“Are you okay?” Nate asked
I cleared my throat before I answered. “Yes.”
He sat beside me. He didn’t seem to care that the grass would ruin his navy suit. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really.” I shook my head.
“Brielle.” He said my name softly.
“Nathaniel,” I retorted.
We sat in silence for a few minutes.
“You seem different.”
Shaking my head, I disagreed with him. “I'm not different. I'm the same person I've always been.”
“How can you love him?” His voice was low. “How can you love a man who puts his hands on you?”
I bowed my head and closed my eyes. I had so much to say, but it wasn’t the time. That’s how things worked between Nate and me. We were never in the same time zone. “He wasn't always this bad.” My voice was barely a whisper but I knew he heard me. “I fell in love with Julian when he was there to pick up the fragmented parts of my heart that you left behind. You destroyed me.”
Nate hissed under his breath. The truth hurt us both.
“The relationship I have with him is unconventional, and it's not healthy in any sense of the word. But when I needed him the most, when I needed someone to hold me up, someone to anchor me, he was there to pick up the pieces.” I shook my head and looked over at him as anger began to sink in. “So, the way I love him, and the reason I stay, is none of your concern.”
“Brielle . . .” Nate reached out his hand and tried to console me.
“No!” I swatted his hand away and stood. “You don't get to be the hero in my life anymore.” Nate rose and met my stance. Angrily, I wiped the tears from my eyes. I needed to stay mad at him. If not, everything would crumble because I was only holding on by a thin thread.
“I came here because I need help getting your brother the help he needs. I'm not here as your charity case. I don't need you to defend me. So take your pitiful eyes and look at someone else because I'm fine. Julian and I are fine.”
I couldn't let him know the truth. That I was stuck in a loveless marriage. That when I needed him the most, Julian was the one person I could rely on, and that was a debt I could never repay.
That’s why I stayed.
“That’s no way to live,” Nate whispered.
“I stopped living ten years ago.” I moved around him.
Nate’s hand gripped my elbow. “Wait.” He turned me back toward him. His free hand gently ran across my bruised cheek. I looked deep into his eyes and, for the first time in ten years, I let myself feel.
“You’ve never been a charity case.” His voice was low and husky. “You have been, and will always be, the woman I love.”
I shook my head. We were dancing around a line that we were forbidden to cross. “I don’t think your wife would like that very much.” I reminded us both of the parties involved. “I have to get going.” I tugged my arm free.
Without another word, I turned and ran inside the diner to collect my things. My heart raced a million miles a minute, but I couldn’t let my feelings cloud my judgment. Nate was married, he had a family, and I had Julian.
I clocked out an hour early from work. The lunch rush had passed, and there was plenty of staff to cover. Fran understood that Bart’s yelling had taken a toll on me and she allowed me to go home.
Nate's car was nowhere in sight when I walked out of the diner. I didn’t want to go home and see him or Julian, so I took a detour and drove for an hour before I pulled into Norman State Park. Not much had changed since the last time I was there. A few new signs with the park information, the bushes were trimmed, and some trees were bigger than the last time. I parked my car in the usual spot and went to sit by the lake.
The grass was green, the trees were in full bloom, and a breeze blew in off the lake. It was a peaceful afternoon, but my mind ran all over the place. How did I let my life get this crazy? How, after so many years, could I still love Nate?
I was tired of crying. Tired of being the victim. I was exhausted.
Drained.
The person I was ten years ago would look at me and laugh. I always swore I never wanted to be like my mother. That I would let no man control me.
I dug into my purse and pulled out my phone. I needed Yve to make me laugh. The phone rang twice before she answered.
“Good morning, sugar tits.” Her voice echoed through the small speaker on my phone.
I sighed and lay back on the grass. The warm sun made my skin tingle. “Hey, Yve.”
“Aw, shit. What happened?”
“Nothing.” I tried to sound cheerful but failed miserably.
“Brielle, I know when you're full of shit. So, you can tell me what's going on, or I can get on a plane and go kick some major fucking southern ass.”