But Tao’s still gone and I miss him.
And Oh Em Gee, that dog is fit.
* * *
We meet at the fountain. Miss Mint’s got, like, six reasons to apologise but she doesn’t, she just says, “bit late,” and winks and chews her thumb.
And I say, “don’t do that. You’ve got such nice nails.”
And she says, “you haven’t.”
I’m trying to work out how cross I am at her for:
Going out with Kai
Two-timing Taff
Ignoring Josh
Making Mum sad
Biting my thumb
Being late
Oh, and basically messing my life up. The main thing is lying. I don’t know how she can’t see what she’s doing is bad. We’ve only got six days left. What if she’s already ruined it?
“I like him,” she shrugs, “and if I’m you and you like him too, what’s the prob?”
“ ’Prob? I think you can do better than that,” and I remind her she has a degree and a PGCE and something called a TLR ‘cos I had a meeting about it on Friday and I actually think I might go for another. I tell her.
“I don’t want to,” she says, looking stunned.
“I do.”
“But it’s loads more responsibility.”
“A lot more,” I correct. “Not loads. And it’s also more money,” and she strops and doesn’t reply.
We head to La Verite , a posh French place just opened and which no Fairmere year kids would ever set foot in. Miss Mint’s paying, which means really I am.
“How’s money?” she asks, when she’s ordered a coffee and water and absolutely
nothing else.
And it’s fine, ‘cos she gave me her card and her PIN and I’ve not used it much. Just taxis and food. And the dentist.
“Oh yeah, how did that go?” she asks, looking shifty. And I need to do this filling in carefully.
When I’ve told her, she hides in the coffee cup.
“I don’t do that now.”
And I fall off my chair ‘cos my shoulder’s been gored. More great pain, Mr Morlis. I shout, “don’t you lie, it’s not fair!”
There’s clatter and bangs as Miss Mint and four waiters all rush to my side, waving napkins. I’m ok, but shit, did that hurt. And I’m furious. So mad I start speaking in French. And I yell,
“ vous êtes fou . Vous ne se soucient pas de la santé ou votre vie. Taff vous aime, mais vous ne devriez pas devenir sa femme, si vous ne pouvez même pas être honnête avec lui au sujet de la nourriture. Et nous ne serons jamais de swap en arriè,,,,re si vous ne pouvez pas dire la vérité.”
Just to piss her off, to be honest.
And she looks at me blankly, as white as the cloth that she’s using to dab at the hot coffee froth that she’s spilled on her jeans. And then all of the heat rushes out of me and as I get to my feet I say, “sorry. I shouldn’t have shouted. It’s just that I can’t handle you and the lying. It’s really frustrating.”
She whispers, “yeah, I’m sorry too.” And gets off her knees. And we both sit back down. She breathes in, then, “please can you say that again, in English this time?” And she smiles and I do it (and yes, it does rhyme).
“You’re crazy ; you don't care ‘bout health or your life. Taff loves you, but you shouldn't become his wife if you can't even be honest with him ‘bout food. And we'll never swap back if you can't tell the truth.”
We unpick the menu together. I tell her I know she counts calories from the bit of paper in her bag, noting the times of the day and the things she can eat and the numbers they hold, like, religiously.
I’m pleased when she tells me she hides food; about the chocolate in her desk drawer at school; the skipped meals; about the cakes festering under Posy .
“Does Taff know?”
She shrugs. “He just thinks I don’t eat much. I control it round him.” I think back to the bath and him being so pleased that I wanted to eat.
“Why’s it so hard?”
“It just is,” she crumbles sugar on her lap. “I can’t help it.”
And I say, “Rach was the same. But she’s getting a bit better ‘cos dancing’s her thing now.”
And Miss Mint smiles and I think if she can’t help it, maybe Rach can.
* * *
We stay and get jelly, which doesn’t offend Miss Mint’s constitution. And now: my best friend.
Josh’s been round to Miss Mint’s. He came round in the morning, before she went to meet Kai to do shopping; before she left Kai to see me. And I think, there might be something in this getting up early.
“He wanted to talk about Felix. And the letter.”