Total D*ck(72)

“Lie back.” I stood and pushed at her shoulder.

“What, why?”

“Because you’ll wrinkle it at your stomach if you don’t. Either stand or lie down, but you can’t sit.”

“Is this what you learn at debutante balls and all that?” Evan lay back.

“Careful with the hair! Hang your head off the side.” I made sure her red curls cascaded without being crushed. My mother had taught me well, and though I didn’t exactly adhere to her standards on a daily basis, keeping a bride fresh and unwrinkled definitely called for all the tricks of the trade.

“This is fucking awkward.” She frowned and tried to sit up again.

I took her hand and pulled her to her feet.

“On your feet or on your back.”

A snort sounded from the bathroom and Caroline walked out. “That’s what Wash said to me last night. What are you mad about, anyway?”

“I just realized I forgot the something blue. I’m supposed to have blue, right? I have something old.” She touched the antique diamond tiara atop her head. “And something new, my dress, but nothing blue.” She paced around, the hardwood floor creaking under her heels.

“Oh, that’s easy.” Caroline walked to the door, opened it, and yelled down the hall for Terrell.

He appeared in moments, a cross look on his handsome face. He wore a simple black suit with a white dress shirt open at the collar. Posh, but not too stuffy. “Why are you yelling like a banshee at my mom’s house? She already hates that I go slumming it with you.”

“Oh, shut up.” She kissed him on the cheek. “I need a favor. We need something blue.”

“Anything blue will do?”

“As long as it’s not one of those test tubes from a goddamn maxi pad commercial, we’re good.” Evan threw her hands up and kept pacing.

Clinton passed by and smiled. He, Clarence, and Shorty were serving as ushers for the event.

Terrell grinned, his brown eyes warming. “I’ll be right back. I know just the thing.”

I closed the door and smoothed down my lavender bridesmaid dress. Caroline and I matched, but it wasn’t the worst bridesmaid dress I’d ever worn.

“Is it two million degrees in here?” Evan snatched up a program and began fanning herself.

“You need to take it down a notch.” Caroline sat on the ornately carved four-poster bed.

“Why does she get to sit?” Evan pointed at Caroline.

“Our dresses don’t wrinkle. Besides, you’re the star of the show. You need to be flawless.” I picked up a program and began fanning her. At least my efforts made her stand still.

A knock at the door and Terrell slipped through. He had a blue ring in the palm of his hand, but it was too big to be for a finger. My eyes grew wide as I began to suspect what it was.

“What’s that?” Caroline walked over and examined it. “Wait.” She tucked a blond tendril of hair behind her ear and bent closer. “Is that what I think it is?”

“Indeed. Here you are, madam. Something blue.” He bowed and held his hand out to Evan.

She plucked it from his palm. “Why do I think this is a cock ring?”

“Because it is.” He shrugged and utterly failed to hide his smug smile. “I have a few things stashed in my old room. This is just one.”

“That’s um, well. It’s unique?” I hadn’t intended it as a question, but that’s what it was. I didn’t know if I should laugh or be outraged, though I preferred the former. It was Evan’s day, so I let her decide how to play it.

Evan stepped to Terrell so they were almost nose to nose. “Are you saying you want me to walk down the aisle on my goddamn wedding day with a cock ring stashed in my dress?”

“You said anything would do. And I’m sure putting it in your bouquet would suffice for tradition.” Terrell didn’t back down.

Evan arched an eyebrow and then belted out a laugh. “You’re on, motherfucker.” She snatched her bouquet of white calla lilies and yellow roses, flipped it around, and slid the cock ring up some of the stems until it was on tight.

“You are unbelievable.” Caroline poked Terrell in the ribs and shooed him out the door.

“Hey, is Scarlett in there?” Kennedy spoke in the hallway.

“Caroline, too?” Wash’s deeper voice carried, and Caroline perked up.

“Evan?” I raised my eyebrows, begging permission.

“Go, go. I need to get my balls hanging straight anyway. It’s an alone-time task.” She waved us out the door and into the hall.

Wash grabbed Caroline by the waist and, despite her startled cry, whipped her into a bedroom across the hall.