My heart breaks a little more with every word he says and I comfort him in the best way I can. "Well your mom loved him, she wanted to be supportive and didn't want to hurt him. That's understandable."
"Dahlia, that's just it. That's the ironic part, he was hurting all of us and Xander was the only one who saw it. My dad didn't live in the real world and my mom didn't make him. He lived in his dream world, a world where he was a star and he had started drinking to forget the reality of his situation. His drinking had gotten so bad that once my mom went back to work, Xander and I would try to sober him up before she got home. One day we came home after school and found him drunk and in bed with another woman. We cleaned him up and got the woman out of the house before our mom came home. My mom loved him and that would have killed her. He always said how much he loved her, too. But that was a funny way of showing it. Xander hated him after that. I loved him, I hated him, but most of all I pitied him."
I caress River's cheek and push down my sadness. "What you felt was only natural. You love your mother and didn't want to see her hurt." Not sure I want to hear the answer, but knowing I have to ask the question, I whisper, "What happened to him?"
Framing my face with his gentle hands, he looks deeply into my eyes. "Promise me that after I tell you, we never have to talk about it again.
"River, I promise," I tell him, turning my head to kiss his hand.
My heart sinks as I prepare to listen to the rest of his story. His eyes sadden and his voice cracks as he tells it. "One day, Xander and I came home from basketball practice and dad was completely tanked. He had picked Bell up from school instead of having her go to her after-school program because he thought she needed more practice on the guitar. As soon as we walked in we could hear him. He was yelling at her, telling her she wasn't playing the right chords and to do it again. She was crying and her fingers were bleeding, actually bleeding. As soon as Xander saw that, he lost it. He attacked my dad, punching him over and over and my dad didn't return a single one, but Xander didn't stop. He yelled for me to get Bell out of there and I did. I brought her to the neighbors, called my grandpa, and by the time I went back, my dad was dead."
There is so much pain in his voice already I don't want to ask him to continue. Tears roll down my cheeks and my pulse is racing, but I know he wants to tell me the rest, I can see it in his eyes. So taking a deep breath, I take both his hands in mine and urge him to go on. "What happened?"
His voice hitches and he tells me something he has never openly talked about with anyone. "My mom had come home just after I left and pulled Xander off him. My dad told her what happened and she told him he had to leave, to get out. He went in the bedroom and she and Xander thought he was packing his stuff, until they heard the gunshot."
Shivering, I hug him as tight as I can. "I'm so sorry, River. I'm so sorry."
He straightens his shoulders and pulls away, taking my hands in his. His voice tightens in anger as he talks. "That's not all. He left a note. It didn't say he was sorry, or why he did it. Instead it said, 'I love you all. Boys, take care of Mom, and, Bell, and don't ever settle for not being at the top, because I know you can do what I couldn't.' Xander or Bell never sang or played again after that day. But I never stopped. I don't know if I kept on for him or for me, but I loved it and was happy doing it until the day Xander came home from seeing my grandfather and told me he wanted to manage my career-to put me on top. I never asked why, but since then he's been determined to make the band succeed. Dahlia, I can't let him down."
"You owe it to yourself to do what's right for you now, River. Please think about that."
"My father always told us that scars are the road maps to one's soul. It took me forever to figure out what he meant, but I did when I met you."
Touched by his words but heartbroken by what happened to him, and to his family, I tip his chin up so I meet his eyes when I speak. "I love you so much."
He sags against me, touching his nose to mine. Then he buries his head in my neck and sighs. After a few minutes he brings his lips to mine and kisses me with a need I know I can fill. His kiss is deep, powerful, and unstrained. His strong frame hovers over me. The raw desperate need I feel from him makes me surrender to him and I let the conversation drop without further discussion even though I think we should talk about the upcoming tour. He wraps his arms around my back and dips my body down onto the rock.