She turns to completely face me and places both of her feet firmly on the ground. Her face crumples. "I met Ben one night at the beginning of school at a frat party. We talked, but he ignored my advances and then disappeared. But that didn't sway me. I was determined-I had this strange feeling that even though he said no, he meant yes. I was a little self-absorbed back then. One night at an after – rush party for Kappa Sigma, I was assigned as Ben's little sister. Well, I begged the committee to be his little sister. That night, I took care of keeping the alcohol flowing for him and the new prospective pledges he was overseeing. We were all pretty drunk by the time he sent the pledges on a scavenger hunt to find a pair of pink lace panties." She pauses as if stopping again to assess my reaction.
I have none. I am weighing the cold bare facts of what she's saying and know what's coming. She adjusts her ponytail and I try to calm my stomach. It feels like it's leapt up into my throat. I'm feeling anxious and just want her to get it out.
"Please remember I was young and immature, and I'm not proud of how I acted," she says and once again all I can do is nod. "Once the pledges went off on their hunt, I came on to him again. And just like all the other times, he refused. I promise he did. But then I followed him into the bathroom and made sure he couldn't resist anymore. I locked the door, pulled my shirt off, and unzipped my skirt, letting it fall to the ground before asking him if black lace would do."
I put my hand up in a stopping motion. I don't need to know anymore. I got it.
"Dahlia, it was all me-honestly, it was."
All me? What does that mean? He was in a relationship. He should have been able to walk away. God, he did actually cheat on me. Was he always a cheater?
My voice flat, emotionless, I ask, "Was it more than just the one time?"
I wait for her to meet my gaze. Not that it should matter, but for some reason it does. Did Ben have an ongoing affair and I never knew?
She nervously tugs on her bottom lip and shakes her head no. She puts her hands in the pockets of her sweatshirt. It doesn't really matter anyway. He still cheated. I start to feel dizzy.
With guilt evident in her voice she says, "Dahlia, I'm so sorry."
"Bell, what did you mean by 'baby'?" I manage to get out.
Her eyes fill with tears. "I got pregnant."
I swallow. "You have a child together?"
"No Dahlia, we don't. I gave the baby up for adoption after it was born."
Freezing, I gasp. I can tell my eyes widen in disbelief at the magnitude of her words. Time stands still. Bell doesn't say another word, as if letting the shock wear off.
Finally, I manage to mutter, "Did Ben know?" I brace myself for the answer.
She pauses and with a sad expression says, "No, he never knew. I never told him. We were supposed to meet the night I got in the accident; I was going to tell him then. But after the accident, it took months for me to recover. Once I did, I tried to contact him, but he never returned my calls."
"Does your family know?"
She's crying now as she tells me, "Yes, they all knew, but I made them promise to never say anything to anyone. I told them I was pregnant after the accident. Xander and River demanded to know who the father was. I knew it was Ben because I hadn't slept with anyone since I had slept with him. I was still hoping he wanted more. They sought him out, wanted to know who he was, I think they even stalked him at some of the frat parties. But Mom demanded they leave him alone. In the end, when I decided to give the baby away, they were nothing but supportive. Honestly, without my family to help me through it, I don't know what I would have done."
And with those words it all falls into place-Xander's anger at me the night we met and River's reluctance to tell me anything.
I frantically search for something to say, but I have no words.
"Bell, I have to leave." Then I somehow manage to get on my feet and dash toward the door. I know I'm going to throw up and hope I make it outside first.
Brigitte is in the kitchen as I hurry through and says, "Dahlia, I just made coffee for you and the missy."
I don't answer her; I can't. Shock and anger pulse through me. Ben cheated on me. I always trusted him and believed him. He's nothing but a fucking liar!
Chapter 22
Six Degrees of Separation
Almost two hours later, I find myself heading north on the 101 and have no idea where I'm going or how I got here. All I know is that when the shock and anger consumed me, I had to get away. But now the numbness subsides, and pain takes over.