To Be Honest(8)

“That was generous, Josh.” Luckily, Mum loves him so as long as he doesn’t say anything, I’ll be fine.

Upstairs, Josh’s quiet. I know better than to open my mouth, but I can’t help it.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have lied. Thanks.”

He’s silent, playing with the sea-Mint glass paperweight Dad got me. I toss shopping, coat, hat on the bed and flop on top.

“Make it up to you? Pay for a taxi tonight?”

He gives me a pitying look, which is worse than anything he could say, and puts the paperweight down. Then he says he’s going to Courtney’s. And then he leaves.

I hear the front door bang. For a minute I’m lost, then I stand up and go to the window. The paperweight’s pure; Arctic clear. I stare out at the neighbourhood rooftops and Mum’s over-Mint garden outside, wet like it’s been crying.





Chapter 4: Saturday night


Mum’s cross too. She’s put the iron down and chews her pen when I descend and shakes her head when I offer to help her with French, but when she looks up and sees me wearing the dress she has to say something.

“I just hope he’s worth it.”

That’s all. And as if it wasn’t bad enough having to walk to the garage alone, my heel breaks on the way so I have to put on ballet pumps and text Courtney to make sure she’s not wearing her black shoes. The message fails so I text Josh. No reply. Oh god, what if she is.

I’m worrying about this as I walk past the petrol pumps and see Felix coming out with Frankee. They don’t see me ‘cos they’re linked into each other, oblivious. Felix is undoing a fag packet with his arm wrapped round Frankee’s fake fur shoulders and Frankee’s hair looks great: all shiny-smooth and thick, spanned out across her back like seaweed.

With my soles all soft I slide behind a pump and crouch, swallowing my heart as I watch them pass. It’s not that I’m trying to avoid them for real but if anything else can go wrong before the party the way things are going it probably will, so I’m not taking any chances.

My phone vibrates.

“Where are you?” I can see Erin and Rach crossing the road a few metres away. I stand up, start waving and gabbling about broken shoes until a man in the shop storms out, making neck-slashing gestures. Apparently you can’t use a mobile phone near petrol. Who knew? Anyway, I skip over and Erin slips me a swiped can of Fizz ‘cos she knows I like cider and then we’re off to Courtney’s.

The party’s not looking that lively, to be honest. A couple of balloons tied to the brick post at the end of the wall twist and strain like they don’t want to be there. Ed Sheeran thumps in the back and three boys’ silhouettes sway by the open doors of the club as we walk up the path. I’m feeling a bit nervous, then out of the dark wobbles Courtney, arm in arm with Josh.

They’re both drunk already, swigging from a massive plastic bottle that could contain anything.

“Leese! You made it; you came .” Courtney grabs and kisses me on the cheek, nearly slipping.

“Did you get my shoe text from Josh?”

She looks blank. “He said you two had a row.”

Josh looks unhappier than I’ve ever seen him which I hate but I’m furious. So far, he’s ruined any chance of a party mood by being a grump and it looks like I’ll be in flats for the night. Some best friend.

I shake my head and seize Erin and Rach’s hands: I didn’t wear three eye shadow colours for nothing. “It’s all good: show me the money,” I cry and, with my head down, start marching toward the club.

“You’re wearing it,” Josh hurls after me in spite but he can’t touch me: I’m a slithery, sexy vamp in a very black, very tight, very ...

“That’s a short dress.”

Kai’s cheekbones are marble. He’s beside me and I turn into his approval but his eyes are hard, too.

“Um. Yeah.”

Brilliant, Lisi, just brilliant. Could words three and four have been any more meaningful?

There’s something there, like he’s torn in the middle and sort of likes my dress, but sort of doesn’t, and we both wait a beat. Then,

“You look too grown-up.” He sounds mildly surprised, like he’s just noticed it’s raining, which it is, and all my hope turns to disappointment and spills out of my heart because I nearly fall over.

Erin’s in with, “well, she is, She’s the most grown-up girl here.”

“Hmm,” he hums, and it’s like his mind’s wandered. He’s taken a little gold toothpick from the back of his jeans and on anyone else it would seem crazy but he pulls it off. I sense Josh next to me and instinctively put out my arm for support but he dodges, right into the path of some shadowy figures coming up behind us, and I’m feeling really lost now.