Talley dug a pair of pajama bottoms out from under a pillow where they had probably been cowering for weeks. “A convincing argument could be made.”
I grabbed the pajama bottoms, which kind of reeked, and went in search of the hamper I knew was somewhere in my room. Maybe.
I expected my legs to do that weird rubbery thing they always did after I pushed myself too hard at the dojo, but they held firm without even a hint of soreness. In fact, once the sting of the Change wore off, I felt amazing. Not only was pain completely and totally absent for the first time in a month, I was hyper-aware of my body, as if I could feel the individual muscles beneath my skin. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I was happy to be a Shifter, but there were advantages to be had.
By the time I found the clothes hamper, which had magically folded itself up so it could hide under my bed, Talley had rounded up an armful of dirty clothes, including a Super Mario Brothers shirt I’d been looking for since October. “So, what’s the verdict?” I asked.
“They should come clean with a bit of soap and water, but be sure to use the hot cycle so you kill anything that may be growing.”
“Ha, ha. Very funny. I was talking about the Pack. What did they decide? Have I been voted off the island?”
Talley twisted a strand of hair around her finger, the first sign of bad news.
“When is the last time you ate? You need to be sure and get a ton of calories pre and post Change.”
I narrowed my eyes, ignoring the tingle of panic spreading from my stomach to my heart. “You’re avoiding the question.”
“I’m trying to keep you healthy.”
“Talley…”
She exhaled loudly, shoulders slumping. “You’re supposed to appear before the Pack at seven o’clock tonight.”
“And then what happens?”
The finger was back in the hair. “That’s all the Pack Leader has authorized me to tell you.”
The panic swept through my heart and railroaded its way to my brain. “What are they going to do?” Alex explained Pack politics to me once. At the moment, all I could remember was something about fights to the death.
“I can’t tell you.”
“You’re my best friend.”
“And Toby is my Pack Leader. I can’t override a command no matter what I want to do.”
My gut reaction wasn’t what I expected. Instead of begging her to give me a clue as to what to expect or breaking down into tears, an unfamiliar mixture of incredulity and anger threatened to short-circuit my thought pattern. She was following another Shifter’s commands? I wanted to lash out and demand she give me what I wanted. The impulse shocked me enough to reign it in before I actually acted on it, but not before a low, threatening growl erupted from my throat.
“Oh God, Tal. What is happening to me?” That reaction wasn’t a Scout-like reaction. That sound wasn’t a Scout-like sound. It wasn’t a human sound. “What am I now?”
Talley was hugging me before I could stop her. “It’s okay. You’re going to be fine. You just need to calm down and take some time to adjust.” Her hand was stroking down my hair.
“You’re petting me like a dog.”
Her hand stilled, and she pulled back to look at me. “It’s the day after a full moon. Your wolf is still close to the surface. Sometimes touch can keep him… her calm and in check.”
“The wolf is close to the surface? What does that mean? Am I like Sybil now?”
Talley took a full step back, but she was now patting my arm. I would have told her to stop, but it actually was kind of soothing.
“Your wolf isn’t a different personality. It’s still you, just a bit more…”
“Animalistic?”
“Exactly.”
I put my hands on either side of my head and squeezed. It was all too much. Too much noise. Too many smells. Too many questions. Too many Scouts. I couldn’t deal with it all. I shouldn’t have to. I should be worrying about getting a summer job and whether or not I picked the right college, not about how I was supposed to keep Wolf Scout in check.
“I can’t do this,” I finally admitted, the pressure against my skull somehow making it easier to think. “I don’t know what’s going on or what to do about it. I just want to crawl back in bed and —” Be with Alex is what I was going to say, but caught myself before it came tumbling out.
“And hide? Like you have been since the accident?”
My head whipped up, the anger once again white hot and explosive. “Hide? Hide? I had been gutted like a pig, in case you forgot. I wasn’t hiding, I was recovering.”