I was fucked.
I was a horrible person.
I would deal with the consequence of my actions later.
Because I was done.
Completely, utterly, done.
My lips parted slightly and a calming sensation passed through my body as his lips pressed against mine and the world around us seemed to stop. He wrapped his arms around my body and deepened his kiss. His tongue twirled with mine and any fear, guilt, or remorse vanished.
Being in his arms, captured by his kiss, was everything I ever prayed for.
Nate pressed his body to mine and ran his hand up my back until my hair was tangled in his fingers. I whimpered in ecstasy, hoping we never had to stop.
In the back corner of the campus library, I was in heaven.
Until I heard a soft buzzing from my cell phone.
Gasping for air, I pushed on his chest. “I can’t,” I said as I tried to catch my breath. Nate released my body from his grip. “I have to go. I have to meet Julian.”
“Are you going to tell him? Nate asked.
Pressing my fingertips to my eyes, I tried to calm my breathing. “No.” My voice was shaky. I scanned Nate's eyes. “This was a mistake. It was a lack of good judgement.” I closed my eyes and forced the feeling of pure joy out of my system. “It won't happen again, so there’s no need to tell them.”
Nate took a step forward to close the gap between us. His hand reached up to brush back a curl and I swatted his hand away. “Stop!” My hands waved in front of him. “She is my best friend. He is your brother.”
“We can tell them.” He spoke softly. His tongue ran along his lips. “We can tell them the truth.”
“What good will that do?” I felt tears pool in my eyes. “It would hurt him, it would destroy her, and at the end of the day we couldn’t be together.”
“Why not?” He scanned my face for some sort of answer. “God damn it, Brie, why should we deny what we feel for each other because of them?”
My head shook. “It was a physical attraction that led us to do a horrible thing. Nothing more. You’re my ex boyfriend’s brother. My best friend’s ex. Any way you look at it, it's wrong.”
“That's not fair.”
“Life isn't fair.” I brushed back a tear. “Do you really want to hurt your brother that way?” I paused for a second and let my question hang. “Do you really want to destroy the bond you have, because of me? Because honestly, I can't do that to Delaney. She’s like my sister.”
Nate bowed his head and exhaled. “You're right.” When he looked up at me again, his eyes were different. Something about them caused a chill to run up my spine. “I'm sorry,” he muttered but I didn’t believe him.
I bit the inside of my lip, refusing to let another tear fall. This was the closure I needed. In a few weeks, any feeling I had toward him would have passed. Forcing a smile to my face, I grabbed my bag. “Bye,” I whispered. I didn’t wait for him to respond as I walked toward the stairs.
I found myself in the women’s bathroom a few minutes later. Splashing cool water on my face, I attempted to compose myself. I studied my reflection in the mirror and swallowed back the pent up emotion that had lodged itself in my throat. “You will not cry,” I whispered to myself. “You can’t be with him.” I repeated it a few dozen times.
Inhaling, I straightened, held my shoulders back, and left the bathroom to meet Julian.
The heavy ceramic mug filled with caffeine and creamy goodness warmed my hands. I probably should have ordered a decaf coffee since I couldn’t stop my feet from bouncing, but my problem wasn’t the caffeine; it was the thought of meeting Julian. The last time I saw him, we left our friendship up in the air. His conduct and mannerisms made me question him as my friend.
The bells tied to the entry door jingled and in he walked. His winter hat covered his head and when he noticed me, a wide smile brightened his face. I stood to meet him.
“Hi,” he said when he walked over. He embraced me in his arms.
“Hi.” I wrapped my arms around his neck in a hug.
Julian held me a few long seconds before he let me go. “Have you been waiting long?” He looked down at his watch. “I thought you said three?”
I shook my head. “I just got here.”
A barista walked over with a notepad in hand and turned to Julian. “Can I get you something to drink?” she asked sweetly.
“White cinnamon sage tea, please.”
Sitting across from him, we waited in silence until the barista returned with his cup of hot water and paper wrapped tea bag. He opened it and dropped it in his cup to steep.
I lifted my eyes from his mug to his face. “How’ve you been?”