Flo shook her head; Lena was evidently one of those yes girls, the kind that would never dream of criticising their boyfriend, choosing instead to go along with anything and everything he said.
‘Oh my God, what a dick,’ said Annie.
‘And she’s acting like he just won an Olympic medal,’ said Bridget.
‘For prize dickery,’ Mavis snorted.
‘I just thought of something.’ Annie clutched Flo’s arm. ‘If you and Zander end up getting married, that means—’
‘What?’ Lena had jerked round to stare at them. ‘What did you just say? OK, how do you even know about my brother, and why would he ever end up marrying her?’
Whoops. Flo froze. OK, this definitely wasn’t meant to be happening. Was there any way out of it?
But she’d underestimated Annie, who was speedy when it counted.
‘Excuse me? What are you talking about? I have no idea who your brother is.’ She shook her head at Lena, signalling bafflement. ‘I’m talking about how brilliant it’d be if Flo marries my son.’
‘Your son.’ Lena had already noted Annie’s overbleached hair, exuberant dress sense and purple nail polish. Having listened to her strong Bristolian accent and cackling laugh, she was evidently sceptical, to say the least. ‘You’re seriously telling me your son is called Zander?’
‘Only my eldest son,’ said Annie. ‘The others are called Tristram and Tarquin.’ She glanced down at her cleavage and brushed away a few focaccia crumbs before returning her attention to Lena. ‘You can’t call them all Zander, can you? That would be stupid.’
‘Oh my God, how much of a wally is that guy? And what a cow she is!’ They’d spilled out of the restaurant, laughing and clutching each other in hysterics. Gasping for breath, Bridget said, ‘Did you see her face when Annie reeled off those names? I thought I was going to wet myself.’
‘D’you reckon she believed me?’ Annie, whose sons were actually called Lee, Dennis and Jason, mimicked Lena’s voice. ‘But how can your children possibly have names like that when you’re so common?’
Flo said, ‘She doesn’t know what to think now, not after you told her your real dad was an earl. You were so convincing. Even I almost believed you.’
‘My mum used to be in service. She worked as an under housemaid at Kilburton Castle.’ Annie snorted with laughter. ‘She used to say I was the earl’s daughter, making out it was a joke, but knowing her, I reckon it was true.’
‘You should wear a tiara,’ said Bridget. ‘All day, every day.’
‘While I’m busy wiping other people’s bums.’ Annie pulled a face at the memory of Lena’s disgust. ‘Bloody hell, Flo, I hope this Zander bloke’s nicer than his sister.’
‘He is.’ Flo nodded as they made their way towards the taxi rank on Whiteladies Road. ‘Much nicer.’
‘Well, good, but you’re going to have your work cut out if you two carry on seeing each other. How will you cope? That sister of his doesn’t like you one bit.’
‘It’s early days.’ There was a fluttery sensation in Flo’s throat. ‘Way too soon to be worrying about things getting serious.’ She added flippantly, ‘Like you said, he might already have found someone else in Canada.’
‘I know, but I’m just saying. She’s a piece of work, that one.’
‘Except she doesn’t do any work.’ Flo grinned, briefly imagining herself and Zander getting married, with Lena dressed as a bridesmaid with a malevolent gleam in her eye and a gun hidden behind her back.
‘Well, good luck. But I don’t envy you,’ said Annie. ‘She’s not going to make life easy for you. That one’s a witch.’
Chapter 21
Dear Rose,
I love gardening.
I’m shy with strangers.
One day I want to surprise everyone by doing something unexpected and amazing, so I can be proud of myself.
My husband was the love of my life until he left me suddenly three years ago for another woman. I was devastated and thought I’d never get over it, but I kind of have. I’d like to meet a new man but can’t see that ever happening, because who would want me? I’m hardly a catch. So my life is quite boring, but it’s OK, I’m used to being on my own now.
The thing is, I bumped into him in town yesterday and we ended up going for a coffee. He’s not happy with his girlfriend and says he misses me. He wants to come over to my flat on Friday night. Just for sex, basically. I know, not very romantic, is it? I should really tell him to get lost. I don’t love him any more, I know that now, but I do miss being intimate with a man and it would kind of make up for the fact that when he left me three years ago I had no warning it was going to happen.