Never once had I felt that way with Julian. Never once was his hug so intoxicating it left me dizzy.
But I pushed those thoughts out of my head as I followed behind Nate.
We drove back to the house in silence.
Nate parked in the driveway and jumped out before I could even unbuckle my seatbelt.
“Wait!” I shouted and he looked over at me with his hand on the door. I kicked the door open and stood. Removing his jacket, I handed it over to him. “Thank you.”
A small grin grew on his face as he took the jacket from my hand. He bowed his head and walked toward the house without a single word.
Louisa, Del and I had finished in the kitchen and no one mentioned that Nate and I had disappeared. After dinner, we found our way to the basement where the TV played in the background and Nate and Julian reminisced about the times they snuck out of the house. Delaney sat on Nate’s lap and listened to every word. I, on the other hand, felt exhausted. My body ached and it felt impossible to keep my eyes open.
“Babe.” Julian leaned into me and kissed my cheek. “Are you okay?”
I shook my head slightly. “I think I’m just tired. It was a long day.”
Julian ran his hand up my leg to comfort me. “Do you want to call it a night?” I knew from the tone of his voice he wasn’t ready for bed.
“I’m going to lie down.” I pushed off the couch. Julian moved to stand and I stopped him. “Stay.” I leaned down and kissed his lips softly. “I’m okay. Come to bed when you’re done here. Please don’t rush because of me, okay?” I gave him a reassuring smile.
Julian pulled my hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. “Babe, I can go with you.”
“It’s okay, really. My head is starting to hurt.”
I wished everyone a good night and made my way up to Julian's bedroom. The exhaustion I felt in the basement seemed to disappear once I rested my head on the pillow. I closed my eyes and hoped sleep would come, but it never did. Instead, I stared at the clock on the night stand, tucking my hands under my chin and watching the minutes pass.
Twenty minutes later there was a soft tap on the door before it pushed opened slightly. Nate’s kind eyes greeted me. “Hi,” he whispered. “Did I wake you?” He walked further into the room.
“No.” I shook my head and sat up on the bed.
“You okay?” he asked as he sat on the edge of the bed. Unable to speak, I nodded. “I was worried it was something I did that had you wanting to go to sleep.”
I felt a smile tug on my lips. “No. I feel run down, that’s all.”
Nate’s gaze dropped and his hand reached for mine. He ran his thumb across my knuckles. “Do you feel that?” he muttered. I swallowed and an ache grew in my chest. “You do, don’t you?”
I lowered my chin to my chest, unable to answer him. It was as though he was stoking a fire. A fire I so desperately wanted to put out. “Nate . . .” I closed my eyes.
“What is it about you that has me like this?” He asked the question out loud but I knew he didn’t expect an answer. His hand moved up my arm and he twirled his fingers around a loose curl.
My heart felt as though it would explode in my chest at any second. “What are we doing? I’m here with Julian. I’m in his bed.”
“I’m being your friend, Brie. Can we be friends?”
We both knew that friends didn’t hug the way we hugged, nor did friends have an electrical current running through them when they touched. We couldn’t be friends. We should have been enemies. It would have been easier to hate him than to not fall in love with him.
But we lied.
“Yes.” I sighed. “We can be friends.”
Nate reached for my cheek. His hands were warm and rough around the edges. I wanted them on my body.
This was wrong.
This was insane.
But I didn’t stop him.
I closed my eyes, not wanting to know what was coming next. “Goodnight, Brie,” he said in a hushed tone. I felt his lips on my forehead. How could a gesture so simple have such a powerful effect?
“’Night,” I whispered.
He pulled his hand away from my cheek slowly and stood. I kept my eyes closed until I heard the door close behind him.
I was fucked.
What the hell was I going to do with the pent up emotions in my chest?
I dropped my head back to the pillow, the skin on my forehead still tingled from where his lips had touched it.
I closed my eyes again. In my head, I lived in a different universe where Nate and I were together. When I heard the door open again I didn’t move. I knew it was Julian coming to bed. I faked that I was asleep. He shut the light off and I felt him crawl under the covers. He kissed the side of my head and wished me goodnight. I kept the vision of Nate with me in my head until sleep eventually found me.