I want to say I bet she was, but I know this is not the time for jealously. Right now he needs me. I lean down next to him and stroke his cheek with my thumb. "River, why are you doing this now?"
He squeezes his eyes shut for a few seconds. "I just can't do it. I never wanted it to begin with and now with everything else going on, my heart just isn't in it."
"River, you cannot quit because of us."
"That's just it, Dahlia. It's not because of you or us; it's because of me. You know I never wanted this. It won't be good for me and it won't be good for the band if I go through with it."
He pulls me closer and our mouths collide. His tongue lightly probes mine, and I realize I have missed his lips. I have missed him. He pulls me on top of him and his hands slide down to my backside, pushing me into him. I get caught up in the moment, and then suddenly remember we still need to talk about yesterday.
I murmur against his lips. "River, we need to talk."
He breathes back, "I need you right now."
"I need you, too, but I meant what I said yesterday-we can't keep trying to solve our issues with sex."
Pulling back, he looks at me. I move to sit beside him and he sits up, too. Sighing, he tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. "I know we do, beautiful."
All I want to do is grab handfuls of his messy hair and pull him back to me. When I look into his eyes, I see the same look I saw when I walked in the door: guilt.
"River, we have so much we need to talk about."
He nods his head and looks resigned to the discussion. I notice his hands start to twitch when he says, "Dahlia, there are just some things that are harder to talk about than others."
"I know. But we need to have these difficult discussions."
"You have to know, I just never wanted to have to say anything that might hurt you . . ."
When the house phone rings, I jump. I reach to answer it, but he stops me. "Let it ring."
"It might be about Trent," I tell him and grab the receiver. "Hello," I answer.
"Let me talk to River," Xander demands.
I cover the receiver and mouth, "It's Xander, and he wants to talk to you."
He exhales a heavy breath and takes the receiver. "What?" He's quiet for a few seconds and then frowns. "I don't want to talk about it now." Then he turns the phone off and tosses it to the floor. "What's going on with Trent?"
"He called me crying this morning. He sounded scared and alone. He said he needed me to come get him in Newport. I tried to wake you up to tell you."
He studies me. "You lost me. What was he doing in Newport and why did you have to go get him?"
"River, he's an addict."
"How do you know that?"
I know he's not going to like this. "When I got to Newport, Ben was already there. He needed help to take Trent back to the house."
His mouth sets in a firm line and his eyes narrow. "What house, Dahlia?"
"My house in Laguna."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" he says as he stands up. "You spent the day with him and you're worried about what Ellie was doing here?"
"It's not the same and you know it."
He heads for the door and just before he leaves the room he says, "You got that right!"
I follow him out into the living room. "River, we need to talk about this reasonably."
River's eyes snap to me. "Whose clothes are you wearing?"
There's a hard knock and the front door swings open. Xander stands there scowling.
River ignores him. Pain contorts his features. "I asked whose clothes you're wearing?"
"It was raining and I was wet so I had to change."
Xander isn't going to be ignored. He walks right over to River and says, "I want to talk to you now!"
"Fuck off, Xander." River's voice is low and filled with fury. I don't think he's even trying to control himself as his hands clench into fists.
I flinch when Xander grabs River by the shirt and gets right in his face. "Listen to me. I said I want to talk to you and it isn't a choice," he seethes.
River shoves him away and looks back at me. "You're wearing his clothes! Did you let him fuck you?"
"Hey bro, calm down," Xander says.
I gasp in shock that he would say something like that. My voice breaks but I manage, "River, no, of course not. You know there's nothing going on between Ben and me. Let's just sit down and talk about this." I tell him this suppressing my own temper-trying to remain calm and pretending Xander isn't really here listening to all of this.