To Professor, With Love(113)

 

Jaw clenched, I bit out, “You don’t even take this class. Now leave.”

 

His smile was bitter and his laugh even harsher. “Wow, you really get off on coming up with new ways to get rid of me, don’t you?”

 

When I met his gaze, a vulnerable pain glinted from his eyes, nearly killing me. I needed him gone before I broke completely, shattering into a million pieces.

 

“Mr. Hamilton,” I called frantically, my lashes beating like hummingbird wings to hold back the tears. Scanning the room, I searched the sea of faces for his friend I knew who took this course. “Could you please escort your teammate from my room?”

 

“Quinn?” Noel whipped around until he saw the other guy stand up and start toward him. “Hey, Ham!” he cheered, pushing to his feet to greet his pal with a pat on the back. “I didn’t know you took this class too, bud. Why don’t you go sit back down?” He waved Quinn away. “I’m good here. I got this.”

 

“Come on, Noel,” Quinn said somberly.

 

“But I’m here to learn some literature.” When Noel resisted and tried to pull his arm out of Quinn’s grip, a couple more bulky, football-player-looking guys leapt from their seats to assist.

 

This time, when three guys lifted him into the air, he just smiled and pointed at the girl he’d hit on. “Hey guys, have you met my new friend here?” he asked his fellow football players. “We haven’t had sex yet but I’m sure we will.” Glancing at her over Quinn’s shoulder, he mimed a phone and pressed it to his ear. “Call me.”

 

I fisted my hands down at my sides, holding my breath. At the last second before his teammates propelled him from the room, he reached out and grabbed the doorjamb, like a cat refusing to go into its carrier.

 

“Wait!” He struggled against the players until his gaze met mine. “I came to say something to you.” Emotions boiled from the depths of his intense gaze.

 

My stomach knotted.

 

“Fuck you,” he said, gritting his teeth as if he meant every letter of those two words with everything he had. “Fuck you for being a coward and giving up. Fuck you to hell, Dr. Kavanagh.” He took a piece of paper from his pocket, wadded it into a ball and threw it toward me. I watched it land on the ground and knew I didn’t what to know what it said.

 

When the door shut, silence fell over the lecture hall. Pressing my hand to my abdomen, I turned to face my students. I’d never seen so many people so adamant to hear what I had to say next.

 

I opened my mouth, but no words came. Clearing my throat, I ducked my face and tried again. “Sorry for the interruption. You may be excused now.”

 

For a breath, no one moved. Then I lifted my eyebrows, and they suddenly couldn’t leave fast enough.

 

One girl was even nice enough to bend down and fetch my note for me. I took it with a stone-faced nod and curled it into my fist. After the place cleared out, I packed my briefcase and walked to my office before shutting myself inside alone. I collapsed into my chair and sat there another five minutes before I opened my hand to read the note crumpled inside.

 

It was another quote for my board: “You know what the crummiest feeling you can have is? To hate the person you love the best in the world.”- S.E. Hinton (from That Was Then, This is Now)

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

“Would 'sorry' have made any difference? Does it ever? It's just a word. One word against a thousand actions.” - Sarah Ockler, Bittersweet

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

~NOEL~

 

 

 

Sober and feeling like shit, I fisted my hand and pounded on Aspen’s door. She didn’t open it until about thirty seconds after I started shouting her name at the top of my lungs.

 

As soon as the dead bolt sounded and it cracked open, I set my palm on the surface and started to push...until the chain caught. Glaring at it, I lifted an eyebrow. “Really?”

 

“Stop pounding on my door or I’ll call the police.”

 

I pressed my forehead against cool wood so I could see her through the small slit and wedged my fingers into the gap. Risky move, but I knew she wouldn’t smash my digits. My dick might be another matter, but my fingers seemed relatively safe. I hoped.

 

“Please. I just came to apologize. I’m sober now, I swear.”

 

“You could apologize out there just as well as you could in here.”

 

But I wanted to be in there. “Aspen,” I choked out, dying a little from her rejection. My eyelids squeezed together. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. Let me in. Just let me in.”