“You see that’s where you are wrong Alanna. You try your best not to care about what I think but you crave my approval of everything that you do. Even now when you are trying to be feisty and fight back against me. Your eyes are melting in mine and can see that you are relieved that I am no longer with Katharine.” I shake my head at him.
“No Michael you are wrong,” I protest. Michael lunges towards me and he grabs me by my wrists.
“Sweetheart, you want to fall at my feet right now. You want me to hold you and you want my kiss. Just give me the signal and I will make all your dreams come true.” I stare into his eyes and just for second I lose myself in them. His beauty is divine and I could almost cave in and give him the signal. However, as that thought enters my mind Adrian washes over me and I am reminded of my love for him. He is the guy that I want but Michael’s words do speak some truth. I could fall at his feet but Adrian would be there to catch me. I do crave his touch but in a friendly way. His kiss would be nice but Adrian’s is superior. So many feelings that I have towards Michael cannot be explained and I am resulted in not figuring them out. I hate that I am drawn to him and I hate that I owe him my life. I slowly loosen his hands from my wrist as I think of my response.
“Michael, your words are inappropriate I am with Adrian, please accept that.” He rolls his eyes again as his ice blue stare is on me.
“Alanna if I thought for one second that you did not feel the same way about me as I do for you. Then I would leave and you would never see me again because I would have nothing to fight for. As long as I believe that you want me then no I will accept that you are with him.” His voice is dark and I back away from him. He is wrong, so wrong.
“Michael, I love Adrian,”
“If that is true then why did you almost kiss me?” I blush as I remember my moment of weakness.
“I was angry, sad and I needed someone. I am sorry if I have led you on but even if I had of kissed you, my feelings would not have changed. I would still be in love with Adrian and that kiss would have just confirmed it. I am sorry if I seem harsh but it is the truth.” Michael is silent as my words ring in the air around us. I wait for a reply but Michael does not have one. I gently sigh as I look at him. The anger and sarcasm has faded from his eyes and in its place is sadness. I feel instantly guilty and I feel that I have hurt his feelings. I feel sorry for him and wish that he would find a girl and be happy. He needs love and he deserves to have all his dreams come true. Even if those dreams do not include me.
I step back from Michael as the kitchen door pushes open. I turn from Michael and I see Adrian standing in the doorway. He looks concerned as he stares at Michael and me. I walk over to him and he quickly reaches out for me. I link into his arm as I briefly smile at him. I turn my focus back to Michael and Adrian’s looming words.
“Mate that girl was out of control. Does your face hurt? That was some punch she landed you with.” Adrian says in a smooth tone.
“Yeah well I deserved it.” Michael finally says. Adrian laughs at him as he turns to me.
“Baby, are you ready to leave?” I smile at him.
“Yes,” I say simply. Adrian lets go of me as he marches over to Michael. He reaches out his hand and Michael firmly shakes it. Quicker than a flash Adrian is back by my side. I again hold onto his arm as I gaze at Michael. I again feel his pain as I say.
“Goodnight Michael.”
Twenty-one
The next few days fly by in an instant and, before I know it, it is almost the weekend. The very thought of it has me petrified and I have felt this way ever since my dinner with Mr Jenkins and his wife. So many things about that evening went wrong and I feel that I was to blame for all of it. Katharine ended her relationship with Michael and even though it was for the best, I still feel at blame for it ending so abruptly. Michael has not contacted me since the dinner and I feel that he is still very mad at me. I hate that feeling but I know that I have no right to complain about it. Michael is only a friend - if he is even that anymore. What also worries me is Tabatha’s remarks. At first, she could not have been nicer then she changed her ways. All of sudden I felt attacked by her and I was very uneasy around her. She made me feel small and as if I was not worth Adrian’s time. She basically said that Adrian did not need me in his life and she worried me when she said that if I wanted Michael around then I should say goodbye to my life with Adrian. I could understand her worries if they were genuine but as I gazed into her eyes I felt as if she just wanted to attack me. Her smile was false as she tried to be nice. Her tone was bitter and her words were full of ice. I have concluded that she just does not like me and I noticed how different she acted when Mr Jenkins was around. She could not have been finer and she was the perfect host. However, once she got me alone she told me how she really felt and her icy words terrified me. I never expected her to like me but at the same time, I never thought that she would hate me either. Then there is the anniversary party, which I am dreading. I feel anxious about seeing Michael and of course his mother, Tabatha. If that were not enough stress to deal with then Chad showing up will be the cherry on top of the cake. I have no expectations of how he will be but I am constantly plagued by thought of why he left. He hated Adrian and could not cope with his jealousy towards him. His actions were horrendous and out of order. I worry of how he will act at the party and what scares me even more is the way Adrian might act. I saw his anger in full motion and it terrified me. I really hope that things can go smoothly at the party, as I really could not deal with the backlash if it did not.