To Catch a Husband(42)

The steady tick, tick of the clock reminded her that she must not stay away from the ballroom for too long.

‘Soon we will be brother and sister,’ she said carefully. ‘How will we manage, meeting as if we mean nothing to each other?’

He rubbed a hand across his eyes.

‘We must.’

A rogue tear escaped and she dashed it away.

‘I am not sure I can,’ she whispered.

With an oath Daniel was on his feet, dragging her up and into his arms.

‘Then let us not even try!’ he muttered, covering her face with kisses. ‘We can both cry off. Surely it is better to tell the truth now than to make the four of us unhappy?’

He kissed her savagely and Kitty clung to him, responding with all the pent-up longing that had been slumbering within her.

‘If you cannot face telling them then I’ll carry you off now,’ he muttered between kisses. ‘We will go away; I’ll write to Harworth and tell him what has happened…’

Steeling herself, Kitty put a hand to his mouth to silence him.

‘You know we cannot do that.’ She gave him a misty smile and reached up to brush back a lock of dark hair, her fingers trailing lovingly over his brow. ‘You are too much of a gentleman, Daniel Blackwood. You cannot cry off.’

‘Despite what she says I swear Ann Harworth doesn’t love me—’

‘That is not the point. You have promised to marry her. How could you live with your conscience if you broke off your engagement?’

‘How can you live with your conscience,’ he threw at her, ‘knowing you married Harworth for his title and his money?’

She looked at him, saw the tortured anguish in his eyes. The confusion that had been banging around in her head for days suddenly resolved itself.

‘I am not going to marry him,’ she said quietly. ‘Lord Harworth does not love me: when I told him I had no money of my own he decided the honourable course was to continue with the engagement, but I think he would be quite relieved if I were to withdraw.’

‘But if you cry off, if you are free—’

‘No!’ She pushed away from him. ‘I am nothing. If I cry off everyone will say Lord Harworth is well rid of me. His pride may suffer a little, and Lady Leaconham will be embarrassed, but that will pass, it will be forgotten. Society may want to punish me but that will not be possible, for I am not really a part of that world. I can retire to Fallridge and obscurity. I shall be no worse off than when I began. For you to jilt Ann Harworth would bring shame and embarrassment upon her and social ruin upon you and your family.’

‘But I love you!’

‘And I love you too much to bring disgrace to you.’

‘But it needn’t be like that.’ He reached out for her again. ‘Ann could cry off—’

‘You would make yourself so unpleasant to her that she no longer wants to marry you?’ Kitty shook her head. ‘You must not hurt her, Daniel, she is my friend. I could not bear you to do anything so dishonourable.’

‘No! Listen to me—!’

She put out her hands, stepping back to put a distance between them. She said slowly, ‘I will make you this promise, Daniel. If you or Ann do anything to break this engagement, I will never marry you.’

‘And that is your final word?’

‘It is.’

She kept her eyes on his face. He must not be in any doubt that she spoke with deadly sincerity. The silence stretched until she thought she might scream with the pain of it. At last Daniel spoke.

‘Then there can be no hope for us.’

‘None.’ She added quietly, ‘You told me once that we all have choices. When those choices are made we must live with them.’

He stared at her, such passion in his eyes that for a moment she feared he might drag her into his arms again and if he did that Kitty did not know if she had the strength left to resist him. Instead he reached out and caught her fingers, carrying them to his lips. Kitty blinked rapidly. She must not cry now. There would be plenty of time for tears later. Gently she disengaged her hands.

‘Goodbye, my love,’ she whispered as she turned and walked out of the room.





Chapter Thirteen




Three days later Kitty was back at Fallridge, where her mother’s silence was harder to bear than the tears and recriminations she had anticipated. The announcement that she was not going to marry Lord Harworth had been met with bewilderment and outrage at Kirkleigh. Lady Leaconham had pleaded and Ann had begged her to reconsider: Bertram adopted the role of martyr but in Lady Harworth Kitty found an ally. The lady had never reconciled herself to the idea of her son taking a penniless bride and she showed more kindness than Kitty thought she deserved.

Lady Harworth arranged for her own carriage to take Kitty back to Fallridge, together with the trunks full of clothes that she had accumulated in London and a purse full of coins. To Kitty it felt as if Lady Harworth was buying her off, but she did not refuse the money, knowing that it would bring some relief to her family, from whom she had so cruelly ripped the possibility of comfort and riches.

A letter from Lady Leaconham followed her, detailing how badly she had been deceived and stating that she would do no more for her goddaughter, to which Mama insisted that Kitty should reply with a very civil apology and an assurance that she would not call upon her for any further assistance.

‘Your godmother has been very good but we must now think of what we are going to do with you,’ said Mama, sealing up the letter and with it all her hopes. ‘Mrs Midgley has put some work my way, so there is a little sewing you can help me with until you have stopped crying all the time.’

‘Mama, I do not cry all the time!’

‘Do not tell me that you do not water your pillow every night, my love, because the walls are very thin and even Aunt Jane can hear you, and as you know she is very deaf!’

‘Very well, I confess that my spirits are a little low.’

‘It is my belief that you are nursing a broken heart,’ said Mama. ‘But I will not ask you to tell me anything about that if you do not wish to do so.’

Kitty bowed her head.

‘Oh, Mama, I am such a disappointment to you.’

‘Nonsense, you are a credit to me! Why, look at you, so pretty as you are, and with an excellent education, too. I was always afraid Letitia Leaconham was aiming a little too high, hoping to catch a baron for you. I could wish that the squire had not seen the announcement of your betrothal, because it is very hard to hold one’s head up knowing that everyone is wondering just what occurred to make you break off the engagement. And of course there are some ill-natured enough to gloat at your misfortune. But we shall take no notice of them.’ She looked closely at Kitty. ‘Are you sure there were no other gentleman dangling after you, not even one who might be keen enough to seek you out and come courting you?’

An image of Daniel rose before Kitty and the tears that were never far away clogged her throat. She shook her head, unable to trust her voice.

‘Well, then, we must think of an occupation for you,’ Mama said briskly. ‘I had it from Mrs Hobbs that the squire’s governess has given notice. Now I suggest you put on your bonnet and take yourself off to the squire’s house this minute and put your name forward. You have always been a favourite with the older girls, so I think you have a good chance of securing the position.’

‘Really, Mama?’

‘Of course! I don’t say I wouldn’t prefer to see you married, but if it isn’t to be then we must find you some other way to support yourself.’



The weeks dragged by and Kitty fell into a regular routine at Fallridge. The squire and his lady agreed to take Kitty on as governess, but she was not required until the end of November, when the present governess was leaving to live with her sister. In the meantime Kitty worked at home and took over many of the household tasks, leaving Aunt Jane and her mother free to concentrate on their sewing. Aunt Jane might tut and bemoan the fact that Kitty’s hands were growing rough from the hard work but Kitty preferred the activity, because she found sewing left her mind far too free to think about Daniel.

Even when her hands were red and sore from washing clothes, or her eyes smarting from dust as she swept out the cottage, she could not regret calling off her engagement. It was not just the idea of marriage to a man she didn’t love: that might have been bearable. Given time they might even have grown quite fond of one another, but her heart recoiled from the thought of watching Daniel with another woman. Also, knowing that Daniel loved her, it would not have been fair to Ann for Kitty to remain. This way she could at least give them a chance of happiness. This thought was her only consolation as she dragged herself to bed every night, afraid her dreams would be filled with painful visions of Daniel, but disappointed if they were not.

She refused to discuss what had happened at Kirkleigh with her mother, and when Mrs Wythenshawe read for herself in the London newspaper the brief announcement that the betrothal was terminated, she immediately went off to visit the squire and to beg him not to pass on any further newspapers since her interest in London society was now completely at an end. Thus Kitty was spared any news of Daniel and Ann’s betrothal. That part of her life was over. She must now look to the future.