I was so nervous, but would it be bad to admit I was excited, too? I am 18, after all! Don't all young adults do crazy things? Call it a rite of passage.
The casino was huge and more elaborate than a cathedral. Marble everywhere. Picture men in tuxedos and women in gowns that cost more than my car. It felt like I was in the movies. My head was spinning amid the whir of voices and laughter and all the commotion.
"I … I've never seen anything like it," I finally sputtered.
Clarissa giggled and grabbed my hand. I let her guide me to a booth where a man in a bow-tie exchanged our cash for a bucket filled with colorful tokens. He smiled haughtily as he handed over the chips.
"Enjoy yourselves, ladies," he sniffed.
We took the tokens and made our way through the sea of people, all playing poker or blackjack and other games that I didn't recognize. Some guy jostled me and I spun around quickly, hoping to see my future Romeo. Wrong. It was just some lecherous old man practically eye-fucking me.
"You workin' tonight, baby?" The guy was clearly leering at my boobs. He ran his tongue over his lips, spittle collecting in the corners of his mouth. His breath smelled like garbage.
"Back off, creep," I said.
"Don't be like that, baby," he countered. "I just want to play … "
I broke free from the lecherous man and ran after Clarissa, which was more than a little difficult in heels. Everywhere I turned, it seemed there was some other threatening man staring at me. I felt more self-conscious than ever in a tiny dress that I wouldn't have been caught dead in, if I hadn't let Clarissa talk me into wearing it. I wanted to disappear. For some reason I couldn't stop thinking about my dad. I wanted to find Clarissa and get out of there and apologize to him. This evening was turning out to be a disaster.
Clarissa was at a fancy wooden table crowded with people. I pressed against her.
"Where were you?" she asked, not waiting for an answer. "This is Roulette. It's easy."
I couldn't believe the amount of chips she wagered.
///
And I couldn't believe how quickly it vanished from the table. In less than three minutes, all of the money was gone.
My money! My college fund! Gone.
Everything that happened next was a blur. I know I was sobbing. I think I might have been wailing, even. Fancy ladies and gentlemen were glancing at me like my skin was covered in some kind of contagious disease.
"You're making a scene," Clarissa hissed. "Keep it together, why don't you."
In true Clarissa fashion, she had already made friends with a preppy college boy who had his arm around her at the table. He probably thought she was rich, given how much of my dad's money she had been spending. He was whispering something in her ear that I couldn't quite hear. She burst into giggles. It was if I had completely vanished. That only made me want to cry more.
Some friend she is.
Just then, an enormous security guard appeared. He was blank faced and wide as a fridge. He escorted me away from Clarissa.
"But my money..." I wailed to the man, trailing off. I don't know what I expected him to do about it.
He dragged me away from the table, towards the exit. "It's gone," he said. "Best to just forget about it, lady. Happens to the best of us."
The guard took me outside the casino and left me sobbing on the sidewalk. Some birthday this turned out to be. I had no one to call but my daddy.
IV.
When he rolled up on his motorcycle I wanted to jump in his arms. But something wouldn't let me. The same old anger and insecurity from before kept me from letting him see my vulnerability.
Basically, I went into bitch mode.
"Took you long enough," I huffed.
He took off his helmet and gave it to me without a word. I could tell he was seething, but pretended not to notice. I put the helmet on and climbed behind him, straddling him with my thighs. My dress was way too short to be on a motorcycle but I had no other option at that point. The fabric of my thong pressed against his back. I felt a funny feeling between my legs. The bike rumbled rhythmically beneath me which only made things more intense.
He drove home fast, weaving in and out of traffic. Going around a sharp curve I wrapped my arms around his waist to steady myself, and I felt the hard contours of his abs tense at my touch.
Once we were home I jumped off the bike, straightened my dress and sulked.
"So it's all gone?" he asked. I had given him the short version of what had happened at the casino with Clarissa, and I could tell he was furious.
"Every dime," I replied snottily.
My stepfather's blue eyes flashed with rage. "You know what, to hell with the money," he said. "You disobeyed me. If you were still a little girl I'd bend you over my knee and spank you."
"Too bad I'm not your little girl anymore," I sneered.
"Yeah, too bad," he muttered. "You're eighteen, and you can do what you want. That also means I'm not legally responsible for you. Since you obviously can't live under my rules, in my house, then you can get the hell out. Right now."
Wait. He wasn't really going to give me the boot, right? He wasn't my biological dad, but he was still my dad! I was barely eighteen, just out of high school. I hadn't even started college yet. And now I had no college fund. I was feeling woozier by the minute at the thought of my future going down the drains.
"You can't do that, Dad!" I cried.
"Like hell I can't. I've had enough. You're on your own."
Daddy looked me up and down, his eyes raking across my body. I must have looked like a trainwreck, with my messed-up makeup and slutty dress clinging to my curves. Who was I trying to fool?
I burst into tears and fell into his arms, crying, "No! Please!" We fell backward into his recliner. He sat there but did not move to comfort me. His body was tense, rejecting. I began to panic. I couldn't lose the only father I had ever known. He was my provider, the only constant in my life, and I was really about to lose him.
I was sobbing. My mind was a blur. Without even realizing it, I slid down to his knees and fell across his lap, presenting my ass to him.
"Spank me, Daddy," I cried.
"Sit up," he said.
"Spank me, Daddy. I was bad. I know that. Punish me, but don't kick me out. Spank me, please."
For a moment he said nothing. "When you were a girl and I gave you discipline, I always told you that it was going to hurt me more than it hurt you," he said.
///
"Make it hurt," I whispered.
Suddenly I felt the smack of his open palm against my ass.
"Oh!" I screamed.
It stung. I clenched my teeth to bear the pain, it hurt so bad. But I wanted more.
"Again," I said.
He unleashed all his pent up rage on me. Daddy spanked me again and again. My skirt rode up my ass and his hand smacked my bare skin. My daddy was spanking me so hard and putting me in my place. The sharp pain radiated like electricity throughout my body. To my shock I felt a twinge between my legs. I was so sensitive, I didn't even notice I had started rubbing that spot against my daddy's knee, grinding into him. I was overcome by a desire to be filled, to be stretched, for the first time. I wished he would tear off my thong and have his way with me.
Daddy touched my thigh and it sent shivers through my body.
"Did you learn your lesson?" he said.
"Oh Daddy," I murmured. "Yes."
Daddy lifted me up, like I was light as a feather, and sat me on his lap. My ass smarted. His finger touched my face and swept the hair out of my eyes.
"Are you going to be good now?" he said.
I threw my arms around his neck and pulled myself up against him. I could feel the firmness of his chest. He had been so distant earlier, but now I could feel his chest heaving as he breathed me in. I wanted to feel his lips against mine. I knew I shouldn't, but I couldn't resist.
I closed my eyes and let my lips brush across his. His lips were so soft. His cheek was so scratchy. He pulled back.
"Lily, no," he said. "We can't do this."
I touched his cheek, feeling the roughness, and looked into his sky-blue eyes. I could see the battle of emotions raging within. His desire for me. His concern for me. I could feel something shifting in his boxer shorts, something hard and stiff, jammed against my thigh.