Torn (Connections #2)(56)
He falls to my side and pulls me close. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
We lay here for a few minutes, both quiet, both clinging to each other with a desperation we haven't had before and it scares me. Have recent events taken a deeper toll than either of us is willing to admit? Laying here in this dark room, hearing his ragged breathing, I can't help but think back on our intense sexual encounters the past few days. Is this aggressive need for each other our way of trying to tear down the wall between us?
Chapter 15
Love Remains the Same
Ben's Journal
I've been busy moving and trying to get my girl back. I moved the boxes from Mom's attic to my and Dahl's house. I started to unpack them yesterday, but when I found a bin full of broken pictures of Dahlia and me, I had to stop. I thought going for a run and then working out would completely exhaust me. But when I woke up in the middle of the night with a raging hard-on from a dream about her, I wasn't sure working out was the best choice. The dream was so real, but unlike anything I had ever experienced with her. It took me taking my dick in my own hand right then and there and getting one in in the shower this morning to finish myself off from that dream.
Since I've gotten back I've done everything to get Dahl alone. When I saw her on the beach I didn't go for it. I wanted to play it straight and tell her everything. I wanted for her to come back to me because she got it. Well that didn't fucking work. Since then I've called her and left messages just asking her to meet me or telling her I love her. Not much, just simple short messages to get my point across. She hasn't called me back. I've even gone as far as leaving another note on her car. How fucked up is that? I had to track her down to do it and it didn't even work. So next time I see her, I need to get her alone and forget about all the words. I need to make her remember what we had-the love we shared, the sex-if I do, it will come back to her then, and she'll come back to me. She just has to let her guard down and really let me touch her. I only want her back.
I talked Caleb into going out for a drink tomorrow night. Like a needy chick I had to ask him to pick me up, but I'll be getting my car back tomorrow night so that shit will stop. Serena took the car from Trent indefinitely. I'll give it to him when he's ready and get a new one, but for now it's best for all of us if he doesn't have it. He's in bad shape and doesn't need to be driving. I've spent as much time with him as he'll stick around for, but that's not much. I tried to talk him into going surfing with me over the weekend, but he said no. He's going to stay with his dad for a few nights.
I need to get out anyway. I'm going stir-crazy. I've thought about calling Kimberly, but I don't want to hurt her. Soon I need to come clean to her and explain everything, but I can't face that just yet.
Chapter 16
Never Say Never
As I stand here fastening the bow around my waist, I can't help but think how similar the past few days appear to all the ones that preceded them-and yet there's something fundamentally different. River has had to meet with Ellie every day and I've been trying to work, too, but I've passed most of the jobs that have come my way on to someone else. I'm just not up to styling and photographing upcoming album releases. When River comes home his stress level is always off the charts. We haven't talked much about anything important. Instead we've spent our time playing board games or in bed.
I haven't told him about what happened with Grace. She's tried to contact me every day but I've avoided her calls as well as Serena's. Ben has been calling, too. He keeps leaving short messages asking me to call him, to meet him, begging me to give him a chance. After the fifth one I stopped listening and now just delete them. Yesterday, when I met Aerie in Laguna to shop for River's surprise party, he even left another note on my car. The stress of avoiding everyone and not telling River everything is really starting to get to me, so planning his birthday present with Bell's help has been a welcome distraction.
I check out my reflection in the mirror, everything seems to be in place. I'm a little nervous about the present; I've never done anything like this before. Bell threw the idea out there and then actually helped me pick out the entire ensemble. She told me the key to doing a striptease was to select the last thing that comes off, first. So once I selected that, I chose a very sexy black bra, matching thong, and thigh-high stockings with garters. Bell wanted me to use the stay-up hose. But I remember how much River liked garters the last time I wore them, when we first reconnected in Vegas. My top layer was an easy choice: a very sheer short black dress with ankle-strap stilettos. God, I hope I don't fall over in them.