‘I can’t. Not at the moment.’ The irony of having jokily vowed to diet in order to make the engagement ring fit wasn’t lost on her. She’d lost eight pounds since then, through sheer panic and inability to swallow food. For now, she was existing on coffee from the vending machine outside the unit.
‘You need to keep your strength up.’
Tasha shrugged helplessly. What strength?
‘He’s right.’ The nurse was back to do Rory’s observations. ‘You need to eat. Keeling over in a heap isn’t going to help anyone.’
‘Come on,’ said Joe. ‘I’m taking you to the café.’ He reached for Tasha’s hand and stood up. ‘We’ll be back in half an hour.’
‘Good idea.’ The nurse, who was probably sick of the sight of her, beamed encouragingly. ‘You do that.’
Chapter 44
‘What’s going to happen to him? Is he going to start getting better soon?’
‘I don’t know the answer to that,’ said Joe. ‘Nobody knows the answer.’
‘Oh God.’ They sat facing each other across the orange Formica-topped table in the hospital cafeteria. Tasha picked up a chip, dipped it into mayonnaise and attempted to summon the enthusiasm to eat it.
‘Are you sleeping?’
‘Not really. I wish I could just . . . take out my batteries and wake up twelve hours later.’
Joe said, ‘You could ask for a couple of pills to help you with that.’
‘But I don’t want to miss anything important. What if something happened while I was asleep?’
He nodded to show he understood. ‘I know. Same. You’re being very strong, though.’
‘I don’t feel strong.’
‘You’re doing so well.’ He paused. ‘I haven’t seen you cry yet.’
Tasha shook her head. It simply hadn’t happened, not even when she was at home. All her efforts were taken up with concentrating on getting Rory well again. Breaking down in tears might detract from that.
Besides, she had to be there for him. Stay strong.
‘I’m not much of a one for the soppy comments,’ said Joe, ‘but he loves you so much. He really does.’
Tasha nodded. ‘I know. I love him too.’
‘Are you going to eat any more of these?’ Joe nudged the plate towards her.
It was the last thing she wanted to do. But he was right: Rory needed her and she in turn needed – somehow – to keep on going. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she braced herself and picked up another chip. It didn’t matter that they didn’t taste great. She looked at Joe. ‘Oh yes. I’m going to eat them all.’
Returning to the unit, they found Mel there, sitting beside Rory’s bed. She jumped up and met them at the entrance. Since the staff preferred there to be no more than two visitors at any one time, Joe said, ‘I’ll head off and come back later.’
‘No, don’t. The consultant just called the ward to ask if we were all here. He wants us to wait and he’ll see us as soon as he arrives. They’re expecting him at around five o’clock.’
‘Why does he want to talk to us?’ said Joe.
‘I don’t know.’
‘Is it good news or bad news?’ The moment she’d uttered the question, Tasha wished she hadn’t. She felt a surge of nausea.
‘Oh darling, I don’t know.’ Mel’s face was drawn with worry. ‘We’ll just have to wait and see.’
For the next hour Tasha talked to Rory, holding his hand, trying to persuade herself that he was looking better.
Except he wasn’t, she knew he wasn’t. Just as she knew that the consultant cardiologist was unlikely to have phoned ahead and asked the three of them to wait so he could personally inform them Rory had turned a corner and was on the mend.
Basically, there had to be a perk to the job, but she doubted it was that.
The clock on the wall, typically, had slowed right down now. Five o’clock came and went, each minute passing with interminable slowness. Was it her imagination, or were the nursing staff avoiding her gaze? Did they know more than they were letting on?
Oh God, oh God.
At five forty-three, the consultant swept into the unit and Tasha’s knees began to judder with fear. She pressed them together and straightened her spine. Surely whatever it was he had to say couldn’t be too bad, could it?
‘Hello, hello, so sorry to keep you waiting. Traffic was awful.’ Dr White had kind eyes, a long bumpy nose and an air of calm authority about him. He shook hands with each of them in turn. ‘We have the latest test results in and I’d like to discuss the situation with you.’ Glancing over at Rory, whose eyes were closed but who could still be listening, he beckoned to them. ‘If you’ll follow me, we can talk about it in the office.’