“You know I don’t have to drink,” I say quietly.
“What are you talking about?” Adrian says as he frowns at me. I place the glass down onto the ground and I lean over to Adrian.
“I feel guilty that I am always drinking and you are not.”
“Baby, don’t feel guilty about that, it really is not an issue.” He pulls me closer to him and he kisses me. I pull back from him.
“Adrian, tell me about your childhood with Mr Jenkins.”
“What would you like to know?”
“Was it happy?” Adrian straightens his face as he begins to talk.
“Yes and no,”
“Can you be a little more specific?” I say as I move back further from him. He runs his fingers through his hair and he gently exhales as he begins to tell me about his childhood.
“When Mr Jenkins adopted me I was a broken child. I was angry and disrespectful towards my elders. I had no manners and I had an acid tongue. But that didn’t put Charles off, if I ever lost control he would be there to help me regain it. He was the only one who could talk to me and make me believe in myself. I really do owe everything to him, without him, I would no doubt be dead. However, I found it hard to be around his friends so whenever there was a party or a polo match or just any type of event. I would stay away, I did not feel that I belonged with them and they scared the hell out of me. Everyone was so posh and put together and I was just an outcast.” I stare hopelessly at Adrian and I feel his pain. I don’t know what it feels like to be an outcast because I never was one. However, I look into his eyes and I feel the pain because I know how intimidating high society can be. They ridicule every aspect of their peers and leave nothing unsaid. They focus on the material things and status is everything. I was never an outcast but I was never fully comfortable with this life either.
“Mr Jenkins is a wonderful man; I really admire him and everything that he did for you.”
“Charles is an amazing bloke, he showed me business and he didn’t mind that I was damaged. He seemed to like that about me. I don’t know what he ever saw in me but I am glad that he took a chance.” I listen to his words and I cannot help but think of Adrian’s real father. I wonder if I should ask him again to find him.
“Adrian don’t get mad at me but have you thought about meeting your father?” Adrian shakes his head at me.
“No Alanna I haven’t and I don’t think that I ever will.”
“Why?”
“Because he abandoned me when I was two years old and I can never forgive that. I cannot visit him because I could not face the rejection.” Adrian’s words are firm and his eyes are strong. I reach over and take his hand.
“Adrian have you ever thought that he might not reject you?”
“Alanna, I am twenty five years old, if he wanted to find me then he has had all these year to do so. He never did and he never will.”
“Maybe he is scared of rejection?”
“I know you are only trying to help but please baby let this go.” I briefly smile at him but I feel that I cannot let it go. I want to talk to him about his family and I want to try to explain to him about Alice. I take a deep breath as I begin to talk.
“What about Alice?”
“Alanna, you know how I feel about her,” Adrian says firmly.
“Yes, I do know how you feel about her but I think that you need to listen to me for a moment. If you could just let me explain then maybe you could see what I have been trying to tell you.” Adrian rolls his eyes at me and I get a little annoyed. “You I know I hate it too when you roll your eyes,” Adrian laughs at my words.
“Okay baby,” I smile that he has gave me a chance. My mind spins as I try to explain the Alice situation clearly. I do not want to ruin this moment by forgetting a major detail about Alice. I know that what she and David did was undeniably horrendous. However, I feel that she has changed and I want nothing more than for Adrian to have a relationship with her. I know that he will always have issues about his childhood but if he could just forgive her then that would be major step in right direction. Adrian would be free of guilt and hopefully we could move on and have the kind of relationship that I crave. One that is not filled with danger and control, but one that is loving and an equal partnership. My mind is rushing as I focus on Adrian.
“I met Alice at the community centre in New York. I was angry and horrified to see her and at first, I was rude to her. But I changed when she asked me how you were and what type of man you had become.”
“Alanna, don’t you see that she is fooling you?” Adrian says smugly. I shake my head at him.