I'm doing pretty well with this new system. Does it lessen the heartache? No, not really. But it does limit the moping and the tears, and it is forcing me to focus on the positive. To be thankful for the time Ian and I had together, instead of simply wallowing in the pain of not having him in my life any longer.
A third, then fourth, week passes and I'm back into the swing of living in D.C. The weather is slowly getting better and I've taken to jogging along the Mall on Saturday mornings, and taking long walks in Rock Creek Park on Sunday afternoons. I'm trying to be outside more. First, it is one of my new life goals, but second, it keeps my mind off Ian. Holing up in my apartment always leads to pining for him, so I've been tracking some serious steps on my Fitbit. I am just bundling up for a walk in the park when I get a text from Rae asking if I want to have lunch with her, Yuki and Samantha.
Of course I do! Where?
Meet us at Old Ebbit Grill on 15th in 30 minutes.
You got it, see you there.
I race from my apartment and head to the Metro. That's one thing I absolutely love about D.C. and don't miss at all about L.A. - the ability to get around easily. Public transportation is the best and it is freeing to know you can get pretty much any place you want in under an hour on the Metro.
Walking up to the restaurant, I see that the girls have already gotten there and are waiting for me outside.
"Kelli!" Yuki calls out and gives me a big hug, rocking me back and forth and refusing to let go.
Sam follows suit with an equally binding embrace and takes it further by telling me how great I look in my new sweater. "It's perfect for your complexion and really brings out your eyes," she gushes.
"Alright you guys, come on now, you can stop being so nice to me. I'm going to get used to this and then what'll you do when you want go back to being total bitches?" I ask with a laugh.
"Fine by me," Rachel says. "It's been getting on my nerves having to always be nice. Get your ass in that restaurant and please buy us a round of drinks! Got it?"
We all laugh. Even when trying to be bitchy, Rachel can't help but throw in a "please". I bet she didn't even realize she did it.
"Your wish is my command," I say, bowing as I hold open the door for her to enter.
We are seated quickly and true to my word, I order us a round of margaritas. Come on liver, hold out a couple more weeks, then I promise I'll let up on the booze!
As always happens with these three, conversation flows steadily, changing topics rapidly.
"Kel, how's the job going?" Yuki asks.
"It's going really well. Right now I'm working on a visit by the Dalai Lama. I am so excited that I'm going to get the opportunity to meet him. I hope a little of his peacefulness rubs off on me," I say.
"Oh God, I know what you mean," Sam breaks in. "The boys have been behaving like total hellions of late and I'm in a constant state of combat when I'm at home. I'd love to experience some zen."
"Speaking of zen," Rachel says, "I've been thinking we need a spa day. I was trying to get it together for your birthdays, but I had that trial and couldn't get to it. Hey, isn't it kinda weird that all three of you have February birthdays?"
"No," I say. "Aquarians are the coolest people, so of course you'd want to hang with us."
"I'm a Pisces," Yuki says.
"Ah, close enough," I say and smile at her.
"The spa day," Rachel says again. "When should we plan it for? The last weekend of the month? Will that work for everyone?"
"Yep," says Sam.
"Works for me," chimes Yuki.
"My calendar is wide open," I say, a hint of bitterness creeping into my voice.
"Have you heard anything from Ian?" Sam asks quietly and is immediately rebuked by Yuki and Rachel with stern looks and low clucking. "Shit, sorry, I shouldn't have asked."
"No, it's fine Sammy. And no, I haven't heard from him and I don't expect to. He was always clear - he was not interested in a relationship," I say with a shrug of my shoulders.
"Yeah, but he fell in love with you, Sweetie. It makes sense to think he'd change his mind," Rachel says with a hand on my thigh.
I smile at her. "Yeah, well, the asshole didn't, so it's yet another broken heart for me."
"We've all had ‘em! Remember how upset I was when Dave dumped me? And then came out of the closet? Man, I never thought I'd get over that," Rachel says.
"I was in love with this guy in high school and I know, I know, no one thinks you can actually be in love in high school, but I swear, I was. He had mentioned taking me to prom at the beginning of the year but when the time came, he took Sherri Campbell. I swear, I cried every morning for six months," Sam says.
"Yeah, I'm still crying. A lot. It is getting better though. I think I generally only burst into tears three or four times a day now," I say.
"Oh, Kel," Yuki gives me a sad smile.
"It's all good. It's not like I've never had a broken heart before. Rae, remember Alex? Oh man, I was so in love with him. I think I cried a year after we broke up." I shake my head. "That's what scares me."
"What?" Rachel asks.
"I was so in love with him, and I was so sad, but the scar from that is tiny in comparison to the tear Ian ripped. It's kinda like Nearly Headless Nick," I say, laughing to myself.
"What's that?" Yuki asks.
"You know, Nearly Headless Nick from Harry Potter?" Yuki shakes her head. "He's the Gryffindor ghost and he wants to be a part of the headless huntsmen but he can't because he's not totally headless. While his head is basically severed, it is actually held on by a tiny flap of skin. That's how I feel. My heart is basically torn in two, but it's being held together by the smallest piece of connective tissue. It's the only thing that's keeping it beating," I finish morosely.
I catch Rachel, Yuki and Sam all sharing concerned looks.
Remembering my new coping mechanism, I shake off my gloom by changing the subject.
"Hey, I meant to ask you guys something. My friend Kay Marie is singing in a D.C. Master Chorale concert next weekend. Any of you want to go with me? She says it's a fantastic show and she has a solo, so I really want to go and hear her," I look hopefully between the three.
"Didn't we hear her sing at something a couple years ago?" Rachel asks.
"Yeah, and you loved it. She's got a superb voice," I say.
"Let me check with Dan, and assuming we don't have plans, I'd love to go," Rachel says.
"We'll check with the husbands, too," Yuki says and Sam nods.
"Yay, thanks guys. I think it'll be fun. Now, back to planning that spa day. I'm in desperate need of a facial," I say and it's off to the races.
An hour later I'm calculating the bill, writing down everyone's respective amounts on the check for the waitress when I hear, "Kelli" from a deep male voice.
I look up and see a familiar face, but I can't quite come up with his name. I met him last year, at Kay Marie's birthday party. He's an environmental consultant and I remember him being really sweet. He also has gorgeous blue eyes.
"Hi," I say, trying to sound enthusiastic and not at all like I don't remember his name.
He smiles, "Clive," he says, pointing to himself. "We met at Kay Marie's – "
"Birthday party," I interrupt. "I remember. How are you?"
"I'm well, thanks," he looks around at the others at the table. "Hi, I'm Clive."
"Oh, sorry! Goodness, where are my manners? This is Rachel, Samantha and Yuki."
They exchange pleasantries and then turn to look at me.
"I thought you moved," Clive says.
"Oh, I did," I say with a laugh. "But I got an excellent job offer back at AU, so decided to come back."
"Congratulations."
"Thanks," I say.
"Hey," Clive says suddenly, and a little too loudly, and we all jump in our seats. "Did you know KM is singing next week? I was thinking of trying to catch it. Would you like to go?"
"How funny! We were just talking about that. We are going to try and go, too. I guess we'll see you there," I say smiling up at him.
"Well, I still need to see if I can go," Rachel hedges. "If Dan says no, maybe the two of you can go together."
I look at Rachel and see a little gleam in her eye. Oh my god, she has got to be kidding. I just finished saying how my heart was split in two and she's trying to set me up on a date. I give her a look that says she's going to pay for this later, before turning back to Clive.