Torn (Connections #2)(41)

I'm surprised he uses the term meet up, but I guess he doesn't want Charlotte yelling at him for swearing at the table.

Bell pouts her lips. "Shut up, Xander, you're just jealous because I actually have friends."

"Sure, friends Bell, that's what they are."

I really have to stifle my laughter when Bell sticks her tongue out at him. But I'm quickly reminded of River's despondency when he doesn't join in their banter like he usually does.

Charlotte clears her throat. "That's enough." It's all she has to say and the conversation comes to an end.

We spend the rest of the night talking music, and, whenever the Wilde Ones' tour is mentioned, River withdraws into himself even more. I can see Charlotte notice and I'm surprised she doesn't say anything.

Once we've all helped clean up, River turns to me. "You ready to go?"

I nod my head and we say our goodbyes. Xander is right behind us as we leave and Bell has already run up to her room to get ready for a date with another "boyfriend."

Once River closes my door, I hear Xander call him over. I watch the two brothers and they appear to be arguing. I'm not sure what's driving River's moodiness-reluctance over the impending tour, Ben's return, or just simply exhaustion. I am determined that tonight we will finally sit down to talk and we can work through everything together.



       
         
       
        





Chapter 11

High for This




When we finally pull in the driveway it's after eleven and I'm so tired. We hardly talked on the short drive home-the only conversation we had was when I asked him why his family reacted strangely to Damon Wolf's name and River told me Xander dated Ivy years ago. I didn't ask any more questions because he seemed to close the door to that conversation quickly with his abrupt answer. He opens my door and quickly leads me to the stairs. I know it's now or never, so I tug his hand in the opposite direction.

"What?" he asks.

"Let's go sit outside, I think we should talk."

Jaw clenched, he says, "You sure you want to do this now?"

Staring at him, I sigh, "River . . . I think we've avoided too many conversations in the last few days. So, yeah, I think we should do this now." I know it probably isn't the perfect time, especially since he just told me about his father, but even at dinner I could feel the strain between us and I don't want it to continue. We can talk about anything and everything-so why can't we talk about Ben?

He nods his head and leads me out the door to the lower pool deck. He pulls another chair over to where he sat last night and tries to avoid knocking over the beer bottles still there. We sit in silence for a long while, both of us facing the pool and the Hollywood sign. When I kick my shoes off, he does the same and catches my eye. I can see he's unsure about how to proceed, so I just start the conversation by blurting out what's on my mind. "We talked a little bit last night about this, and even though Grace asked you not to tell me who attacked me, I wish you did. It's not that I don't get why you didn't-I just don't like you keeping things from me. Actually, I really, really dislike it."

He leans over with his head down and his hands behind his neck. When he looks up at me his eyes seem clouded with indecision. "Dahlia, it's not just about keeping things from you. It's more complicated than that."

Starting to get angry, I try to control myself. "What do you mean? In what way? What's complicated about not keeping things from me?"

He closes his eyes. "I didn't see it as keeping anything from you. I intended to tell you. Just not right away. You don't understand how I felt."

Through clenched teeth, I respond, "What do you mean how you felt? You haven't told me how you felt or anything else so how about you start with that?"

He cringes and sits back up. "Grace's phone call that morning was a shock. I was never expecting that. But the guilt I felt for not going running with you, the sick feeling I got when they wouldn't let me see you in the hospital, and then the regret that overwhelmed me when I finally saw you and you were lying there in the hospital bed, it was all just too much. The last thing I wanted to do was explain who had done that to you. I knew all it would do was open an old wound and cause you more pain and you were hurt enough." 

My anger fades in the face of his loving confession. He was trying to protect me in the only way he knew how, and, after hearing about his father, I understand his actions so much better. He's rubbing his palms over his jeans with his eyes focused on me. I have to let him know I get it, that I understand. So I scoot my chair as close to his as I can and taking his hand in mine, I kiss it, then place it over my heart. No words can express my feelings right now. My head drops as I think about the amount of love I have for this man. And for me to be so upset over him not telling me, when he thought it was the right thing to do, it doesn't seem right anymore. I don't want to argue with him or cause him pain so I have to let this go.