Toad Words(42)

Snow nodded. “They—um. They’re shy.” She grimaced, because “shy” was entirely the wrong word, and possibly she was lying to a nun. “That is, they—they don’t talk to many people. They look a little…odd.”

The nun nodded.

“And they dig truffles, and they’re wonderful—they’re so kind, and they’ve taken care of me all winter. And this awful peddler—”

She spilled the entire story, shocked to find that she was still so indignant about the peddler and the boars that she was crying.

The nun made sympathetic noises in the right places. At the end, she pulled out a handkerchief and pressed it in Snow’s hand.

“Thank you,” mumbled Snow, wiping at her face. She hated crying. She had to be the color of a roasted beet. “Anyway…I had to stop that…I thought I did…but now I can’t leave them, because I drove him away, and I was only trying to help but I think I made it even worse!”

The last word came out in a quiet wail and she crumpled the handkerchief against her face, embarrassed.

“Oh, my dear…” said the nun, and put her arms around Snow.

It undid her completely.

“There, there,” said the nun, because that is the only possible thing to say. She had the air of one who had been cried on by many young women. “There, there. It is all terrible right now, but we may yet put it right.”

“I have to leave,” said Snow miserably, when she could talk again. “I’m afraid I’ll—well, I just have to. That’s all. But someone has to help them. And that’s all wrong, because they’re smart and good and they shouldn’t have to need someone’s help. The world’s awful. I don’t know what to do.”

This sent her back into tears again. She mopped her face with the handkerchief.

“Do you have to go at once?” asked the nun gently. “It seems that you are doing very well by them at the moment. If it is too hard living with them, you are welcome to stay here with us for a little while.”

Snow’s heart leapt, and then immediately slammed back down. She had already endangered the boars. The queen would not hesitate to kill nuns, would she?

“It wouldn’t be safe for you either,” she muttered. She pinched the bridge of her nose. Her head ached.

“The rules are different for us,” said the nun gently. “Many women find sanctuary with us. Even king’s daughters, sometimes.”

Snow jerked back in sudden horror.

“Oh, my dear,” said the nun, smiling. “No need to look at me like that. Your secret’s safe with me, I promise—although I fear it’s not much of a secret.”

“It’s the hair, isn’t it?” asked Snow grimly.

“I’m afraid so.”

“Does everyone in the village know, then?” Snow could not bear the thought of that. Had they all been laughing at her? She thought she had done so well…

“I don’t think so. Master Elias may have an inkling, but no secret ever passes his lips unless you pour gold into his hands. But I knew the woman who raised you well, and though it’s been awhile since she came out this way, she described you very well.”

“Could I stay here?” asked Snow warily. “The queen—the queen is—”

“I know what the queen is,” said the nun. She sighed. “I know she is more than a match for me, too. I have no great power of my own and I cannot promise you safety.”

“Then—” Snow began.

The older woman held up a hand. “But there is no safety in the world anyway. If I had to stand before the Lord and tell him that I had let a girl stumble off alone into the woods, because I was afraid…no. I fear that more than anything the queen can do.”

Snow gulped.

There was a little silence, while the bees buzzed in the early flowers. The nun leaned down and plucked a few stems of chickweed that were growing around the feet of the bench.

“This is all a bit overwhelming, isn’t it?”

Snow nodded.

“If you wish to think about it, I understand. For the love I bear your foster mother alone, we’d be happy to take you for a time, although—well—forgive me, but I cannot imagine you have a vocation, do you?”

“A what?”

“A desire to serve God,” said the nun.

“Oh,” said Snow. The only priest in the castle had gone off with the king. “Um. I don’t think so?”

The nun nodded. “Well. It would be unkind to trap you in orders then, as young as you are. You’d come to regret it soon enough. But you could stay with us for some time, and sort things out. Sometimes a little stillness is good for the heart.”