I take a deep breath and answer his question honestly, knowing this is going to hurt him. "Yes, I'm happy. Really happy."
He grabs for me again, this time pulling me to his lap. "Give us a chance. Give me another chance. I need you."
At this point I'm staring at him openmouthed, then I jump up and shake my head back and forth. "Ben don't do this. I just told you how I feel."
"Come on, Dahl, it's just the two of us here. Be honest. This is about us."
My eyes narrow on him. "'About us'? What do you mean 'us'?"
"Fuck, Dahl, you know what I mean. We can start over right now. You could be happy with me, too."
I look at him, he's the same man he always was, and even though I know I no longer feel for him what I once did, making him understand that is difficult. But my expression must be enough of a reply because he gets up and crosses the room to look out the window.
Knowing that the difficult part is over, I address something that's been on my mind. "Ben, can I ask you to do something for me?"
Turning around, he grins. "Sure, you know I'm always up for anything."
I have to fight the urge to roll my eyes. "Can you please stop antagonizing River every time you see him? I really don't appreciate you bringing up our past to my fiancé. It's just not appropriate."
A pained expression crosses his face. "That's one thing I'm really not up for."
I sigh, disappointed that Ben hasn't changed a bit. Completely exasperated, I start toward the door, knowing it's time for me to leave.
"Wait. Can I ask you something now?"
When I turn back, it's with a forced smile. "Sure."
He stands up straighter. Subtle, but still noticeable. "When did you meet him?"
"Why do you keep asking me that?"
"Can you just answer my question?"
My voice comes out low. "I met River one night while we were in college and we talked, but that was it. It wasn't until last year that I saw him again. Aerie sent me to do an interview."
I glimpse disappointment on his face. "Makes sense," is all he says and I don't ask why. Feeling uncomfortable with this discussion, I look out the window and see that it's starting to get dark. "Shit, what time is it?"
He looks at his watch. "It's six. Why?-do you have a curfew?"
Deciding it's best to ignore his sarcasm, I just say, "I need to leave. Are you going to be okay here with Trent?"
"Yeah Dahl, I think I can handle it."
"You're going to call Serena tonight? Right?"
"Look, I told you, I'm not calling her until the drugs are out of his system."
"You can't keep this from her. She's his mother. She has a right to know. She'll be worried sick."
He cocks his hip as he leans against the doorway. "When the fever and chills set in; it will be the toughest part." Then he braces his one hand up high on the frame. "Dahl, telling the truth is not always black and white. Sometimes it's best to stay in the gray so you don't hurt the people you love. Telling her now, bringing her here, would only cause her pain. I don't want her to suffer. So why would I do that?"
What he said makes sense and I almost have to agree with him. I don't want Serena to see Trent like this, but I can't justify not telling her, either. "You have a good point but I still think she should know."
He sighs and moves toward me, stepping into me. "I don't doubt that's how you feel. It's just everyone handles things in different ways. You're an idealist. I'm a realist. Neither is right or wrong."
In the past I'd have smiled and complimented him on his keen observation. Now though, it doesn't seem right so I simply nod and move away. "I'm leaving now. Call me if Trent needs anything."
With a smirk, he asks, "What if I need something?"
I grab my wet clothes and reach for the knob.
He steps around me and blocks my way. "Please, don't go."
I look at him. "Ben, please move. I really do have to go home now."
He stands unmoving. His brow creases and he drops his head. He runs his hand through his hair and then moves to the side.
I step forward to the door and yank it open, hurriedly leaving.
Walking to the car, I think about what Ben said-life isn't just black and white. With that in mind, I am going to give River the benefit of the doubt. I really want things between us to get back to normal because if they don't-I'm not sure we will make it. I hope our time apart has helped his anger because I really want to sit down with him and have a real conversation. To be honest, I just don't think anything good ever comes from heated confrontations. My parents used to have many violent disagreements, and I never wanted that kind of relationship for myself.