I need to leave. I need to get out of here. But my own demons keep me here.
I keep my eyes closed as he undresses. The endless possibilities of where he has been begin to haunt me. When the shower turns on I go after him. I can't keep living like this.
I kick the door open and my gaze lands on his. I gasp. Not because he is standing over the sink regarding me like a trespasser, but because of the scratches on his back. I know those types of marks. They’re the ones you make on a man to let his wife know she's not the only woman he fucks.
My vision blurs. “You bastard.” The words slip out of my mouth. “Who is she?” My voice is hoarse.
Julian turns to face me. He’s naked and the sight of him makes my stomach turn. “It's not what you think.”
“I don't deserve this, you selfish prick! You’re a worthless excuse of a man!”
Julian's raises his hand. With one swift motion it collides with my face and tosses my head to the side. My cheek burns, and for a second I can't see.
“I’ve told you not to ask me anything. The job I have. The things I do, I do them for you.”
Exhausted and emotionally drained, I trudge back to my bed. Minutes pass before the comforter on the bed is pulled back. I hold my breath. I can’t stay here. I refuse to live like this anymore. I don’t want to leave my home, but if Julian is ever to change, I need to face my fears.
I need to see Nathaniel.
The following morning, the sun peers through the window and warms my skin. I squint and notice that my bed is empty. Of course he’s gone. Wiping the sleep off my face, I look at the wall. It is no longer blank and empty, but vibrant red. I shake my head and immediately regret it as a piercing headache blurs my vision. Why did I think alcohol would help?
My body aches as I roll out of bed and spot Julian’s clothes from last night piled on the floor. My stomach turns as I’m reminded of his scent. Dashing to the bathroom, I wash my face and pop two Advil into my mouth to soothe my headache.
I emerge from the bathroom dragging my feet, and stop at the wall. This is the moment of clarity. No. I shake my head in disbelief. I can’t—no, I refuse—to live like this.
For ten years I’ve avoided my past. For ten years I’ve given Julian my all. But enough is enough. I’m going back. Though it will kill me and open wounds that have never fully healed, Nate is the only one he will listen to.
I inhale all the air my lungs will take. With my head high and my shoulders back, I march into my closet and pull out my suitcase.
Chapter 2
Brielle
11 years ago.
I felt as if I had run a marathon. No, an Iron Man. Those were more excruciating. I was exhausted but my roommate, Delaney, insisted we unpack and put away all our stuff before class started. She also convinced me to move into the dorm a week earlier than she needed to. Her classes didn’t start until the following Monday, so there was no need for her to move in right away. My classes started Day One of the semester, so I’d planned to drive back to campus, leave my crap in boxes, sleep in, and order out.
She was a pain in my ass but I loved her like my sister.
Delaney had been my roommate for the past three years and was a complete neat freak. Which was probably why we got along. I, myself, had a few OCD tendencies but neatness was not one of them.
The alarm on my phone began to ring and I wished I had twenty more minutes, or a few hours. I inhaled as I willed my body to wake up.
“For the love of God.” Delaney’s groggy voice lets me know she was as tired as I was.
“Sorry, Del.” I hit the off button on the alarm and stretched my hands over my body. “You’re the one who wanted to move in yesterday,” I reminded her.
“You’re the only person I know who likes morning classes,” Delaney complained as she pulled the covers to her chin.
I sat up, wiping the sleep from my eyes. “It’s the only time Professor Comeau teaches it.”
I heard her breathing slow and I knew she had fallen back asleep. I tiptoed to the dresser and pulled out my clothes before heading to the communal bathroom. It was really early for class, but that meant the showers were empty and I was able to stay under the hot water for a few extra minutes.
Once I was dressed, I headed back to my room to drop off my bathroom caddy, double check which side of campus we were meeting on for class, and grab my bag. To my surprise, there was a new email from my mother. Not only was it too early for class but it was definitely too early to read what my mother had to say. She only emailed me with bad news. I moved the mouse past her email and clicked on the one from Professor Comeau that stated our meet location had changed to the Bissell House.