Ben is quiet for the longest time.
River's mouth tightens and he tries to grab the phone from me, but I turn away.
"Ben, tell me what's wrong."
River reaches to turn the light on and wraps a blanket around me.
"Dahl, she's in the hospital."
My eyes fill with tears. "Hospital? What happened?"
"It's bad, Dahl. I'd rather tell you when you get here."
Seeing my pain, River senses the urgency. He stands up and pulls his boxers and jeans on.
"No, tell me now."
"We rushed her to the ER last night. She had a massive stroke."
"A stroke? What does 'massive' mean?" I am trembling as I reel from the news and try to understand what it means.
River is on the hotel phone calling the valet.
Ben is crying. "She's unresponsive. Her brain is hemorrhaging. I think you should come now."
"She's going to be alright, isn't she?"
"Just come now. We're at Mission," he says and then hangs up.
I can feel my face go slack, my mouth dropping open slightly, and all I can do is stare wide-eyed at River. He's looking over at me with concern. I open my mouth to speak, to reassure him, but snap it shut and gulp. Finally I manage, in a raspy, barely audible tone, "We have to get to the hospital in Laguna as soon as possible. It's Grace."
He squeezes me against his chest and I allow myself a minute to lean into him. His fingers find my chin and lift it up. "I'll be with you every minute. Okay?"
I nod. I blink. I've been broken and glued back together so many times already-not again. Please not again. I rest my face against his chest and cry out, "Please let Grace be alright."
***
Sirens wailing, lights cycling red, an ambulance pulls into the entrance where the bright blue letters read "Emergency Room." River follows the signs to visitor parking and we enter the dark underground garage. I stare silently ahead as he squeezes my hand and we head into the hospital; I'm suddenly petrified of what's going to happen. The sliding doors open and shut as we enter. Stopping at the information desk, River gives Grace's name. After a few clicks of her keyboard, the woman directs us to an area called Comfort Care and I'm not sure whether that is good or bad. I flinch as we walk through the hall and hear a snapping noise. Someone is raising a gurney and for some reason the noise is more than I can take right now.
Every step brings me closer to Grace. I look around as we walk and think how hospitals are strange places. People are always whispering everywhere. Why? Are they afraid that speaking out loud makes everything more real? I look into each room as we pass them; families sit with their loved ones, some old, some young, some looking well, and some looking very sick.
We cautiously approach the ICU and Serena is talking to one of the doctors who has a chart in his hand. He looks down at the papers and she nods her head, her face expressionless and unreadable.
River stops at the waiting area, but I keep walking. He squeezes my hand. I know he's here for me, but I have to go see Grace. I'm scared of what I will find but I know I have to do this. I turn to look at him and he nods.
I travel what seems like miles and when the doctor goes in the room, Serena turns and sees me. "Dahlia," she cries, her eyes filling with tears. I look into the room and see Ben by the side of the bed and start to walk in. Serena grabs my arm and Ben's position is preventing me from getting a clear view.
"Serena, I want to see her. How is she?"
I look at her face, and I know it's bad. "Let's go over here and talk," she manages, taking deep breaths in between her words. She walks us back to where River is standing and motions us both to sit down. She sits next to me and grabs my hand. River holds the other.
Taking another deep breath she says, "They just did a CT scan and the swelling has moved to the other side of the brain."
I blurt out, "It will go down, right?"
She squeezes my hand even tighter, "No, Dahlia. There's nothing they can do. It's just a matter of time before her heart or lungs give out."
I shake my head. "But we're in a hospital. Of course there is something they can do."
"They're giving her morphine to ease any suffering and she's on oxygen to help with her breathing, but, Dahlia, she has no brain activity. She's already gone."
"No, Serena. I don't believe it." I can't accept what she's telling me, but I pull her to me and hug her as tight as I can. My heart shatters, but I struggle to pull myself together. Grace is Serena's mother and I know what it is like to lose your mother. I blink back my tears, trying to be strong for her.