.
She nodded. “Wouldn’t you?”
He could have lied to her, but that wouldn’t have done either of them any good. “Yeah, Lily Bells, I probably would have blamed myself too.”
She smiled slightly. “After that, it got harder for me to let anyone touch me. I kept seeing her grab my arm and me pushing her away, and then watching as the truck ran her over. Adam tried to help me, he used to grab me in these bear hugs, but I just couldn’t…I started to shake, and then I’d start screaming. I couldn’t. He gave up after a while. It was an easy diagnosis, but a little harder to cure. It really is all in my head.”
“You equate someone touching you with death, specifically a death caused by you,” Nikoli muttered. This might be harder than he’d expected, but he wasn’t going to let her mental hang-ups deter him.
“So how can you fix that?” She laughed bitterly.
“With patience,” he said, determined. And some help from friends in the psych department. A few owed him favors and might be able to shed some light on her phobia for him.
Lily glanced up, surprised. Patience? He seriously thought he could cure her of her worst phobia with patience? Nikoli Kincaid was truly insane if he thought that.
“Adam tried that for over a year, Nikoli. Why would your attempts be any different?”
He studied her, and Lily squirmed. She also blushed when his gaze traveled from her head to her toes and back up, landing on her lips and staying there. She felt hot and took a sip of water. His stare caused all sorts of unfamiliar sensations to assault her. His smile said he knew it too. Here she’d told him her darkest secret, and all that was on his mind was sex! Now she felt really stupid. Why did she believe this could work? Nikoli was the worst kind of womanizer, and she knew it.
“Lily, Boy Wonder is an asshat and an idiot,” Nikoli told her. “You needed patience and a firm hand. He couldn’t give that to you. It was too hard, and he gave up. I, on the other hand, don’t give up, and I love a challenge.”
“How are you supposed to help me when all you can think about is getting into my pants?” Lily asked, rubbing her arms.
“It’s because I want into your pants that I can help you,” he fired back. “I have methods we can use, things that will help you learn to tolerate my touch, enjoy just thinking about what my hands will do to you.”