Torn (Connections #2)(16)

       
         
       
        

As I start to drift off to sleep I keep hearing Ben's strained voice and seeing his distraught face. Why the hell would he pretend to be dead when he wasn't? Why would he put us all through the grief and sorrow that irrevocably changed our lives? I know I have to see him to understand what's going on.





Chapter 4

Like We Used To

Ben's Journal




I never thought I'd see her again and when I finally did-my heart stopped. Mom wanted me to stay in the kitchen so she could explain everything to her. I tried to wait until she was done, but when Serena called her by name, I couldn't wait any longer to get my Dahl back.

When I saw her beautiful face bruised and battered, my gut instinct was that that son of a bitch sitting next to her had hit her. It wasn't until she left and Caleb sat me down, that I knew her injuries were a direct result of my actions. Fuck me-what had I done? How can I ever make this up to her? I don't know how I'll do it, but I need her to give me the chance . . . because if she does I'll spend my whole life making it right. I swear I will.

Seeing her bruised and battered enraged me, but her reaction to seeing me-that just wrecked me. I knew she'd be shocked, even pissed, but fuck, I didn't expect apathy. She approached me like a zombie and the jackass she brought with her wouldn't shut the hell up. But then the sign came. The sign that she cared for me.

She touched me. Her hand tenderly brushed my cheek. A simple reminder that we had loved each other our whole lives, that we had known each other since we were five years old, that we were always there for each other. I didn't need the physical reminder to recall those feelings . . . but maybe she did.

It had been so long since I felt her soft skin against mine. Sure, I'd written to her in the journal, the one I kept just for her when I thought I'd never see her again-I'd written to her about how much I missed her and tried to explain the choice I'd made. But then she was standing in front of me and I couldn't believe it. I had dreamed of her touch so many times but never thought I'd feel it again. A simple reflex action-to reach out and touch someone-and she did it, almost intuitively. I thought that meant she had missed me, but now I'm not so sure what it meant.

Nothing up to that point had gone as I thought it would. But there she was wearing her Grammy's pearls, and all of the times she had worn them before flashed in front of my eyes. It was more than I could take. It broke me. I tried to pull her to me, to hold her but she resisted. I saw the look of confusion on her face, that same look I've seen before. If I could just hold her, she'd be mine, but that pretty boy stood up and I knew I didn't have much time. I spewed out what I could, as fast as I could, but it wasn't enough. 

She stared at me and I knew at least she finally saw me. Relieved, I tried to tune out all the chaos surrounding us but she suddenly went apeshit on me. When he tried to take her from me, I pulled her back; I wasn't done talking to her. How dare he threaten me, she's my girl.

She collapsed, but he got to her first. When the dick picked her up, he looked at my mother and said, "This is bullshit. We're done," and headed for the door. I'd had enough. I had to stop myself from pounding the shit out of him. I told him to put her down and get the fuck out. That fucking asshole was not taking her.

Mom ran after them and I tried to but Serena held me back. I couldn't let her just leave so I shrugged off my sister and went to get my girl. When I saw him putting her in his car, I yelled at him to bring my Dahl back. When the prick told me, "She's mine. You don't deserve her, you never did," I let him know how it really was-that he was just a substitute, not my replacement. And I wanted to beat the shit out of him, I really did, when he said, "Then I've been your substitute for way longer than you've been dead." But Caleb appeared out of nowhere and stopped me. He tried to calm him down. I still can't believe Caleb even talks to that fucker. I was literally blown away to learn that he had worked for him! I only found this out because he actually fired Caleb once he heard that Josh Hart, Dahl's attacker had been caught.


***

I couldn't free myself from Caleb to go after him, so I yelled my last plea. But I couldn't tell whether Dahlia heard anything I shouted to her. So much for a happy reunion  . What the fuck?

I had to watch as he acted like the hero for her. But she was my girl, is my girl, not his. That should have been me trying to get her to stop crying and wiping away her tears. They drove away and his last words-I've been your substitute for way longer than you've been dead-echoed in my mind. Fuck! I don't want to even think about it, but what did he mean?