“How dare you ask about him after what you put him through?” She looks stunned by my harshness but she nods in agreement with my words.
“I know that I don’t have the right to ask about him. However, he is still my son and not a day goes by where I do not think of him. I take it from your reaction he has told you about what happened?”
“Yes, I know everything.” She again nods at me.
“I see, he must love you to tell you a thing like that?”
“You know what I am surprised that he can love after what you did to him.” My voice is rough as I choke out those words. Alice gently clenches her fists as she thinks of her next words.
“I can never forgive myself for what I did. But I lost the love of my life and instead of being with my son I turned to drugs and alcohol. I needed help and no-one was around, no-one cared. Alanna, I know that you will probably bite my head off for saying this but I would like to talk to you more about Adrian. I want to know what kind of man he has turned out to be and I know that I do not deserve to know. But I would really appreciate it if you would let me in?”
I listen carefully to her words and my head is screaming for me to walk away from her. But my heart is pulling me towards her. I look into her dark eyes and I feel her pain. Something about her is alerting me that she is sincere in her words and I want to hear her side of the story. I take a deep breath as I make an approving nod towards her. She briefly smiles at me as we make our way over to an empty table. I take a seat and then I await Alice’s next words.
“How old are you?” She asks in a soft tone.
“I am twenty-two,”
“Adrian is three years older than you; tell me, what is he like?” I smile as I begin to talk about him.
“He is kind and very generous but his childhood haunts him.” Alice quickly looks down at the table as she begins to tap her fingers nervously on the surface. She looks very awkward and I can tell that talking about him is distressing to her.
“What do you mean by that?” I begin to get nervous as I try to respond.
“He is very controlling and he finds it hard to let people in. He has major trust issues and he feels that he doesn’t deserve love.” Alice shakes her head and I feel that she is trying hard to fight back tears as I tell her about Adrian.
“I can never forgive myself for what I did to him. But Alanna does he treat you right?” I smile at her.
“Yes, he treats me like a princess and I love him. But I am not going to lie to you he does have deep issues about what happened.”
“I am not sure much he has told you, but things were awful for us. I had no money, no job, no boyfriend and I was addicted to alcohol. I know I cannot use that as an excuse for the way that I treated my son. But it was hard on me and I was young. I was the same age as you are now when I gave birth to him and after his father left us, I couldn’t get over it and I began to abuse him.” I listen carefully to her words and I am surprised by her honesty. I was expecting her to lie and tell me that none of this was her fault. But I have to say that I respect her in how honest she is being. I stare into her dark brown eyes and I believe that she is truly sorry for what she did to Adrian.
“I cannot say that I understand your reasons for abusing Adrian. But I do know what it feels like to love someone so much that it consumes you. Adrian left me for a while and that was the worst feeling that I have ever experienced.” I feel a little pang of pain as I think back on those days without Adrian. I quickly try to erase that feeling from my mind as I nervously tap my foot against the chair.
“I loved Adrian’s father to pieces and when he left, a part of me died. I could not get out of bed and I could not bear to look at Adrian. Because when I did, I saw Edward. I would lift up my son and as he smiled at me, I would see his father staring out at me from those green eyes. I know it is awful but I resented Adrian. Edward and I never had any problems until he came along and I selfishly blamed him for Edward leaving.” Alice again tries to hold back her tears but this time a gentle drip falls from her eye. She quickly wipes it away and I feel my heart sinking. I instantly reach over and I take her hand. She looks shocked by my actions and I feel the same. I know that I should not feel any type of compassion towards this woman but I do. I see her pain and I feel that the love she had for Edward, failed her.
“Did you ever love Adrian?”
“Yes, I loved him. He was my little boy and I would have done anything for him. He was so beautiful and I was addicted to him. For the first two years of his life, I could not put him down. He was my world and I would never let him out of my sight not even for a second.” I look at her and cannot hold back my confusion. If she loved him, then why did she beat him?