“I don’t understand,” I say. She lets go of my hand and she again begins to tap her fingers onto the surface of the table.
“Those first years of his life everything was perfect. He had two parents that loved him and he was a wonderful child. But things changed when his father left, I began to drink and I showed no interest in my son. Adrian became very rebellious, he would stay out all night and he was always getting into fights. From a young age, Adrian has had a very bad temper that cannot be controlled. He would skip school and I would not know where he was all day. I am not going use this as an excuse for my behaviour, because I know that it was my fault. I never spent any time with him and I let him run wild. But not a day goes by when I don’t think of him.”
“Why did you leave him?” I ask.
“Fear, he killed David to save my life. I could not sit around and watch the guilt tear him to pieces. I panicked and I ran away, I left my son after he saved my life. However, I was scared because I saw something in his eyes when he plunged that knife into David. Adrian was no longer a child and he was ruined.”
Alice begins to silently cry as she chokes out those words. I look at her and I cannot hold back my tears. I hated this woman for so long and now that I am hearing her side of the story, I feel different about her. It is clear to see that she is remorseful of her actions. She loves Adrian and I know that she never showed it, but she does. I quickly think of Adrian as Alice reaches over for my hand. What would he say if he knew that I was talking to Alice? He would be very angry with me and I hate to think of what his reaction might be if he were to find out about this. I wanted to talk to Alice before and he made sure that I did not. He hated that I even suggested it and he made me feel stupid for even thinking it. I jump suddenly as I hear my phone ringing. I quickly let go of Alice’s hand and I reach into my pocket, I take out my phone. I glance at Alice and I inform her that Adrian is calling. The ring insists and I slowly answer him.
“Hello,” I say in a shallow voice. Adrian does not take long to respond.
“Baby, are you still mad at me?” He says rather sarcastically. I quickly wipe away the excess tears that run down my cheek. I break a smile from my lips.
“No I am not mad at you,” I reassure him. The phone is silent and Adrian’s breathing begins to get heavy. My heart races as I wait for him to talk.
“Alanna, is everything okay?” I quickly glance at Alice and I resist the urge to tell him everything. I clear my throat as I try to hide the anxiety in my voice.
“Yes, everything is fine. Are you still working?”
“Yes, I have a meeting later on, what time will you be home?” I rub my forehead as I try to take in his words. I am finding it very difficult to concentrate and I am itching to tell Adrian that I am here with Alice. I swallow as I respond.
“I should be back in the next hour, why?”
“I have plans for us later, is that okay?” I smile at his words.
“Yes, that’s fine. I cannot wait to see you. I miss you Adrian.” Alice glares at me as I show my affection for Adrian. She reaches back over to me and she again takes my hand.
“Adrian,” I begin to say but Alice squeezes my hand. I lock my eyes on hers and I can see the despair building. I look away from her as Adrian brings me back to the conversation.
“Yes Alanna?” He says in a strong tone.
“Nothing I – love you.” I say hopelessly.
“Baby is something wrong?” Adrian’s voice is rough and I fear that he knows something is up. I quickly try to reassure him that everything is okay.
“Yes, I miss you, I am fine and everything is okay. I will see you soon, okay?” Adrian takes a minute to respond and my heart is pounding as wait for his reply.
“Okay, until next time baby…”
I breathe a sigh of relief as I turn to Alice.
“You really love him don’t you?” She asks as she beams. I cannot contain my smile as I think of him.
“He is my world and I would be lost without him. I have never met anyone like him and he consumes me.” Alice lets go of my hand as she shifts around in her seat. I feel that she needs to say something and I quickly ask her what is wrong.
“Alice you look as if you want to say something?” She fiddles with her hair as she responds.
“Are you going to tell Adrian that you have spoken to me?” I begin to tap my foot harder against the chair as I think of an answer. The truth is I do not know if I could tell him. I really want to but I don’t know how he would react. He is very touchy about Alice and I fear that he would get mad at me and perhaps he would leave again. I hate to think of going back to him not being here, so if I interfered in his relationship with his mother would that anger him enough to leave? I cannot take that risk although I will have to fight every bone in my body not to tell him. I feel that he deserves to know how she feels and if he could possibly forgive her then that would be exceptional. I gaze at Alice and I try to respond as truthfully as I can.