River tells me, "Once I read the note you left me, I knew I had nothing to worry about, no reason to be jealous."
He believes me and I believe him; we both trust each other because, after all, isn't that what love is-knowing someone can crush you, but believing they never will, trusting them not to?
We talk about everything else that has happened between us over the last few weeks-our urgent sex needs, his tantrums, my running away, my avoidance, and his need to protect me. These are talks from the heart and they open up many old wounds for both of us, but it is okay. We even discuss his fervent need to protect the women he loves. He has a hard time explaining it, but I get it. I think it stems back to his father's selfishness. In the end we both decide we will work toward communicating better.
We also talk about the tour. He doesn't want that life and I respect him for knowing when too much is just too much. He tells me Xander, Nix, and even Garrett aren't talking to him right now. He makes a joke that he's glad his mother is out of town or he's sure she would have organized a sit-down. We both laugh at the thought, but we're also laughing because the seriousness of this rift among the band is more than we can bear.
Finally, we talk about what happened the last two nights, and how that couldn't happen again. We both agreed. I regretted that I didn't go home and stayed the night here alone the same way he had the night he stormed out. He knew why I went to a hotel, but I needed to know why he didn't come home. He explained that he went to Smitten's and was pretty drunk by the time Xander, Nix, and Garrett found him there. They all went back to Garrett's house and spent the night arguing. Xander and Nix walked out and then Garrett and him drank until they both passed out. When he woke up Garrett took him back to get his car and then he came home, but by that time I was gone. All that was left was my note. He told me after he read my note he, too, found the strength to look past the chaos. So much had happened in such a short period of time and we just weren't prepared for it. Neither one of us ever doubted the true strength of our relationship, but we doubted each other's investment in it and that was the scariest part.
After baring our souls to each other we lie together, embracing as if we are one. We know our love is strong; we have withstood what we hope to be one of the biggest issues we will ever have to face-Ben's return. I know we are much stronger because of it.
Once the hard conversations are over we enjoy the peacefulness of just being alone together. I'm lying on my side, mindlessly twirling one of my diamond stud earrings and he's watching me intently.
"Did I ever tell you my parents had a thing for birthdays?"
He smirks. "Most parents do, Dahlia."
"No, I mean really. They had an obsession. They would start asking me what I wanted for my birthday months ahead of time. For my twelfth birthday I told them I wanted a carousel. Now I meant a musical one, but they rented out the merry-go-round at Griffith Park for an entire Saturday afternoon. It was amazing."
With a wicked grin he slides his fingers down my bare stomach. "I could rent it out for your next birthday and we could have some fun if you're still into merry-go-rounds, that is?"
"Hey." I feign offense. "What can I say?-I was twelve and liked riding the ponies!"
He laughs so hard he's almost crying. "You walked right into that one."
Laughing along with him I say, "Yeah, I did."
Holding his stomach, he takes a deep breath and manages, "Okay, tell me about another outrageous birthday present."
"See these?" I say, pointing to my earrings. "Well, for my thirteenth birthday I told my parents I wanted something that sparkled like Ariel's mermaid tale. And these are what I got."
He kisses my forehead. "They're beautiful. And Dahlia, I can understand why your parents wanted to always make you happy. They loved you."
Then, as if deep in thought, he starts caressing my back and humming the "Happy Birthday" song. I suddenly have a strong desire to hear him play. It's been so long since we've shared that intimacy and I'm craving it. "River, can I ask you to do something?"
He leans over and kisses me then he whispers in my ear, "Sure. Are you ready for dessert?"
I almost forgot what I wanted to ask him when his lips meet mine again, but I quickly remember. "Well, of course, but first will you play 'Never in Pieces' for me?"
He props up his elbows. "Now?" he says as he leans back down and resumes kissing me, this time trailing feather-soft kisses up my neck.