“I need to graduate on time.”
“No you can graduate anytime, you need to live Alanna.”
“And I will,”
“Please Alanna you didn’t do as I said today, but please don’t do that again.”
“Adrian I have to.”
“Baby, I will not tell you again.”
“Adrian, you can’t do this to me.”
“I want to keep you alive. It’s not as if I am doing this to hurt you.”
“I need this Adrian,”
“Alanna no,”
I hang up on him; I cannot listen to him telling me what to do. He does not understand how important this is to me. If he loved me, then he would let me do this. I have security and it is only for an hour or so. Why does he have to be like this? I think of Michael, if I were with him then he would let me do this. If only I could love Michael, everything would be so much easier. He is the easiest option and my head would choose him, but my heart wants Adrian and even though he is so controlling and over protective, I wish it did not, but it makes me love him more. I lay on the bed for ages, not doing anything. Instead just lying there, thinking of everything and back to a more simple time. Back to when all I had to worry about, was what dress I would wear to the latest event. Now I spend most of my days and nights, worrying about people who want to kill me and fearing that I am leading on my boyfriend’s brother. My life has changed so much in such a short space of time. I was happy at college and living to me what was a dull, but still with the odd sparkle, life. I never had anything to worry about and I took it for granted. Now I wonder if my life is over, Adrian and Michael would not be acting this way if it were not. The words of Michael still echo in my mind, how he wanted me to go away with him and how that he hated Adrian. However, the one thing that he said and it is what sticks in my mind the most, is that he loves me. Most girls never have the chance to experience love and never have one amazing person love her but two. Many girls out there deserve this love more than I do. I wish that Michael would see that, move on he deserves to be happy, and loved by someone who would do anything for him. I wish that he were still with Katharine, she would treat him right and love him, in fact I think she already does. If he could only see that and forget about me, then that would be one worry off my mind.
Adrian has been texting and calling all night, but I do not have the courage to answer. I fear what he will say and I really do not want to fight with him anymore. Instead, I wish he were here with me, I wish he would hold me in his arms and tell me everything will be okay. I hate that he is three thousand miles away and I wish that I could go to him. I know that he is freaking out now, because he is on instant message and he hates that. I feel guilty for not answering him, but it is my own selfishness of not wanting to argue, that over rides the guilt.
Adrian: Baby, I am sorry please, talk to me.
Alanna: Adrian what can I say?
Adrian: You do not have to say anything just, listen.
Alanna: Okay
Adrian: I am not happy about Michael taking you away today and I am not happy about him kissing you. However, I do respect the fact that this is hard on him. If it were I, I would be the same. I would be telling you to get as far away as you could, but Alanna it is your choice and you say that you love me. I hate that you are in danger and I hate that I have put you there. I have guilt that goes beyond the guilt of killing David, for what I have done to you. I love you and I want you to be safe, I don’t like that I have to tell you what to do all the time, I have no right but I can’t stop and I can’t let you go back to that college tomorrow.
Alanna: I understand all that, but you do not understand how important this is to me.
Adrian: I do understand, but you cannot take a risk like that.
Alanna: Is every day I am with you, not a risk?
Adrian: Yes, Alanna but hopefully one day this will all be over and you and we can be together.
Alanna: Then make that day today, come here and be with me. You can look after me and not Michael.
Adrian: You are right; it is my entire fault that Michael got so involved, I was the one that sent him to you and I made him stay with you, in that house.
Alanna: You did that because you knew how he felt, and you knew that he would look after me. Because that is what you would do.
Adrian: Baby I want to come to you is that okay?
Alanna: Yes, please Adrian I need you.
Adrian: If I do then there is no going back, if you want to change your mind then do it now. If there is even a doubt in your mind, of how you feel about me, if you feel that perhaps Michael would be better for you, then tell me now.
Alanna: It is you it will always be you.
Adrian: Are you sure? Because its forever now?