Totally, Sweetly, Irrevocably(56)

Gina gave her a weak smile. Once, the thought of a bunch of wealthy, single men throwing themselves at her would have made her day. But now, only one man consumed her thoughts. Had been consuming her thoughts for two weeks. She didn’t know how much longer she could take the loop of Rick visuals in her head.

Nat squeezed her hand, knowing without Gina saying anything what was going through her mind. “You up for this?”

Gina hesitated. Not really. But sitting around the apartment certainly wasn’t helping. Maybe getting back out there would. “Yeah. Totally up for it.”

Nat’s eyebrows rose. “That sounded convincing.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not my fault you can always tell when I’m lying. It would be nice if you’d pretend to believe me every now and then.”

Nat smiled at her. Gina sighed and sat on the end of the bed. “I miss him, Nat.”

“I know you do,” she said, sitting beside her and draping an arm around her shoulders.

“I don’t want to miss him. It’s stupid. Pointless. I mean, do I get a little lonely sometimes or feel like maybe I’m missing out on something? Sure. Everyone feels like that every now and then. Right?”

“Sure.”

“But is having someone worth being with the wrong person? Just for the sake of not being alone?”

“No.” Nat kept to one-word answers, probably afraid if she said too much, Gina would stop talking. No worries there. It was like once she’d opened the floodgates she couldn’t close them. All the thoughts that had been tumbling around in her head for the last couple weeks came spilling out.

“The problem is…”

“What?” Nat asked.

Gina sighed. “He didn’t feel wrong.”

The knowing smile that graced Nat’s face should have irritated Gina, but it didn’t. It was actually a relief to have someone not only get what she was saying, but support it.

“Everything about Rick felt right,” Gina continued. “So unbelievably, heart-poundingly right. I mean, literally heart-pounding. Like in books and movies. I always thought that was total crap. Not something that happened in real life. And it wasn’t only the sex, though, don’t get me wrong—I can’t imagine anyone ever measuring up to him in that department.”

“Ever?” Nat asked, looking suitably impressed at that declaration.

“Ever,” Gina said. “But even aside from that, he somehow…I don’t know…filled a hole I didn’t realize needing filling. Okay, wait,” she said, holding up her hand to ward off Nat’s startled laugh.

“Wow, thanks for that mental image,” Nat said.

“My bad. Wrong choice of words there.”

Nat was still giggling. “You think?”

“Well, wrong choice of words, maybe, but apt all the same.”

“Okay, so aside from that statement referring to your amazing sex life with him, what do you mean?”

Gina shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess…well, I’m kind of a tough girl. And that’s how people treat me. Like I can take anything they dish out. For the most part, I can. I like that about me. I like that I’m strong and independent.”

Nat gave her another squeeze. “So do I.”

“But sometimes…I don’t know. Sometimes it’s nice to not have to be so strong, you know? Rick…he was the first one who was ever really…sweet to me. Tender. Does that sound totally lame?”

Nat shook her head, her eyes suspiciously shiny. “No. It sounds like he loves you.”

Gina looked down at her hands in her lap. “If he loves me, then why did he leave?”

“Did you ask him to stay? Or get angry and scared and throw him out?”

Gina looked up at Nat with a wry smile.

“Okay,” Nat said. “Silly question, I know. Of course you threw him out. But that doesn’t mean you can’t go get him again. If you love him, that is. Do you?”

Gina didn’t want to answer that. Not out loud. Not to a third party. Saying it out loud would make it real. Would make it that much more painful that she’d lost the one thing she wanted most in the world.

“What difference does it make now? It’s over. I sent him away, and he not only didn’t argue it, he agreed that he should leave and took off. And never looked back.”

“I wouldn’t discount him yet. Remember me and Eric. I thought we were done for good. And look at us now.” Nat’s content smile made Gina ecstatically happy for her best friend, and green with envy at the same time.

“Not everyone can have a love story like you two.”

Nat shrugged. “Maybe not. But I’d be willing to bet money you can.”