“It is strange he is not here isn’t it?” He briefly smiles at me as he says,
“Yes, I understand if you don’t want to talk about this.”
“No, I do, he is a very complicated guy.”
“I want to know about him; after all he is the brother of the girl that I love.”
“Unlike Emma, Adrian didn’t have the best childhood, his mother was abusive and she brought home different guys almost every night. There was one in particular that took a disliking to him and he would do awful unthinkable things to ten-year-old Adrian.” I have a lump in my throat as I think of his sadness again. I clear my throat quickly and I proceed to tell James about Adrian.
“It wasn’t until Adrian was twelve that he was brought into care; he spent two years in a children’s home and then was adopted by Mr Jenkins and his wife.”
“I know that type of thing happens on a daily basis and the sheer fact of that is terrible, however most people myself included don’t think of it.”
“I know exactly what you mean, I never thought of anyone going through something like that. It was mainly because I never knew anyone that had, when Adrian told me all about everything, I was riddled with guilt for my own happy childhood.” I say not taking a breath as I do.
“You don’t see it until it is right there in front of you.” I am in total agreement with James’s words. “Alanna, I feel sorry for the guy but that doesn’t explain why he isn’t here.”
“I know, he isn’t here because he blames himself for what happened to me, I know he is crazy for thinking that but if you knew him then you would understand.”
“He calls every day.” I take in a massive gasp of air as I reply.
“I want him to call me not the hospital.”
“He will, in his own time. The guy seems as if he just needs some space, if you give him that then I am sure he will return to you.” I wish that were true, I wish that if I gave him then time he would see that he is wrong for staying away. I know that’s not the case, and I worry that every moment he is gone the less likely it is that he will ever come back. The biggest fear I have and what hurts me more than the pain in my stomach, is the thought of life without Adrian Black.
Three
I rest peacefully in the comfortable hospital bed with my earphones lodged in my ears. I reflect on yesterday’s events and I have concluded that things can never be the same again. My mother came to visit me last night and she was in one of her moods. The kind she only has when my dad does something to annoy her. The strain she had in her eyes was alarming; her voice was broken as if she’d been shouting for hours on end. Her usual calm and collective presence was far from there last night. When we talked, everything I said seemed to upset her and she would cut me off before I asked her what was wrong. I cannot say that I am not worried about how she was acting. It alerts me when I have the rare chance to witness my mom like this. However, she did agree to bring in Penelope later on today so I guess that is a good sign. James has also made an appearance today. He came swanning into the room, dressed in a white shirt and black suit trousers. He looked nice and he was asking my opinion on whether he should call Emma, he seems as if he really loves her, and the only advice I had for him, is to try to work things out with her. I have checked my phone at least twenty times in the last thirty minutes, but there is no contact from Adrian. My heart aches again at the thought of checking the phone; I always build myself up to believe that there will be a text or an email from him, every time I check. When I do and I see that there is none, my heart breaks repeatedly. I do not want to conclude that he is gone, there is no way I can accept that feeling. Until Adrian contacts me and tells me that, he no longer loves me, then I will refuse to give up hope that he will be back and that he does love me. I have not heard a thing from Katharine or Michael; I take that as a bad sign. I get Katharine’s problem, but as for Michael, I do not understand why he has not come to see me. After all, he did save my life, I rack my brain for a reason but I cannot find one. I don’t think that Michael was mad at me the last time that we spoke. He was going back to London, but I knew that was bound to happen once Adrian came to New York. I fear that I have done something to upset him. I want to call him, but I do not want to anger Katharine. I did tell her that I would not stay away from Michael. However, if he is not showing interest in me does that mean he does not care anymore? So many things are swirling around in my head and I feel that it is about to explode. I close my eyes as I listen to the words of Adele,