“I’m fine.” I took a sip of my coffee. “I was just thinking about my mom. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her.”
“We can go for Thanksgiving.”
“Yeah.” I nodded slowly. “That’s not until November, though.”
“Can you take time off from work?” he asked and I nodded. “Why don’t you fly down and see her?”
It was wrong that I had coerced my husband this way, and it was horrible that I planned to actually spend that time with Nate, but I’d stopped caring a long time ago what was right or wrong. I was living for me. And Nate brought me joy.
“You’d be okay with that?”
“Sure.” He threw his arm around my neck and pulled me closer to him. “I’m busy with work now anyway.”
I knew from Nate that was a lie, but I suspected Julian had found someone to keep him busy at work.
When Julian focused his attention back on the television, I snuck out of the living room and into the bathroom. I pulled my cell phone out of my back pocket, and I let the water run in the sink as I sent Nate a text message.
Me: Yo.
It was our code word in the event Delaney was nearby.
Nicole: Hi, babe.
He replied right away and a smile grew on my face.
Me: I talked to Julian. I’m going to see my mom. We’ll talk more about it when you get home.
Nicole: I get to spend a weekend with you?
Me: Yes.
Nicole: I’m going to devour you.
Me: Behave! We’ll talk when you get back.
I deleted his messages like I had done every time we texted and slid my phone in my back pocket. I was really doing this. A whole weekend when Nate and I didn’t have to worry about anyone interrupting us.
I kissed Julian good-bye and hopped on a plane to Ft. Lauderdale. My heart raced as I waved to him from the security check-in line. Nate had spent the previous week in Houston and promised me he would meet me at the hotel. My flight from Charlotte was a little over an hour, and once I arrived and checked in at the hotel, I took a cab to my mother’s facility.
My heart broke into a million pieces when I spotted her sitting outside in the picnic area. She was with a few other members, and playing cards were scattered around the small table. I followed the nurse who brought me to them.
“Ms. Hansen, your daughter is here to see you.”
My mother lowered her cards, and a smile broke out on her face. “Oh, my sweet baby girl.” Her hands clapped together.
My eyes swelled with tears, and I dropped down to give her a hug. “Hi, Mom.” When my mother had her stroke, her left side remained paralyzed. She couldn’t walk for long periods without a walker, and she couldn’t raise her arm above her head. There were bigger challenges with getting her the help she needed financially, but she was still here with me.
We made our way to the cafeteria, and she proudly showed me off to some friends along the way. Once we sat at the table, she looked at me, her eyebrows furrowed.
“What’s going on?” she asked. Call it mother’s intuition, but my mother was able to read me like a book. “Something seems different about you. Are you and Julian having issues?”
I chuckled to keep myself from crying. “Everything is fine, Mom.”
“You’re a bad liar.”
“You have enough to deal with.”
“Sweetie, I sleep till ten, I watch TV, play cards with the ladies, try to do some aerobics to help with my arm, and I play bingo once a week.” My mother crossed her arms at the table. “I don’t have anything to deal with. You made sure my life was as peaceful as possible. Now, tell your mother what’s the matter.”
I smiled. “Seriously, Mom. Everything is fine.”
My mother reached out and grasped my hand. “I know you hide things because you think it will hurt me, but I’m your mother. I made you and therefore I know you. And if you don’t want to talk, that’s fine. But if there is one piece of advice I want you to take away, it’s that life is short. Days will turn into months, and months will turn into years. Don’t let years pass you by before you look back and realize you never knew what happiness was. If I could go back and change things, I would kick your father to the curb and focus solely on you.”
I brushed a tear away and leaned forward to kiss my mother on the cheek. “I love you, Mom.”
She held a hand to my face and cupped my cheek. “Whatever is going on, make sure you’re happy. If not, then what’s the point?”
Julian would never be the man who made me truly happy. We were both forced to grow up too quickly, and I believed we both resented one another because of it. But Julian was getting the help he needed, and once I was sure he wouldn’t relapse, I’d ask him for a divorce.