Torn(70)

A tiny ray of hope flared inside me. Because the truth was, I didn’t want to die. Didn’t want that blackness. That nothingness.

Didn’t want to be lost forever in the void because I hadn’t yet overcome the weight of my sins.

I shook my head, realizing I’d let my mind get carried away. “No. Even if there is a lock, it doesn’t help Rose.”

“Just look,” he said, his voice plaintive. “I need to know.”

I took in his face, the fierce determination and the blatant need. “All right,” I said. “But no matter what we find, I’m going to save my sister.”

A muscle in his cheek twitched, but he didn’t argue. Right then, I figured that was the best I could hope for.

I drew inside myself, calling upon this new power over which I had scant control. “Please,” I whispered, then drew the blood and recited the words as the incantation filled my head, a musical chorus that filled me up and spilled over into the world.

When I was finished, I thrust my arm out, and we both peered at it. But nothing changed. My flesh didn’t rise. It didn’t burn. It didn’t even sting slightly.

“There is no lock,” I said.

“Bullshit,” Deacon countered. “You knew the incantation. There wouldn’t be an incantation if there wasn’t a lock.”

He had a point. “But the arm, Deacon,” I said, thrusting it toward him. “My arm finds things. If it’s a thing, and it’s in this dimension, then I’m the go-to girl. And there’s nothing there,” I added, shaking my arm for emphasis.

“It’s hidden, then. Trapped in another dimension. But it exists, Lily. You know damn well that it exists.”

I shook my head, images of Rose filling my mind. Rose in pigtails. Rose at Christmas. Rose with my mother.

And then my mom, asking me to watch after the sweet little girl.

“I have to,” I said, hating the way that my voice hitched behind the tears that filled my throat. “She’s my priority.”

“You save her, and she’s still dead,” Deacon said flatly. “Do you think the demon hordes will spare her? Do you think Johnson will? She’s on his radar, Lily. It’ll all start up again. You won’t have saved her. You’ll have abandoned her.”

I winced. “No.” I shook my head, not wanting to hear his words, not wanting to believe I could have lost so badly again. “No, no, no.”

He pressed his hands to my face, then gently kissed my forehead. “Don’t,” he said, his voice soft, tender. “It’s not about the gate, Lily. You’re mine. I’ve said so all along.”

“Deacon . . .” I wanted him, too. Wanted him desperately. I wanted to win. I wanted to save Rose.

And I damn sure didn’t want to die.

I gasped, my body stiffening with a sudden realization.

“What?” he asked.

“I don’t want to die,” I said, the excitement in my voice undoubtedly mystifying him.

“And I don’t want you to.”

I squeezed his hand tight. “Go get Rose. Tell Johnson I’m on to the third key. Act incredibly pissed, and tell him you’re only telling him so because I insisted, but that you’re not going to let him get away with taking the Oris Clef. That you’re coming, too, and that you’ll kill him. Or whatever. Just make it look good. He has to believe I really know where the third relic is.”

“And?”

“And get Rose to Zane’s. Get her there fast.”

TWENTY-SIX

“Chérie,” Zane said as I burst into his spartan bedroom. He was sitting on his cot, shirtless, the thin material of his sweatpants hugging the tight muscles of his legs. He stood immediately, his hand out to draw me in. “Ma petite, you are a mess.”

I had to laugh. As understatements went, that one was a doozy. “I need to ask you something,” I said. “I need to ask, and if I’m wrong . . .” I trailed off, because if I was wrong, I was screwed, and there really wasn’t anywhere to go from there.

“Lily,” he said, the accent disappearing as he cupped my chin. “Speak.”

“I’ve killed Clarence,” I said. “I’ve killed him, I’ve absorbed him, and I’m going to fight them. The demons. The ones who did this to me.”

He leaned backward, his expression unreadable. He wasn’t, however, lashing forward to lop off my head. Considering the way my luck had been running, that was a mark in the plus column.

“And you come now to me for what purpose? Do you seek to kill me, too?”

I licked my lips. “Not the way you mean.”

His eyes narrowed, his confusion clear. “Tell me,” he said. “Tell me everything.”