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Tomorrow's Bride(24)

By:Alexandra Scott


'Can you forgive me, Leigh?' Now that he was no longer touching her foot  she felt insecure. 'I did ask a moment ago, and thought you said you  would. Did I imagine it, I wonder?'

'Forgive?' Her voice, her eyes grew dreamy; she felt they had been here  before, then remembered the reception and the same question. It had all  started again from there.                       
       
           



       

'You want your pound of flesh?' The firm mouth curved slightly. 'I can't  say I blame you. I'm not used to apologies, Leigh, but then neither am I  used to making such a complete fool of myself. As a lawyer, I should be  extremely sceptical of circumstantial evidence, so it's quite humbling  to realise how I could have jumped to so many idiotic conclusions.'

He shrugged, raised his hands and looked about him for a moment, before  returning all his attention to her. 'Here, in the garden of a country  vicarage, I ask myself how I could have done it-it seems impossible that  I reached the conclusions I did. Put it down...' He paused, his eyes  searching her features with a flaying intensity which made her quiver.  Put it down to... quite insane jealousy.'

The blood drained from her head then, her mind a surging confusion of  thoughts and fears. That this man, this man above anyone, should think,  should have imagined... A sob forced its way from her throat, a tear  slid from the comer of her eye and down her cheek. And yet... Jealousy?  The insane kind? There was a perversity here; there was intense pain yet  a stirring hope...

'Leigh, don't.' The anguish in his voice was something with which she  could identify and sympathise. 'For God's sake don't. I can't bear it if  I make things worse for you.' A distracted hand raked through the dark  hair. 'Sooner than that I would go away now, leave you in peace and  never interfere in your life again. I can't begin to understand how I  could have believed... you and Kyle...'

'And that other one.' Reminding him was irresistible; even as she spoke  she felt the healing process begin, helped, perhaps, by the touch of  self-derision. 'Don't forget you accused me of an affair with that naval  man----' his name refused to come to mind at the moment' -simply on the  grounds that he was married-or so you believed.'

'Well!' He had the grace to look embarrassed. 'You remember, I  explained-I was half out of my mind with jealousy. Seeing you, all cool  perfection, telling me it was not my business-and I knew that  already-imagining you with them... It didn't matter that I had no  rights; that had no effect on my feelings. I just hated the thought of  you with either of them.' His laugh had a bitter note. 'Or with anyone,  come to that.' Turning away, he leaned against the tree close to her. 'I  suppose, even if... the man in your life, the one you told me about, if  he turns out to be the most eligible man in the whole of Europe, it  will make no difference. I'll hate him with all the passion I devoted to  Kyle Lessor.'

'What?' Things were moving too quickly for her...

'Yes.' He laughed briefly. 'Sounds crazy, doesn't it? I surprised myself  with the strength of my feelings. I had always thought of myself as a  fairly rational man but the last few weeks have made me revise that  opinion. Possibly that's not a bad thing for a lawyer-we ought to be  aware that, even in the most ordered lives, something can happen to  knock you completely off-course.'

It was as if her brain had jammed in neutral; she couldn't seem to get  on to his wavelength. 'I'm still trying to decide what on earth you're  saying. Is it...is it something to do with James Brereton?' Then, when  his face took on the blankness that she herself was experiencing, it  seemed the ideal moment to seize her chance. "The naval officer? The one  you added to my list of...lovers?' she accused him innocently.

'Oh, that.' His expression was one of shamefaced guilt. 'Well, I suppose  I ought to expect you to pile on the agony, and I'm not complaining,  don't think that, but as to the special man in your life, you were quite  open about it when I came to your flat that day.' A faint narrowing of  her eyes indicated increased watchfulness, and he saw colour come and go  in her face. 'Is it so painful for you to discuss it? "Ashamed" was the  word you used at the time. I remember it well,' he added, with a faint  smile which did little to conceal his bitterness.

'Neither of those things.' Now she was beginning to understand what had  previously been so confused, but it was vital to damp down the wilder  excesses of hope and expectation which she felt bubbling up. But  everything he had said, every word uttered, did seem to point in one  direction. Nevertheless, she determined to exercise great control in her  reply-already there had been too many misunderstandings. Take your  time, she told herself; don't rush. But, unable to trust herself, she  concentrated her attention on the book in her hand, sliding a finger  once or twice along the length of the glossy spine.                       
       
           



       

Lying here, so close to him, her heart hammering with wild, exultant  strokes, she knew with total certainty that she wanted this man, longed  for him with all the urgency of a passionate nature. It didn't matter if  there had been a dozen Gillian Places; the past was over and nothing  was going to stop her reaching out and seizing what she wanted. She  would use all the skill and guile and determination of a man-eater if  that was what it took. She had had time to study methods recently; now  she decided to hunt with the best of them.

'And,' he prompted at last, invading her thoughts, 'if neither applies, then what?'

'Oh...' A sudden loss of control defeated all the easy resolve of a  moment before; words tumbled out without consideration. 'I'm lying- of  course I am.' The eyes she raised to his were darkly brilliant,  sparkling with insecure tears. 'I find it both painful and shaming, but  not-----' feverishly she caught at her lip '-not exactly for the reasons  I gave you then. Maybe--' she choked on a shaky smile '-maybe it's time  for me to ask you to forgive...'

'Go on.' If she had been less involved in her own emotions, less  troubled by the tremors caused by his oh, so persuasive tones, she might  have seen that he too was f hiding control less than easy, that his  hands were clenched to stop bun reaching out. 'Go on, Leigh.' This was  the skilled advocate at his most seductive. 'I know you can't have done  anything so terrible, anything that needs forgiveness...'

"That day in Paris...after...after...' Hot colour stained her face.  'When you followed me.' Regaining control now, she spoke with an  appearance of detachment. 'When I said I was involved with someone else,  it wasn't true. There was no one else. Not that it seemed to matter,  since you were all too ready to believe-----'

'And why did I believe, Leigh?' He raked a hand through his hair, spoke  through his teeth. 'Ask yourself that, for God's sake.' For what seemed a  lifetime they stared at each other, then she saw him close his eyes,  press a clenched fist to his forehead as if determined to force  comprehension. 'But why in heaven's name did you lie about it? That's  what I can't understand.'

It was a moment before she answered, searching for the right words for  herself as much as for him. 'I suppose it was mostly that I wanted to  pay you back. For Oxford. For the years in between and...' She faltered,  struck by the idea that so much spontaneous self-examination might be  unwise. There was little doubt that it contradicted all her decisions of  a moment before. 'And, even more than that, perhaps-perhaps,' she  emphasised, as if she too was questioning her reasons, 'it had something  to do with pride.

'You see-----' she drew in one deep, shuddering breath, then looked at  him with something like accusation '-I had convinced myself that I was  safe, in complete charge of my own destiny, that never again would any  man-not just you,' she threw in almost apologetically, 'snap his fingers  and-----' the tip of her tongue passed over her lips '-and then I'd  wake up in his bed. I thought I was so strong, so much in control of my  life, and then to find... Here I was, twenty-five years old, so much  more experienced and yet making the same elementary mistakes I had made  when I was a student. Surely you can see that that was enough to make  anyone feel ashamed?' Searching his face, she waited for a reply, and  when he said nothing, just stood there looking down at her, she grew all  nervous and jumpy again. 'Well, can't you?'

'Experienced?' It was exasperating that he should ignore most of what  she had said and pick up on a single indiscreet word. 'That's what you  said just now, and it could mean such a lot or it could mean nothing at  all...'

Anger shook her. Men could be so transparent, and she resented being  questioned on this subject just as much as she had the last time it had  come up. 'If you're asking about my sex-life, then don't. Don't,' she  insisted as he seemed about to speak, and somehow, even lying there, she  gave the impression that if she had been standing on her feet one of  them would have been stamped. 'Not unless and until you are prepared for  me to do likewise. I very much doubt if your life has been entirely  chaste since Oxford and-----'